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Need Some Advice ( Husband Very Selfish)

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Jemma, Jul 22, 2018.

  1. Jemma

    Jemma New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I have some deep rooted issues. Me and my sister were raised as boys. My parents have done everything that they possibly could to give us a good life. We went to the best of schools.my parents had high hopes from us.My mom didnt let me do any household chore. she wanted us to study and have fun.When I was in 10th , my sister got married against my parents wishes. The boy wasnt good..My dad didnt want her to get married but she was stupid and she didnt listen to anyone. she got married and after a month, the boy's family started torturing her. she left them and came to our house. My parents supported her.

    I was in my teenage. I took it to my heart. I was depressed. I didnt tell anyone how sad I was. It was all bottled up inside me. I lost interest in everything.I stopped socializing.I used to study and watch TV at home.

    After a few years after completing my education, I joined a company and was doing really well. I was asked to travel to a foreign country and was given an opportunity to settle there. I rejected coz I was in love with my husband to be. left everything and got married to him thinking that I will be happy.

    After marriage..husband ddint let me concentrate on my job. Every day we used to fight over something or the other. he abuses me. Disrespects me. Hits me as well. Calls me a loser coz I had to quit my job coz I had to take care of my daughter. He joined a company where they send him to travel to different countries.

    Now, he travels every now and then and I have to sit at home and take care of my kid. I dont have a choice. He doesnt give me enough money . I cant go out with freinds coz I dont have enough money to go out. he gives me just enough money to take care of the house expenses.

    he travels every two months while I sit at home. He faught with most of my freinds and that created a rift between most of my freindhips coz they feel uncomfortable .I am mostly at home. I feel disappointed coz my parents had high hopes from me. I was a bright kid. All the cousins used to look up to me.

    I cant tell my parents the **** that I am going through coz they were helping my sister get through her rocky marriage.My husband is not there mostly. he tells me that he has to travel coz he doesnt have any option.he has to run the house. He doesnt give me money to do shopping. I dont even remember the last time I went shopping.

    With the result..I feel I am depressed..I have lost inteerest in every thing. he is not there mostly. I end up sleeping all day. I dont feel like getting ready.I dont feel like talking to anyone.I have no energy left in my body...I am not liking this situation but I dont know what to do.

    Please help
     
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  2. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    op,

    Even now, it is not too late. Bounce back and brush up your skills, go back to work.

    - Set up a daily routine and wake up/sleep schedule.
    - Seek help from your parents help in taking care of your daughter.
    - Move closer to your parents, if necessary.
    - Get in touch with your friends to get back to work, understand what is needed
    - Focus on getting a job, to start with money may be low
    - If nothing works, start a tuition to teach young children at home.
    - Always there is opening in school / teaching.
    - If you good with math /computer, the opportunities are wide open

    Get help from a doctor, it is quite normal, when you know you are being neglected. Anti-depression meds will help
    to regain your physical and mental strength. There could be 1000 reason to drawn in self pity and fell into laziness trap. Take care of yourself for your daughter. It is not worth feeling sad for the person who is neglecting / ill treating you.

    Bounce back and enjoy the life. No one can make you feel happy, it's within yourself.
     
    iman, sneha1985, sumalynux and 5 others like this.
  3. dnormx01

    dnormx01 Gold IL'ite

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    You have a pretty daughter, just like your parents took care of you like a princess, she also deserves the same from her mom. So set out a routine which involves some fun stuff that you both can do.

    There are loads of videos on YouTube and lots of content online, including courses like courseera etc. some of them are free too, look them up and hone your skills.

    Lots of wfh online jobs are also available, you can look out for something in your field and takeup little assignments that will give you money and also the satisfaction of worthily spending time.

    Most important- you not just were you are still a bright girl, live up to the challenges, let your little girl look upto you and forget what your husband has to say, coz it will hardly matter then

    Best wishes
     
    sneha1985 likes this.
  4. Jemma

    Jemma New IL'ite

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    Thanks for the message..I liked every word of what you said..Maybe I am getting into a self pity mode. My Husband is not concerned at all. to the outside world he is this responsible guy has has his family's responsibility on his shoulders but if you see closely..he doesnt care at all. all that he is concerned about is his happiness.


    It is so difficult to gather courage and put on a happy face everyday when I know I am very sad.All that I had dreamt of has gone away .even if I pick up a job, and if he doesnt travel and he is home..he will start creating problems for me. he wont say any thing to me but he wont take care of my daughter. But Yes you are right..It is all within...I pray to God everyday to give me courage to get up and get going....
     
    messedup likes this.

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