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Need help to overcome depression and loneliness

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ilovesai, Sep 6, 2013.

  1. ilovesai

    ilovesai Silver IL'ite

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    DH doesn't talk much at home.. He is quiet most of the time and I feel we don't have anything to talk other than kids related stuff.. Even if I ask a question, most often there won't be any reply other than shaking his head.. His nature is that way.. Earlier, he used to be like that to his parents when we were living together as a joint family.. Now its to me.. I am also bored initiating conversations, I feel its one-sided always.. I read somewhere that dating your self/spending time by yourself would be the best way to get out of loneliness and depression.. Any ideas? He is anti-social and doesn't invite anyone home and doesn't like it too.. I don't have any friends at work too.. Sometimes, it feels very lonely..

    These days, I don't feel like calling anyone or talking to any one (relatives).. I used to be a talkative person before, now I don't feel like sharing anything with DH because of his nature.. He doesn't behave this way to outsiders, colleagues or his very close friends back home.. If we outside in a hotel and the manager asks him how the food was, he would say very nice.. But if I ask, he will just shake his head... There are lots of things like this.. I have told him openly too, but no help..
     
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  2. Shinylady

    Shinylady Bronze IL'ite

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    Once we are married for x many years we start taking partners for granted. It could be just that. From your thread I understand that you have kids. You can spend time with them, talking them to movies, park, museum or any other fun places. Inform your hubby about your plans. If he also joins, it will be a good family outing. I understand what you are going through as I am going through phase as well. Even if we go out by ourselves, leaving the kids, there is nothing to converse or just talk about kids and their school stuff. Gets so boring.:thumbsdown
     
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  3. Maddy2087

    Maddy2087 Platinum IL'ite

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    There is nothing to feel depressed about. You are unnecessarily inviting unhappiness and depression into our life.You are one lucky woman because your husband doesn't speak and definitely he wouldn't poke his nose in your life :2thumbsup:. Such a wonderful time and situation to make use of . Discover yourself, enlarge your friends circle, read good books, garden , do some social work , go for a long drive listening your favorite song,exercise,learn salsa/ zumba(so many options to choose from) .Your ability to find happiness is in your hands.

    If you want i can list many other ways to find happiness. There is nothing wrong in your life you will be fine :)

    I will end this with a quote

    If you are lonely when you are alone then you are in a very bad company
    :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2013
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  4. pranatim

    pranatim Platinum IL'ite

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    Ur ID is ilovesai so please believe in him. Depression may be due to something else also you never know. Have you ever tried your creative aspect. Believe me it helps a lot if you feel lonely. Take up a book, plant some trees or create a kitchen garden you will feel awesome. Develop a hobby painting, cooking, baking etc. Try things which makes you happy always think positive and be happy. Try to change your life style. Go for a walk ask your husband to join you. If he says no, go alone. Its one life one chance to live it to the fullest.
     
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  5. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes there are many ways to keep yourself busy and happy. Since you have kids which obviously means you are occupied and you seem to be working so there is no room for loneliness.. your hubby seem to be an introvert so let him be that way you cannot change is whole nature altogether as you have agreed that he is been like that since his childhood, try to enjoy your space, stop expecting appreciations from him which only leads to disappointment, try making friends with your kids parents, enjoy shopping alone, do things which makes you feel good.
     
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  6. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    dont know what to say.You married introvert kind of a guy.It is his nature.i dont know if you can change this.Only option is spend time with a person with whom you can talk.
     
  7. ilovesai

    ilovesai Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for writing.. Yes you are right, "married for x number of years and taking her for granted".. He was not like this during early phase of marriage.. Hmm, he was super nice and talking well to me.. He will not be open to his parents , very reserved, but talk to me well (inside our room).. Now its opposite.. Even now, he talks well to colleagues and to close friends.. Maybe he doesn't have anything to talk or plain bored.. Actually, there are lots of things that one could talk like current news, sports or cinema, but I wonder why he keeps mum..
     
  8. ilovesai

    ilovesai Silver IL'ite

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    Wow that sounds like a nice idea.. "Kitchen Gardening".. Thanks pranati
     
  9. suhasini22

    suhasini22 Bronze IL'ite

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    Maddy, Iam almost in the same situation like OP and have been trying to do what all you have mentioned in your post,but somewhere I feel the emptyness in me,My husband doesn't talk much and doesn't even hear what i say ,he is always in his own world,so I started engaging myself trying to fill up his place with other things I love but sometimes I feel iam missing him so much,how i long for his hug and one kiss from him,or atleast just a short sweet talk but I hardly get any of those from him,i keep thinking then what is the meaning of marraige after all marraige is companionship,but if we were to live by ourselves then where is the meaning in living together. I donno but whenever I come across post like this I become so sad feel sorry for myself and OP.
     
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  10. Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    Your post made me cry all over again..yes whatever u said is exactly same with me...looks like my mirror has written this...& am really very upset and depressed today coz thats what has been bothering me whole day in office and i even text him to let him know that how can this work for many more years to come...again no reply from him...i have send him 11 smses but no reply...yes...its said that if we spend time on our hobbies and so on...to beat depression...i have tried that too...but how long and for how many more years we can continue doing same...am so very stressed out...at times I feel...why the hell am here? yes he is very caring and loves me lot but when it comes to give me company to share talks...he is not ready...yest he came late from office , he looked off mood coz he even use to ask or talk to me in lil rude way so while having dinner i asked him...'what happened?...any prob in office' he said NO...to that i said...ok ...' but incase if ever u have ne problem in office or so u can share with me...' to this he got angry 'I said naa there is no problem...y u keep asking me? do u want me to create problem if theres none ' to this i said thik hai than any problem with me..i asked him politely..i said further am worried and i care for u so am asking...to this he said after working for 15 hrs work u r asking me whats the problem etc...to i said ok sorry...i know u r tired...ok lets talk something else...to this he got angry...will u let me dine...yeah or should i get up?
    I started crying there....i was hungry before but i couldnt complete my dinner....and since than am nt talking to him and than i msged him from office but he didnt reply to me....
    at age of 60 my parents r like best buddies...share each n every talk...here if i casually ask kyu aaj lunch nahi le jaa rahe is par bhi he gets angry..instead of sharing ki party hai office main ki team lunch hai
    He will never remain quiet when he has to advice me , criticise me and yes what maddy mentioned yes...all this fun activities we have done in our life before marriage and continue doing after marriage too but we need partner with whom we have emotional bonding & that we expect from none other than husband...how to live life of single though being married...is it so easy to follow?
    We have great intimacy between interms of hugging and kissing and yeah he cant see me quiet for long and comes to me of his own...but physical intimacy is nt all...emotional bonding is what we crave for.
    I really dnt have nething to tell u...am just very upset...am talkative gal but silent right now...and this silence is killing me
     

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