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Need opinions on planning for a baby

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sheshin, Jun 13, 2007.

  1. sheshin

    sheshin Gold IL'ite

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    Hi friends,
    I need some advice regarding having a baby.I know it's purely depend on one's own situation of life but i couldn't come to a conclusion so that i'm asking some advice from elders and experienced people.I was married in last august and we decided to have baby after one or two years as i am planning to do MS and want to join MS in coming spring.
    But from past one or two weeks i'm thinking of having baby as soon as possible.Last month my husband shifted his job with a hike in his salary and this is adding some fuel to my thought.But problem is my hubby is not ready for this as it would be a problem to attend university with baby at home.But my mother and m-i-l will help us in bringing up my child.I am feeling lonely through out the day and with this frustration i cry for silly reasons which irritates my husaband and we end up our day with a fight.He is so loving and caring but he will get angry whenever i cry.So i too wanted to change my attitude and i'm half on the way and i think this scenario will change with a baby between us.I think if i have a baby by next summer, i'll be normal by the end of vacation and can continue my education.Please give some advice whether can i handle my study and baby simultaneously.Whether should i have to wait until completion of MS.Please give some opinions as what to do?
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2007
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  2. Shanthi

    Shanthi Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Need opinions

    Having a Baby is a really big deal. Before having a baby you never realize it even if 1001 people say it to you. You never realize the incredible resposiblity that come with having a baby. You change totally once you have a baby. Your life as you know it is gone. Every second you live, every decision you make is now going to revolve around the baby. I did not have any help. So I know first hand how tough it is. I sometimes wonder what I did before having a baby as now I have so much to do and everything involves my daughter.

    I am not discouraging you from having a baby, but to plan accordingly. If you do your MS before a kid, you can concentrate on your studies and get things done. Then have a baby. Even if you have your mil and mom helping you, still 75%of the time you are going to be occupied by the baby. Then when you are studying and attending classes you may start feeling guilty for not spending time with your baby. I was with my baby for the first 3.5 years. It is a wonder seeing them develop from day to day. I feel so happy that I was there to encounter her first hearty laugh, the first time she held her head, first time she sat, first time she took a step, first time she blabbered... oh so many things. If he/she is sick then that's it. I have found that I cannot concentrate on anything when my daughter is sick.

    Not to mention the changes you will go through mentally and physically during your pregnancy and after child birth. ( Don't even get me started on that )

    If you still want a baby first , just know all the consequences and then prepare yourself to face all the problems that you may encounter. It is all up to you. If you are the kind of person who will take up both studies and baby at the sametime then do it. There is no point in being miserable. All I am saying is that it is no cake walk. If your will power is strong enough you can do it. I have known friends who have done that. It's not impossible. It all depends on what you want, how supportive your family is, and how strong your will power is.

    Think, Pray, talk with your hubby, mom, friends and then decide. No use crying and feeling depressed. Having a Baby is not an answer for loneliness. If you read the forums here you will find how many women feel lonely in a marriage even with kids. Prepare for your studies now. Talk with friends. You have no idea how precious this time is. Before having a kid, travel and do things that you have always wanted to do. You have no idea how free you are right now to do anything and everything. Once you have a baby atleast for 3-4 years you will be severly restricted. What you are feeling is normal I guess. Every bride in Us goes through that phase. Don't worry. You can get over it, which ever way you choose.

    Love:wave
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2007
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  3. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Need opinions

    I see.. To me it looks like you are mixing too many small, medium things with soemthing as big as baby issue. You married last august..So that means not even a year. I guess there are few things you need to sort out before plunging into life-long commitment like baby.. I called studies medium issue here.. because of very reason.. That once u enroll for MS.. it will be over in 1.5 or 2 years.. and then you will be on your own.. But with baby.. there is no such timeline.. It s there forever for you to support.. So I dont think its wise to mix them all and get panicked..
    I have been married for almost 3 years now.. And now we are thinking to work out suitable time we want our baby in.. so may be by another year we will have it.. Now I myself was planning to do my MBA during this time.. But frankly speaking... I had figured out my priorities at my age, at my situation. So for me, I have postponed my MBA plans.. Till I have first baby and till it turns 3 years of age..So I would say you need to really put your priorities in line and then first think clearly for urself.. before even indulging your husband into discussion.

    To me it looks like.. you still need first develop harmony in married life and then figure out ways to occcupy your time.. And then see your own priorities, finance, age.. lots of things.. Then you get clear picture what comes ahead for you at this juncture of your life.. As shanthi pointed, child is very big and involving responsibility..
    I hope I could give soem pointers to think..
    Cheers
    Ria
     
  4. Tulasi

    Tulasi Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Need opinions

    Hey,
    I agree with both shanthi & Ria…Baby is not an easy job it’s a life long commitment you should fully ready financially as well as lot of flexible time for both you and your husband. After marriage we waited to have our first baby after 3 years. In the mean time I enjoyed traveling lot with husband and outdoor hiking, movies etc.....but once you have a baby I think its very difficult focus on studying or working for first couple of days. I had very well paid IT job but after I had my second kid decided to quit just could not focus when the kids are sick and feeling guilty not able to spend time with kids.... I think this is your time to enjoy...you can do so many these to occupy yourself.. Just go mall walk around. have small garden. go to library read books. take some classes in the community college...or take classes at Michaels for beading, knitting, painting...etc...I think if you focus on something like this I think you can make yourself happier with out fighting with your husband...
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2007
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  5. shaluj

    shaluj New IL'ite

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    Re: Need opinions

    Hello

    I just want to tell you that....... talk to ur close friends and husband and think before taking a Step
    Having baby and doing your Ms studies is big responsibility. As you said you just got married in last august not year also so my suggestions is enjoy ur married life..... this is good time

    -Regards
     
  6. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Need opinions

    My 2 cents:

    Consider your age first...it is always better to think of a kid much before you reach 30 yrs.

    Also,many Indians are facing fertility issues nowadays..so think about that too.

    I would say 1 - 1 1/2 yrs after your marriage is a good time to plan a baby.
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. sheshin

    sheshin Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Need opinions

    Hi all,
    Thank you Shanthi,Ria,Tulasi,Shaluj and Sunitha.Thanks to all of you for valuable opinions.You all gave me some important points to think.I'll think some more time and list out my priorities before come to any conclusion.

    Love:)
    Neelima
     
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