Need serious advice

Prolonged usage of many antihypertensive medications are the main cause for inpotence, i mean loss of erection.

This is a documented side effect, due to the mode of action of these drugs. (The wat they act on the human body to reduce hypertension).How old is your hubby and since how long is he on these medications.?

 

This sort of statements and attitude is not helping you, OK? Now, calm down first.

Take a break and go to India. Do it ASAP. You are in no mode to go through this alone now.

And yes, drop the attitude of the kind that you are writing above.

 

PFB,

This is second time on this thread where you mentioned thinking about killing your husband. First of all, I don't know if those are just hot words or real thoughts, but I would like to say, sex or no sex good husband bad husband, you don't have the right to take your husband's life. So never think of that.

Ok, you have told that you tried all you can do. You are miserable. You have seen that there is no future with him. So why are you hanging around still? Why not just get divorced and move on in life?

Seems like you are hanging around now because you have built up so much hate for him that now it's a matter of stubborness for you like 'No, I WILL fix him' or a matter of revenge 'i.e. I want to make him suffer like he has made me suffer'.

My advice, you've wasted enough time on this marriage, get out while you've still got your sanity and are young enough to start over and have a new married life. Stop waiting for answers that will never come. I highly doubt he is going to open up to you about his issues, or try to fix them, or try to save the marriage. And to be frank, I don't think he loves you, nor you him. If he loved you, he wouldn't dismiss your feelings or the heartache you are going through. As for you not loving him.... well, I think most women would not love him either if this is how he is acting. Those are just my observations, maybe true or not, you decide.

It's clear you both are at a standstill. Either embrace this sexless, kidless, loveless marriage.... or get out! It's that simple!! But one thing, crying and getting angry isn't going to solve anything. So take some action. Either mentally resolve to live this worthless life with him and embrace it fully. Or pick up the phone, call an attorney, and say 'I want a divorce, what do I need to do next'. And please please please, do not think of violence towards your husband. That is NOT the answer.

 

Dear Petite,

You have mentioned in a couple of posts before the above one also, that some of his friends come on week ends and they go together to gym etc. Is he gay? though you have replied in earlier post in the negative, pl explore from that angle some more. The way he laughs at you for your advances and keeps cool even when you threaten all , point towards that. More so, since he was OK in the initial 3 years of your marriage. May be he is adamant in admitting that to you.

This is JMO

Radhi

 

/yeah Petite,

Me too think the same as Radhikrish.

Sorry but, I don't understand how a male friend is at your home all the time, even weekends, watching TV with you and stuff???!!! He is always there! Do they work together also?

Secondly, he spends a lot of time at the gym??!!! with this male friend i presume. Not a good sign again.

He keeps his cool all the time, smiles away your advances, doesn't really bother about your self - destruction, and most strikingly is able to sleep peacefully while you are wasting away in the next room? this is possible Only when he is happy somewhere else with someone else, right? he doesn't really care what goes on with you, isn't it?

Most importantly, he doesn't want to talk to his parents or go public about this? Well, impotency, low sperm count, high BP counter - effects are very common these days - no more a taboo kind of thing like you see in the movies of the 90's. So, its definitely that he wants you get mad and leave yourself at one point, so he can carry on here, with no guilt and according to the world, for no fault of his, you understand???

Run, save what is remaining of your sanity and life, my dear.

1 and a half years is tooooo long a time, to keep a loved one in suffering, confusion and unhappiness. Many men discover their orientations much later after a lot if inhibitions, so he may be reluctant in opening it up to you. Or may be, he just stumbled upon that fact about himself and is quiet confused. Either ways, even after 16 months of persuasion, if he is not sharing it with you, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS ANYMORE.

Run to your family.

 

I also had the same feeling as Radhi and Dhivya... that your husband could be gay. I just didn't mention it since gay or not, the marriage is not worth staying in, so why over analyze what his problem could be.

But they are right, he shows all the signs of being gay. Silent treatment is one thing, any guy can withhold sex for a little while or shrug you off for a little while.... but not forever like your husband does. And Dhivya hit the nail on the head when she said he can do that and ignore your pain, because he himself is happy through other means (i.e. guy on the side).

I would break this relationship, move back in with your parents, and then look for a partner who wants what you want. And just for the sake of it, I would get yourself tested for STD's and stuff like that. You never know what he did before marriage, or during the marriage for the brief time you were intimate together. Sorry if that sounds scary, but better to know, right?

 

PB, your mental state is almost on derailment. You are losing your mind on this forum and your life too. You have gone through hell in this marriage. I personally dont think your husband is gay. Just because he hangs with his friends , they are always with him, while traveling or watching TV will not make a fit case. If he really was he would have hidden it, that is what people do who marry women to show to the society but have secret lives with men..... I dont think he is a gay. He may be truely impotent . If a person is gay you can easily find out the way they interact with each other, the way they look at each other, any other gestures etc. Do you see any of those?

You cannot revive this marriage. like many you are frustrated why your life is wasted and all, but you are drinking, taking sleeping pills, even if tomorrow he is able to perform you cannot be sure you can conceive due to all those addictions side effects. I know you may be wanting physical pleasure, this is torture what he is doing to you. But the solution is now in your hands and not his. you need to walk out now.....at least temprorary.

 

Baby,
Take it seriiously. 5 yrs of marriage and not ready to take treatment.

Try to be intimate. Persuade him wearing half naked clothes and so on. Just give a try like this often.

Even if he is not interested in an intercourse, tell him there are artificial methods like test tube baby and IUI procedures to get a baby, for which he need not take any risk from the medical point of view.
Say that its a common problem now-a-days and many men are taking treatment. And there are techniques to get a baby even in case of male impotency.

Methods like ICSI and related types are more common for impotent men. You can get a baby depending on how advanced his problem is.

For impotency medical field has various solutions. I think your DH should not be this passive. Why then did he marry ? In the first place, he should have stayed away from marriage or told you before marriage about this. This is very bad of him.
But dont loose hope and heart.

Also there have been cases when even IUI has been a success with a zero sperm count. Its only a drop of semen that they view under microscope to get the details of count, so no need to get dejected.
And I have heard that even if they say 0 sperm count, there ll be some sperms in the semen. And he need not come to the clinic at all for that. A good test tube can collect semen culture and you can handle it to the clinic for your IUI or test tube procedures. Tell him that. In India it is possible.

If he feels so bad to come out try collecting semen at home and doing IUI in the clinic. Your hubby need not come to the hospital at all.