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Need help

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ajuma, Feb 24, 2010.

  1. ajuma

    ajuma Senior IL'ite

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    Dear all,

    My inlaws are here to take care of our baby. until few months everything was good between us. Then we had fightings for few times, we had some arguments and as i am very straight forward, i shouted at MIL.
    After that she stopped talking to me, They try to behave very deplomatic. but i can see that they dont speak anything when i am around at home.
    and if i tell my DH anything about inlaws he just tell that i am not behaving properly with them.I should not tell anything directly to them. They only speak with DH.
    Whether i should be worried about all this? or how should i behave with them. I am very much disturbed by all this, and i personally dont want to leave my baby n go to work, due to circumstances i need to continue my job as well.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
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  2. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [justify]
    Hmm .... every relationship there are arguments and dis-agreements but you should never shout at other person.....and especially shouting at person who is your elder obviosuly triggers even their ego/anger...Elders also do wrong and commit mistakes I agree and sometimes it triggers your anger very much and you shout...but does that solve the problem ?? Or invites new problems and increases current problem. I obviously agree you will have dis-agreements...talk to them in soft manner... even if it triggers your anger...try to be calm and tell your opinion clearly... You did not mention in your post that even they shout at you. So I am presuming they didn't shout...I mean they may argue but didn't shout .

    Obviously when most of your( you and MIL) discussions lead to arguments they do act diplomatic and avoid talking anything when you are at home.

    Don't be worried about all these...It does not solve your problem..It increases !!! If you want to bring the good old times back,talk to them in good manner.. they are here to help you . Clear your mind and.. enjoy your stay with them :)
    [/justify]
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Now you know that your ILaws cant take direct discussions then henceforth you'll have to talk to them via your DH.

    Also its never advisable to scream/ speak loudly to anyone elder in Indian society.. hence you'll have to apologise and get back on track.. .tell her that its your harmones and post partum phase and that you shall never shout back at her... the way we tell sorry to our own moms and get back on good note with them.
    They'll never forget it unlike parents & you'll have to make constant efforts to be on good note with them.
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Ajuma

    I can understand you getting angry but Shouting on MIL was a bad step! Am sure not only that hurts your MIL but also your husband..and your husband being hurt would have some ill effects on you...like he taking sides...

    I think that you should apologize to your MIL. Tell her that you didnt know how to handle what so ever at that time, and that you were tired and it was slip of tongue and request her not to take it to heart and that being elders seek her forgiveness.

    Am sure all of you might have been tired with the after effects of new born, taking care of the baby, waking up at night or sleeping late or no sleepat all..and they being elders they are more worried and they get tired easily too...As you said everything was good in the initial days...might be its the stress and exhaustion thats causing these anger levels to raise.

    Also please do say sorry to your husband for your reaction towards MIL. This would help you in making peace with things now it self when your inlaws are around...If they go back to India with this bad experience , you talking over phone or saying anything wouldnt matter and both of you would keep sticking to this past fights and would make future hell..So good thing is clear it out now..be a big person and let it go...this is a happy time for you ...to enjoy with your new born...so dont let anything spoil these happy moments...good luck dear!
     
  5. Vandanaa

    Vandanaa New IL'ite

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    Hi Ajuma

    I would again go by others words.. You should have avoided shouting to elders.

    In laws are there to help you.Even if there is slight misunderstandings try telling Softly and sort out the issue.EVen asking a Sorry for shouting will make things better.Nothing is lost..

    The best damage control you could do now is start talking to them nicely and definitely they will be back to normal in few days. Stop worrying too much about it..It happens !!!!! Working moms always have the pressure of not spending much time with the baby and depending on others for help..
    But it is all for our sake and we need to live with it..

    Have a nice time with the new born and in laws who have helped you relived the pressure of putting the baby in daycare.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  6. ajuma

    ajuma Senior IL'ite

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  7. luckybychance

    luckybychance Senior IL'ite

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    try to get connected with ur baby and dh..
    4get all that stuff and concentrate on ur job as well

    dont complain to ur DH
    he know wht is happening, but just bcoz he cannot say anything to his parents he is removing that frustration on u

    give some time for things to settle down...

    wish u all the best
     
  8. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]
     
  9. Vandanaa

    Vandanaa New IL'ite

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    Somethings are better when not said ...Being Straight forward is good..But in case of handling relationships if it really doesnot affect us so much it is better to avoid telling it right at face..
    Just stop talking about the issue to DH and keep moving doing the routine chore and talking to them normally.Hope things will be back to normal soon.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  10. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    I really dont buy this concept of
    I like to tell the things clearly in front only instaed of speaking behind

    My inlaws are also rough, loud, abusive and maintain the same philosophy, that they cant sugar coat and express their worst feeling in a tactical manner.

    It is fine as long as you're a child, once you grow up you can use the same methodology with people who can reply you same (which is at same level) .. when in hierarchy you can neither take and give... cos if you're at lower level u'll get 100 times back & if you're at authority, you maynot get it immedeately but yes a long term resentment will build in person who's a recieving end.
     

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