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Need help on how to change myself

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by vanivineela, Apr 15, 2014.

  1. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    :notthatway: Why have you resigned Vani ? Get your job back !!
     
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  2. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    Im seeing this problem in other angle. Never mind about the things happening in you life. Let them do what ever they want and pay for their acts. What if you where not working together..you never come to know about this relation. Relationship should build on mutual trust and commitment. There is much diifrence in getting it forcefully.
    There will be thousands of people, situations we will have in our life who leads to extra martial affairs. But only those those people fall in those pits who are vulnurable . if he loves you in true heart and give value to the relation, one day he will come back to you and apologize for what ever he has done.
     
  3. lucky2

    lucky2 Platinum IL'ite

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    it might be other way around.

    i guess your husband purposely taking blame and doesnt want to ruin her reputation..i believe noone would say that he asked for pic when confronted.jmo.

    she might have sent him her pic.

    yes you definetely need to change. you have always been nice to them, dint utter a word when hanging tgather leaving you behind, you gave them space and what all gathering, hanging around, going to lucnh togather happend with your consent and they might have thought that you are happy with them. you are the only reason for their emotional bond going stronger. now you are looking for new job , ru feeling gulity that you are invading their free space/time?

    dont let this emotional affair grow more stronger and sideline you further.stick to your present job and do let your husband know his limits. you both need to change togather.
     
  4. hotchillipepper

    hotchillipepper Gold IL'ite

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    Try to keep your mind cool. Its impossible to deal with such sensitive issue when we are not able to think straight. This is a typical office romance and i am pretty sure everybody in office(including your husbands seniors) must have felt it. Being a boss, he is at a authoritative position and she is needy, they are opposite poles! Try to remind your husband about His reputation as a manager. If divya gets a raise and somebody in your husbands team didnt then you can imagine how easy it will be to manipulate this issue! Then there are work place ethics and policies. If diyva or her husband drags your husband into harassment politics then your husband might find himself alone. Try to explain complications to your husband (even if he knows still remind him). Meanwhile talk to divya(without losing your cool) that people have started talking about her and your husband, so for betterment of Her reputation she should keep her Official discussions to level of all her teammates and if possible change the job! Give her number to some consultants ;-).you can tell her that she is in so much trouble already and deserves much better treatment and this company is too bad for her talent and you have this really great consultant who can help her finding a much better place in market ;-). Never leave your husband till he gets his senses. She might be using her falling marriage as a ladder in office (not necessarily raise but easier assignments, or less bashing for lousy work, she has a fool by her side. Such emotional affairs are really toxic. sooner you deal with both of them better it is.Never shout, make harsh/irrelevant comments. good luck.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2014
  5. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    If you are cool and composed, do not behave rudely with Divya, then I will label you 'ABNORMAL'.

    With the current behaviour, you are a perfectly normal wife. That woman is the mate poacher here, who attempts to poach on your mate. Naturally, any wife in your place would get on the defensive, in an all out effort to defend one's husband. That is what exactly you are doing now !

    This is yet another evidence, that a mate poacher can be a woman.

    (There are some members in this forum, who consistently believe , men are always , the only culprits to be blamed in every instance of mate poaching ).

    Do not resign from this place of work. If you do that mistake, then there won't be any restraint to your husband as well as to that girl in going ahead with their affair !
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2014
  6. peeks

    peeks Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with all said, do not resign, how will you know what is really happening, by resigning you are in effect giving your DH the 'green light' to do as he pleases without you being around. You need to let him know you are watching his behaviour
    good luck!
     
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  7. thinkingHusbank

    thinkingHusbank New IL'ite

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    Tell your husband that if her husband files adultry case on you, you will get into bigger loss financially, emotionally and loss of reputation in society and in office.
    Ask your husband to change the team. Because you are in same office talk to HR if something like that can be done.
     
  8. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    This situation is called the "office spouse".

    they may not get physical but emotionally very close.

    what that gal did or wat your hubby did is also not right.
    However u yelling or screaming is not going to solve things.

    Ur dh is the only one who can solve this problem.even if the gal leaves the office another gal might come! ur dh has to understand that trust and honour r very imp in a wedding.he might be lacking something in life.probably he needs more emotional support?? go out on a date with him and tak to him.pour ur heart out.try to get closer to him.get that gal out of his mind.
     
  9. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    Divya's hubby is suspecting type ,yet she spend hours talking to other males...I wonder why that hubby didn't say anything about it or was it just ruse to gain sympathy......

    you,apparently thought its very normal for a married man & married collagues to spend hours chatting to each other ,exchanging messages ,pictures & even going out for lunch...

    well,it is not & however modern we want to show ourself somethings have to be kept within society tried and tested ways & it is one of them, specially when it was given that D's hubby is suspecting type.......it kind of makes that hubby suspect her wife who inspite of knowing about her hubby's nature is still talking to people of other gender and same goes for your hubby...........

    all this so called modern thinking has brought nothing but bad vibe...your relation with hubby is tarnished.......you have lost one good collagues......you have resigned and I suspect that is just face saver as you shouted at her in office and now are being defensive by resigning............

    the best solution is that all three of you sit..... clearly discuss boundaries to be maintained between collagues.
     
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