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Need Some Advice

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Sofiaj, Jul 4, 2017.

  1. Sofiaj

    Sofiaj Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,
    I have been married for 1.5 years and living in US. We recently brought a home here and during the process we called to inform our Parents. When we called our in laws they said ok and didn't ask any details about the house and my MIL asked my DH on whose name the house will be in ? My DH was confused but said it will be obviously his name and she said okay. I was disappointed by that only concern they had but didn't brought it as an issue that time and let it sink.

    Our Realtor called my DH to ask if he wanted to ask my name in the house deed and my husband said yes and wanted to proceed with the formality to add my name.

    So all the process went fine and we wanted to call our Parents to inform that everything went well and we are signing the papers tomorrow and request them to pray for us. My In laws asked my husband again the same question and my husband explained them it would be me and my wife and my FIL was really angry and said why would you want to add her name? It's going to be a problem for you in future while selling the house. We don't do these sort of stuff back in India.

    Hearing such words, my husband was really pissed off and snapped at him and hung up the call. It was really devastating to hear such words and moreover I'm not sure why would they have to say about Future. I had similar problems in the past soon after wedding where my in laws was telling some lame reason to keep us separate on New Year Day.

    We are in TTC period and these kind of words really stress me out. I need some advice on how to let go of these thoughts from my mind and be at Peace. My husband is understanding my pain and being 100 by my side when I need his help to overcome emotional stuff.

    Thanks.
     
    Sandycandy and Umanga like this.
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  2. WiseAgnes

    WiseAgnes Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    I understand your frustration. I think many ladies here experienced situations when ILs put a lot of effort into spoiling relationships between husband and wife. My ILs were telling my husband that I will be cheating on him because I had relationships before him and apparently, it makes me a cheater. Great logic :)
    My ILs started loving and respecting me only when I stopped caring whether they love and respect me or not. The most important is that you have your husband by your side. Let go of the idea that your ILs have to love you. Don't try hard to make them like you. Give them basic respect but don't take whatever they do close to your heart. They can say whatever they want and you meanwhile nurture the relationship with your husband because this is what is really important. Congratulations on your new house and good luck with everything!!
     
    sbonigala, Sandycandy, Sofiaj and 3 others like this.
  3. Cielo

    Cielo Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Sofiaj,

    First of all, Congratulations on the new house - it's a great milestone!

    These kinda reactions from in laws could be a bit disappointing and lot annoying. Sometimes, it is very difficult to please everyone all the time. In the process, you may even lose your mind. But, have the hope that this too will change and they will accept and appreciate your moves as time progresses. May be, one day, when they learn the benefits of a joint property ownership - they might appreciate your husband's decision. Right now, your in laws are angry for reasons seemingly appropriate to them. Your husband is angry at them as a reaction - if you also take to anger or upset and lose your mind on this, will make the whole equation unstable.

    For now, appreciate your husband as much for his support and understanding towards you and focus on setting up your house to take your mind off from all these and enjoy this feat!
     
  4. Sofiaj

    Sofiaj Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you so much for taking your time to reply back. I'm glad that your ILs are respecting you. I'm grateful that my DH is understanding the point and being supportive which many of them doesn't have and been worried of it. Keeping a mindset to be happy of the situation in the present is what needed right now for me as you all said. Thanks for your wishes on the house.
     
    Sandycandy likes this.
  5. venlax

    venlax Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Sofia,
    you had achieved something in buying the house one of the basic needs in life.u have the full support of ur DH.Pl ignore the action of ur in laws .It is quite natural that they are most concerned about not only their son but also their grandchildren regarding the asset.
    It is time to be happy & calm .Divert ur mind & concentrate on some good deeds - physical.metal & spiritual activities.May God bless u!
    "The woods are lovely dark & deep but i have promises to keep & miles to go before i sleep"
     
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  6. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,

    Calmly, your DH should explain about US legal system to his parents and why it is necessary to have both of you should sign as the co-owners of the house.

    In India - it is common house will be only on husband's name, some 20-30 years back.

    It is a good thing, the house will be on both of your names. Ignore the ILs, enjoy your new home.
     
    Sofiaj, Cielo and Sandycandy like this.
  7. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations on the new home !! And congratulations on a husband that can hang up the phone on his dad !
    Your IL's are very insecure , pity them for their foolishness. You have a new home , so have lots of positive thoughts . Don't expect anything from the IL's and you will be pleasantly surprised .
     
    Vedhavalli, nb25, Sofiaj and 2 others like this.
  8. Sofiaj

    Sofiaj Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your replies, It does helped me and made my day :)
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  9. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Your ILs seem needy and insecure...They are not happy their son bought his home, but worrying about such trivial things. As a general rule, for anything you do, inform them last moment so your happiness is not spoilt.
    BTW, Congrats for your home!
     
    Sofiaj and Vedhavalli like this.
  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Be happy start decorating your home!
    Had been there, me and Dh pooled our money and bought huge home loan from bank.
    Only one question my FIL asked my DH "in whose name are you registering.?, Your mother is Ghar ki lakshmi...
    I was on nerves. I can't stand and walked off. FIL asked 2 times same question...i texted my DH I will withdraw my loan papers.. add your mom.. then My DH said whoever applied loan would be the owner of the house. The funny part was I was paying an hefty amount also my dad gave lil money.
    They didn't give single rupee plus they sat for grahaprevseam Pooja. Think how much pain it would have caused me. Not a single Happy photo we have on that day. PIL long face only
    Be happy your DH is on your side he knows their mindset also they can't comment house.
    Now only my DH is understanding, they were insecure and greedy...
    Let go...pray
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2017
    Sofiaj likes this.

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