need help to understand my reaction for this issue with FIL

Anamika99 · Jul 26, 2011

I do not know how to represent this so I will just kind of write it out how it happened.

My son is very interested in acting/dancing/music.
He is almost 7 yr
One of his teacher is teaching Drama Camp which is week long camp 2-5pm.
She also recognized my son’s interest and creativity so asked if he’d want to join. I mentioned to her about pick up issue as DH and I work full time and class being in the middle of the day. She offered to help with pick up.
Also another fact I’d like to state is that right now it is summer break so no school. Besides my son has evening classes for music and swimming 3 days a week. So those days it’d happen that after Dram camp is over DH or I will be taking him directly to those classes. This gets little hectic but considering he will be leaving home 1pm and coming back by 7pm we thought it’d be ok. But we still were thinking. My son kept insisting that he was very much interested so we oked.

Also, my son is home with grand parents (PILs)

Today morning there was lots of negativity in the morning from my MIL that you guys are doing wrong, why does he need to go, classes he is doing are enough (as a matter of fact, he is getting bored at home without kids so we have enrolled him in few camps on and off during his summer camp) . and so on for 30 mins….while there was some valid concern from her , in spite of me clarifying everything she continued and I was so annoyed with negativity and praying that nothing goes wrong (when ever MIL says something that you should not do it because of this and that and if we still do it…and we are right in approach, still things ends up going bad for a reason or two beyond our control..and we get “I told you so’ from MIL. Hence I was hoping nothing goes wrong )

Unfortunately teacher forgot cell at home and as per direction she took off of web she got lost. She had to turn around without my son.

My son was upset, I was talking to him over the phone from work and trying to explain to him (he did not know what had happened and why he’d be missing the first day) and he started crying (he is sensitive and does not handle change of plan very well without logical explanation. ) I could here my FIL started scolding him “I asked you to talk not cry ….” I could feel he snatched the phone, and then it was disconnected and never called back. (for another reason I ended up talking to FIL over the phone in 5 mins again but he never mentioned anything about hanging up and scolding my son)

I am so frustrated with situation. The kind of personality my son has and the philosophy I have, he should have been consoled, and he is just 7 years old and he can feel upset by such let down and we need to understand it.

(it seems small issue but this is not one instance, it keeps happening for one thing or the other, too much of instructions, too much of ‘no’…(do not do that, do not do this…) , too much of advise

Am right to feel the way I do?

chocolate · Jul 26, 2011

Anamika,Here is the thing.There shud be parenting done only by one set of parents.Your son was upset. So the logical thing was you speak to him or your husband.He cries, he throws tantrum. You control. Not grandparents. There shud be no conflict of grandpa said yes mom said no.Thats wrong.Its not that grandparents shud not parent but they shud also respect parents opinion and act accordingly.Not say your mom said no but I feel its okay you can do it.No point telling your FIL anything .So go in other direction. Your son.

Please have a talk with your son. Tell him the teacher had a problem so she cudnt come. That wont happen again .He shud be a big boy and not cry but do something else.Get him some constructive toy to play around with when he is bored or waiting.Good Luck.

sheztheone · Jul 26, 2011

This is a very common situation-clash of parenting techniques between parents and GPs. Though my son is much younger than yours, DH and I have experienced this sort of thing when we were with GPs. I have seen it happen a lot with my friends/relatives.
You and DH can try and sit with them and gently explain how you would like the situation to be handled. If you are lucky, your PILs may oblige after your repeating the same thing to them over and again. Some GPs understand and respect the parents' concerns/way of parenting but some others do not like to be told what to do. Remember that ultimately, they are the ones who spend the whole day with your son and what they do is beyond your control. If it affects you a lot and you are very particular about how you want your son to be handled, there is no option but to have either DH or you quit your job and take care of DS.