Need serious advice

PFB, one question. I know right now you don't like him at all, but do you love him?

 

Dear friend ,
No man goes into abstinence just like that unless there is a medical problem , apparently he is fine.
Either he is punishing you and getting pleasure seeing you begging or he is involved outside.
No man will admit to having an affair to his wife unless he is caught.He will always refuse.
Maybe he wants you to ask for a divorce so that he has to pay less alimony or whatever. Sometimes some sadists drive the wife to ask for a divorce for various legal reasons.
Why is the common friend hanging around you two all the time ?
I hope sympathy for her broken engagement has not transformed into something else . It happens , a sad lady and a sympathetic guy.
Since its such a difficult situation with no solution in sight all avenues have to searched.
There is a third angle which you have overlooked so far.Try to stop the weekend gatherings and you will eliminate one possibility.What is the scenario like at his office ?
Keep your cool soon enough something will surface. You are right ,why get into trouble for a sorry guy like him.
Are you ready to spend your life with him like this ? If not then act fast and move on in life.
Do you think DH would have tolerated similar behaviour from you ??? You refusing intimacy and saying thats how its going to stay. Take it or leave it.
Stop all efforts at being intimate let him have a dose of his own medicine. Works wonders with men ,specially sadists with big egos.
Let him wonder why you have cooled down , his ego will be hurt, how come DW is not begging and pleading ?
Dont have high sounding philosophical discussions , just ignore him for a few weeks , drop the topic.
Let him wonder what you are up to.

 

Dear, it is very difficult indeed to come out of depression, I have faced it. Few days we will feel light, good, then again the same blue mood will sink in and pull us back. there is no way to find how one who is in depression can pull himself or herself out of it. There needs lot of help, lot of effort.

I would suggest write down on paper, what you feel negative about yourself, what you see as your weakness, it can be posture, emotions, thinking, the way you portray yourself to others, anything. Then take one task each day and try to see you work on it to change. Small steps, this itself will be very hard to do. It wont be easy, but you should try. It will take time to change ourself. We expect others to change but the fact is it is very hard to change ourself even a little bit, very hard indeed.

 

PFB i think you should get back to work, than break your head against your stone husband.. Because that will atleast divert your mind for sometime, though it will not be a solution to your problems..
Also, i suggest staying separately for sometime.. Because it would be ok if there was only an impotency problem but everything else would be fine.. Like he was very caring and understanding and you enjoyed spending life in his company.. But i think his behavior and coldness towards you is driving you into depression.. So, atleast to save your health stay away from him.. Find a job for yourself..
This is to basically equip yourself financially.. May be his heart could grow fonder after you get separated.. That time you could convince him for medical treatment..

 

By the way PetiteFashion, I see you re-iterate your hatred towards the man so many times. But many posters ahve asked you and I'm also asking you the same for which I haven't seen an answer from you in any of your posts.

• What is preventing you from opening this topic to his parents. They can be rude, etc., etc., But that will atleast shut their, why, why no good news questions. You cannot open it up with everyone who questions you but at least his parents should know that he HAS A MAJOR issue, be it medical or attitude.
• Why are you not taking a break for yourself and going to your parents to recover your body and mind? Looks like you have given him so much empty threats that he now thinks, "this girl will just keep saying, but will not do/go what she really says"
• How did you conclude drinking and pills will solve the issue? As other posters said, they only give way for him to brand you and safeguard himself. Please STOP those IMMEDIATELY.

Rest I second other posters opinions....

 

PFB,

Only you can help yourself at this point. You can't force your husband to work on the marriage. You can either WAIT for him to change, or REMOVE yourself from the marriage and look for something better.

I'm getting the feeling you are not ready to call it quits, for whatever reason. That is fine. Seperation isn't a decision that can be made in a snap. I think when you are truely fed up and ready to move on, you will take that step without any urging from outsiders. Maybe it will be in two weeks, two years, or two decades, or never (if he improves). Either way, I think you will know when the time is right.

I wish I could help you more, as it's clear you are so dissapointed and in a lot of pain. But I (and lots of other ladies) have said what we can, now it's up to you to do with it what you will. It's all in your husband's hands whether he wants to improve himself. So it is of no use to continue advising YOU when HE is the one who needs to change! The only thing anyone can say to somebody in your situation, is learn to live with it, or get out and start over. So......... not much else to say from my side. Maybe another lady will have a miraculous idea. Until then, good luck, and god help you...

 

Same as what ASG says.
You are not taking any real steps PFB other than just screaming out against DH. Only you can help the situation, no one else can.