Need some advice about divorce

Re: Need some advice!!!

I totally understand your point and I know how much painful it must be for you. My statement of "not fit for marriage" is not my personal belief. I rather believe opposite. I said it becos like all of us, I know How indian society works. So just wanted to caution you for that reality. But in no way I endorse this thinking. I personally believe people should take charge of their lives and make it better.
If you have undergone so much from ur in-laws side and other. I would hate to have you loose it. I seriously believe.. Men just need training . They dont know how to be good or bad husband.. They just do it random. Woman has wisdom and consciousness to make it work.
Have you thought of trying some less extreme measure compared to divorce?
You guys can stay apart for couple of months and see if you both want that kind of life. Sometime distance makes other person fonder.
I totally believe that you have tried your best.. But I would like to see you winning in this than giving up.

 

Re: Need some advice!!!

Hi,

If you have decided to separate then no one can help you. But if you feel that you can give a last chance to save your marriage then i am sure you should give it a try for a couple of months more.

Since you both are living under the same roof i assume that you must be cooking for both of you or is it you cook your meals separately. If you are cooking then try the theory "the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach" if you are busy on weekdays maybe on weekends you can cook food that he relishes. Anyways you have to cook so why not what he likes...but don't make it too obvious just let him enjoy and comment if he does not then don't take it to heart.

If you have some common friends then invite them over for a get-together...coz if the friends are common then i am sure he will not make a show down ( invite couples if possible so he can have a good time with the men and you with the ladies).

If you can confide in any of your family friends and if they are aware of your strained relations then take them into confidence and arrange some outing for just 2-3 couples and ask them to invite you guys. If the other couples are communication and enjoying among themselves i am sure some chord will be stirred in your husband too. Maybe he will not go all out like the other mens as you are not on talking terms for quite some time but still you can strike up a conversation like good weather or very scenic place etc.

If you are in the same profession...maybe you can create a doubtful case and ask him to help you out or give some suggestion. Listen to what he has to say do not over power him.

In these couple of months take so much care of him...that if ever you decide to live separately then he should be able to recall what all good thing you were doing for him. Since you mentioned that you are in US these things are possible unlike India. Here sometimes all this gets lost as we live in a joint family, men leave home early and come late from work so they are actually not aware who has done what and also in joint family there are many such souls who are waiting to show off that they are the only ones who work at home then others are all showpieces.

I think i've written way too much...so shall end here with my suggestions. Also its almost midnight here.

Try this and let us know if you were successful or not. Don't think that why only the ladies should try to make their marriage work...but i think we are more stronger, have more patience and the warmth that we can evolve around the house can lead to positive vibrations.

All the Best.

Warm regards
Roopa.

 

Re: Need some advice!!!

Hi to all,

Nice to see many counselling advices to our friend who is troubled by a bad marriage. Marriage these days has become the most unpredictable thing. Anything can happen anytime. I just want to throw light on some practical aspects, if at all, Sha123 finally resolves to go for a divorce (with a strong hope and prayer that things might turn better for her):

1. A divorce may be by mutual consent or one of the spouses may apply for a divorce. Both cases, it has to be done by a court of law. These matters are decided by Family Courts in India. In the first case, both the parties have to file a joint petition. In the second case, the one who wants divorce has to give a notice to the other before approaching the court.

2. The basic approach of the courts will be to save the marriage and not to break it. The court will try the maximum not to break the marriage. Only in hopeless cases, divorce will be granted.

3.It does not happen immediately. Divorce by mutual consent takes less time. If there is a contest, it will take longer time and there will be many sessions of counselling and talks.

4.The wife can claim alimony (maintenance) from the husband if she is not financially independent. If there are kids, the matter becomes complicated, with the questions of custody etc.. None of the spouses can remarry until the case is finally resolved.

5. There are particular grounds on which a divorce can be granted like bigamy, cruelty, incurable diseases etc..

These are some of the main pros and cons of a "divorce". Hope some of them might help her think over the matter.

 

If you really want to save your marriage then both of you need marriage counseling. If he is not willing to do that, just divorce him.

It takes two people to make a marriage work, not just one lonely wife.

 

Re: Need some advice!!!

Dear sha 123
I feel soo bad about this, but if a women is taking such a decision then there might be some major issues. Dear dont worry be calm and composed and do what is right for u. May be one day u realize u have freed urself from his golden chains

luv and regards

Gauri