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Need Help :-(

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sparkle19, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. Lakshmikishore

    Lakshmikishore Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sparkle,

    Is he affectionate at least with your kid.If No..
    Please be cautious and Inform school management not to send your kid with anyone.
    As you have stopped to give your salary to H , may lead to bad consequences as well
    So be cautious..Sorry if my opinion hurts you
     
  2. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    i find no reason to continue with this relationship.
    You would be better off by living away from him and divorcing him. I usually don't give this advice to anyone easily, but in your situation that would be the appropriate one not only for yourself but for the benefit of your kid. Please seek the same. I assure you that you would feel at peace when it is done.
     
    4 people like this.
  3. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    Hugs to you... sorry for you... thank god for giving you strength to survive with this man for the past 8 years....

    Most of the women, would prefer to be divorced if they are in your case. But you want to live in a typical family environment.... Appreciate it....

    As everybody says, give some time.... pray to god.... Once try to meet him somewhere, not at home.... try to understand what is there in his mind... if he is not interested at all, there is no point in wasting time..... U have to accept the fact....

    If he really wants to live ,then you need to keep conditions before joining him....
     
  4. sweety17

    sweety17 Gold IL'ite

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    Hugs OP,

    Yours is really a very delicate situation. For starters, you have taken charge of your salary. So expect a nasty behavior from his side. But you don't budge. If parents are supportive, well and good else move to another place closer to office. First take full control of the financial details. Leave DH for now. You start making your world which will take a couple of months.

    Within this period DH will contact you, if not for anything for your money at least or may be with the excuse of the kid. Stay strong. Don't bend. I don't want to sound gross but don't let him any where near you.

    If he comes for the kid, let him in and let him spend time with the kid and leave. Slowly he will bring up the topic then let him know firmly your conditions. Negotiate with him terms and conditions of living with him. No need to fight, just be firm and strong in what you talk. God Bless dear!!
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    You love him still and miss him?
    For what?For paying him to abuse you?
    If you miss that so much...give your money to your mother and ask her to beat you once in a while.

    Seriously op...you are grown woman who is financially independent.Get your act together for the sake of your child or he will grow up to be like his father.

    And don't worry about missing him so much....this is the first month he doesn't have his hands on your money.He is going to come back for it.If you care for yourself and your child ,prepare for his visit and how to deal with him.

    Do you have the support of your family?
     
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  6. shruthisp

    shruthisp Gold IL'ite

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    OP, you could be a co-dependent, please check with a counselor.
     
  7. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    It is good you came out if the house after so long . Now stay put and try you build you own life .i would say don't go back to him .

    If he comes back and wants to be back with you and you still want to stay with him , Lay some ground rules . Take full control of your salary and don't give a paisa to him and if possible register a DV case at police station or at least et police to give warning to your husband .


    there is no hope for your child if you let him continue with abuse. Since you already gathered courage and out of his home , please keep up the outage and do what is right for yourself and kid.
     
  8. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    Avoiding you for last 8 years..And using your money, without any shame..
    Don't you feel ashamed to live like this...

    You are educated, Career oriented woman. Why do you need a partner like this..
    Please STOP your accounts sharing with immediate effect. Please collect all evidence
    for the money he spent from your account..

    File a case immediately..Claim all the money he spent so far back..There is a life beyond this.. You loose nothing, but a dumb AH..

    All the best
     
  9. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    YM.you are awesome!kneesmiley I know, its out of context - but this made me crack up!
     
    3 people like this.
  10. indubalram

    indubalram Gold IL'ite

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    I feel we need to understand from husband point of view as well. Im sure husband is not insane to behave this way. All was well for 2 initial years according to op. so what was the reason for this attitude. if op you really love him then you need to find out what has created this rift between you both. that is MO
     
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