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need opinion...love or life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by saman, Aug 26, 2012.

  1. saman

    saman Bronze IL'ite

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    stuck in a joint family after love ,marriage,,,not planned kids yet...husband very very emotionally attached to mother and married sister (stays in joint family most of the months), wil never move away from his parents house
    husband cant even listen a word against them, i was bought up with very independent mind set...some times feel urge of getting separated from my husband and live a life of my own..... coz some times i feel i just hav one life and why should i waste it instead of living it as i want....these feelings are coming very frequently recently.....i love my husband very much

    should i stay wit my husband in his joint family
    should i get separated and live as i want

    i cant discuss this wit my husband he thinks i am trying to blackmail him
    pls help me out
     
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  2. Nijasav

    Nijasav IL Hall of Fame

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    Whats your problem??
    Could not adjust in Joint family?
    Or Don't want to share your Dh with inlaws?
    Or they torturing you?
    Or they interfering in your matters?
    Or no privacy?
    Or do you expect your Dh should be more attached with your family and cut off his family?
    Are you dominating?
    And want to dominate your DH and kill his selfrespect?
    Freedom means what???

    Try and adjust in JF ( joint family)
    It is fun to live in JF.
    Less responsiblity in JF
    Major work will be shared and we can depend on...... In Nuclear family, whether we are fine or not we are forced to do all the work.
    In JF, kids will learn lots of good manners and adjustment, which will help them later to win the world.
    ADJUSTMENT is the key secret to win the game of JF.
     
  3. anmolhai

    anmolhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Did you knew before marriage that you will be going in JF? I am thinking since its a love marriage you might have some idea about how your dh is with his family. SO you knew this when you got married. I would suggest talk to dh about how you would like little more independence. I think if you talk ( without talking ill about his parents) and tell him what makes you happy & then see what makes him happy & then find a middle ground . Life is about adjustments . Do you think if you leave your dh you will NOT have to make any adjustments in life? Trust me in life we all have to change & adjust with upcoming situations. If you love your dh try to make it work , it won't be easy but all good things take hard work.
     
  4. Flyhighbluesky

    Flyhighbluesky Silver IL'ite

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    what is the actual problem? stuck in a JF ok but wanna leave Dh for that????

    If you're being tortured(mental, physical or verbal abuse), and cant deal with it anymore then go right ahead and walk out!

    If its freedom issues, you just need to learn the art of convincing!

    It makes me think... today when girls are raised independently and with lavish freedom the boys however and i wonder why.. are all raised in a strict and conserved lifestyle!

    Op... Living single again is a huge step... and in today's fast paced world its manageable too but we will all grow old at one point and having an empty house with lotsa pets(no offence meant) isnt quite fullfilling! and if its to find a new life partner what garuntee do you have that you'll be happier?

    Family or joint family... as long as you dont love the ones in your house,your life... its never a family!
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    If she is deciding in that level she might be really troubled by things there. Yes, you must have given it a thought before marriage but its okay. You are an individual and they have to respect your freedom and thoughts. Since your husband married you and he does love you he HAS to respect your freedom and thoughts. They hve no choice other than giving your freedom to yours and ofcourse you too love him so you need to make adjustments according to that. Dont fall at mercy of others for your freedom. Its yours so dont ask anyone for it . Love needs adjustments too so do that accordingly . Best of luck :)
     
  6. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi dear, what's the issue out here that u want to move out and live separate. U must be aware of the fact that u had to live with ur ILs after marriage. Are they bothering u or troubling u? U need to think of everything as even if u move out, living alone wont be easy. When u live with family there are certain restrictions and life is difficult but then see ur DH and his love for u too.
    I live with my ILs, as he is the only son we can't leave them alone. My MIL is big time nagging woman and wants everything her way. I work 5 days a week and at weekends she expects me to take care of the house and do all that ideal bahu's work! Yes, and then list of endless instructions which I keep listening to and if I don't do it, I have to see her tantrums and drama! I hate her and her ways to the core but then I feel may be I am in this situation for some lessons. And I have found ways to enjoy myself out of the home, with colleagues (during my lunch times) and I have turned deaf to my MIL. When MIL is not around, I go out and do what I like. With her instructions, I have stopped bothering and I do what I can and leave the rest. How much u will bother about living ur life as per other's wish? U have to find ur freedom someway, and look for that rather than thinking of separating. Yes, if it's really bothering u then decide what is best for u, to live with him or without him.
     
  7. saman

    saman Bronze IL'ite

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    hi,
    thank u all for ur advice....
    hi nijasav
    my in laws are ok people ..not good not bad...
    not torturing kind or any thing
    well wen i say freedom
    think after a days hard work and struggle with out side world i would like to come back home....relax in a sofa...stretch my legs....watch tv for some time....
    go into kitchen in comfortable / sexy clothes...
    have a candle light dinner with my husband once a week...
    cook along with my husband
    and this kind of stuff.....

    i really would like to hear from all ladies in joint family (with out kids ) what u say to your self wen ur mind says
    oh girl....u have to adjust now coz ur inlaws are around....
     
  8. apaasn

    apaasn Gold IL'ite

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    I totally understand the freedom and how suffocating it must be for you.
    But leaving your husband for this reason seems like a bad decision.Thats my opinion,take it or leave it.
    Try discussing this with your husband,I mean your desires.
    I have a friend who lives in a joint family like you,she and her husband go on monthly vacations to Kerala,resorts,ooty,Shimla.Get away from in laws atleast for a weekend.Talk to your husband abt how you dream of doing all these things but have to compromise because of them.Tell him you understand that we have to live with them but we can go for a vacation,only the two of us.Discuss this if you have to with mil sweetly n nicely,how you both would like some free time.Since you dont have kids you can go where you want now,after kids you will be stuck doing things for them.
    Try to get a tv in your room,say you dont get sleep sometimes and want to watch tv late night.
    There are ways to work this out without breaking the marriage.
    Good luck to you!
     
    2 people like this.
  9. Tashsin

    Tashsin Gold IL'ite

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    Itz up to you..if you any manage in joint family..so stay with them..if not then at least try for sometime for 1-2yr..if you feel you are not happy with situation then move out with DH..normally now a days no one want to stay in joint family BCz of rules and regulation everyone want freedom in his life..
     

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