Need serious advice

Thanks PFB for replying to my questions.
I can understand your pain and trauma having been thru similar situation myself , asking and getting sarcastic smiles. But fortunately I have a very strong support system of friends and family who pulled me out of the mess.
BUT I had to break the cycle of crying , depression etc myself , others could only egg me on.
Please take a break , tell both the families , you cannot bear the burden alone.
Your DH can say my wife drinks, takes sleeping pills ,yells and give you a bad name while getting all the sympathy.
Since there is no money problem do something that you like ,love yourself and also reward yourself when you pass a peaceful day.
Your DH is not bothered because he has his job , colleagues and a routine to follow. Seeing his weeping and ranting wife is a small part of his day.
Do the Art of Living course or any other , you will get peace and meet interesting people and also have something to look forward to.If nothing else volunteer , at DH cannot say that his wife is batty !

 

Hi PFB,

I want to point out some facts, may be you are overlooking....

You mentioned in one of your posts, as your DH has lot of other diseases, does any of those are sexually trasmitted. Did you ever tried to find out? That may be the possibility.

 

Hi dear,
Just eager to know if you’ve come to a final decision yet? Its been 1.5 years of pain and frustration and since 1 week fellow IL ites have been trying to boost your spirits,praying for you and trying to help you out of the situation.
Now I feel that the ball is in your court… Move with the cheese/ Wait for the same old cheese should be your choice.
Trust you take a wise decision..May God assist you..
Good luck

 

There may be another side of the story that may be missing here...

PFB's husband makes a statment if "PFB is always in bad mood..how can he ever get started" ...there may be truth in this...what he has gone thru in this marriage for the first 3.5 years (when he was normal or atleast close to it) no one knows...yes the other medical condition could have caused the reduced potency but there are other situations which has added to it.


1) the continued taunt / nagging by the wife that he is not great in bed
2) life outside this whole intimacy thing...like how they have been getting along and supporting each other emotionally
3) wife might have tried to dominate him in all sorts of things small or big
4) wife might have been drinking hard even when these problems were not there, may be with some other excuse
5) wife has been aggressive and abusive even before.

may be all these conditions have forced the husband to go into a shell..

Suggession to PFB -

try to handle this emotionally rather than aggressively. let me give you an example.

let us say you are cooking and another person is standing right behind you watching each and every action of yours and continuously comments / taunts for each and every thing , then you end up

1) messing up whatever you are doing
2) make more and more errors
3) and finally stop trying.

may be this is what is happening to your husband.

try to first help yourself and get out of these problems of being abusive and in drunk state and then with a calm mind and calm behaviour try to help your husband out of his problem. that is if you want to stay in this marriage. forcing him will not work, it will only worsen...or as other ladies here have said, quit

 

Dear Petite,

I seriously dont understand why you aren't divorcing him. I dont think there is any love left in this marriage.

Just leave him...he is not even trying to help himself and come out of the current situation....he is not worthy of all this headache.

You have wasted enough time and energy on him. Get a divorce and let his parents know the reason for divorce. Stop thinking about his state and start thinking about yours.

There is no point in worrying about past, crying or drinking. Move away from him (atleast for sometime) and try to start a new life. Iam afraid all this emotional stress will burn your positive energies and hope towards life.

sirisha

 

Go home.

Speak to your parents freely or if u find it embarassing to talk to them bring in somebody whom u can trust and relate this o your parents. Make sure u tell them everyhting.

Let your parents speak to his parents.

A marriage is not complete till u consummate it. If he is not willing to see a doctor you can take a step like seeing a lawyer or something. I am not pressing u for this but after a while as u grow older u'll feel lonely and hurt or even cheated. Start doing something now.

 

Dear PFB,

A great big hugz for you.

I cannot agree more with fellow-ILS, who have given their viewpoints pertaining to your issue. They have all done a great job.

You seriously need to pick yourself up, sweetheart. No use hurting yourself like that...no issues are going to be resloved.

Please go away for a short break. Either back to your parent's place or maybe somewhere for a short holiday. That'll give you ample time to think...what you really want. Afterwhich, you could decide whether if you'd still want to stick to this marriage or opt for a divorce.

Please don't just stay on being like how you are now. Its gonna affect your health both emotionall and physically.

Take care and I hope that you would make a wise decision. This is YOUR LIFE, only you have the rights to whether you gonna make it good or bad.

All the best....:thumbsup

 

Woooooow it is really obvious he does not care a crap for this marriage. He let you walk out of the house and walk back in and probably back out again and does not even care either way. I can see why you are this frustrated, it seems no matter what you do he is unfazed.

I have no additional advice from what I've said before. Just wanted to let you know I'm still reading your posts and hoping for the best.

 

Hi,
It’s really sad to read all those things that are happening to you now. I to suggest something will look like a new born baby advising elders as I am into marriage since a year now. However I can see lack of proper understanding between you both (Sorry If it hurts), I say this b’coz you never went mad with your husband in first year of your marriage, then why is it so now? Has he been non-receptive, stubborn, and impotent ever since you married him?? I can sense NO is probably the answer.

I feel you need to slow down a bit in persuading him to start a family. Becoming a mother is bliss and having first child is something that you will cherish for lifetime. Even fatherhood needs sense of responsibility and you cannot expect this from your husband with such a state of temperament. Moreover mentioning your in-laws or your parents might portray you as complaint box.

I would want you to face the situation more patiently and optimistically rather than going back to India. Why are with your husband now? To start a family, then how can you leave?
Try to take interest in things he does. Likewise you mentioned, he spend time at gym, then accompany him to gym, go for movies on weekend (that will leave no time for you both to fight). Have you ever thought of giving him romantic or cute surprise?? I can’t assure if all these works but you can at least give it a try. According to me trying out new things to make him happy is more productive than drinking and crying. Your life is always in your hands, don’t let it slip away like sand…Relations are always difficult to handle but not impossible…I know to say it’s easier and you may be already working out something good.

Sometimes solutions to our problem lie in front of your eyes but we get blind as we stop thinking for a solution and just crib about problems.

“Remember every day to LOVE him and one day he will LOVE you back” then you can seduce him

Best of luck

Our best wishes are with you….