need help on convincing parents for intercaste marriage - urgent

No, I have not. I have many friends and relatives from India, mostly from the larger cities, though some also from smaller cities. No village friends though.

Edit to add: actually, I have been to very small villages in Tamil nadu some years ago, when I went to assist with medical care on a mobile clinic. I wouldn't expect to see any of them posting on an online forum in English though.

Edit #2: I'd also like to add that I once cared for an Indian guy who broke things off with me because his parents couldn't accept our caste differences. And he wasn't willing to stand up. My husband also went through the same pain. So while I may not be fully aware of village dynamics, I know that this issue of being scared to stand up to parents needlessly hurts innocent people.

 

u have already decided to part ways? or he has decided and you are following it? what miracle did u expect to happen in 2 years. i know a girl who waited 7 years for her dad to change his mind and he never did so she went ahead and married that guy and living like a princess now... happily... her dad has not accpeted yet.. still she is happy in her own way.. with her husband and his family.... thats a different kind of happiness... your parents said what they had to say... i am sorry i dont mean to offend you.. but have heard this suicide dhamki many many times..... but it never happens...
whatever the path you follow let me say something-Dont carry over the spite to your future husband.. dont play blame game with him or hate him or deny him happiness...
Only you knows whats best for you...this is a tricky situation so best of luck....

 

Dear Reader....having been through a love marriage myself I can only imagine your pain had things not worked out. There were specific lines in ur post that resonates with my feelings and I dont think I could have gone ahead had my parents not been on board completely. Going against parents and tying the knot is not the only yard stick of courage. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to let go things we love. You know ur parents and the pressure in a village the best....and no not all parents are manipulative and scheming ..sometimes they are just victims of circumstances themselves. You have taken your time to arrive at this decision and it must not have been an easy one....
I hope in time you will be able to pick up the pieces and move on.

 

OP,

There is no one solution to all problems. People respond differently to the same circumstances based on their personal beliefs and in this instance, your relations with your family.

No, you are not at fault for falling in love...getting to know someone and falling in love is not something that is governed by rules and regulations. Nor are you a coward for not taking the baton and marching out. In circumstances like these girl's parents have it much tougher.

From your post you sound like first generation learner, at least for a girl. Am I right? These would be new experiences for your family. One thing I've noticed amongst my experiences is that parents are usually afraid of the unknown for their children. Do you think you can give them an opportunity to get to know your boy friend well?

It seems the problem is not your lack of courage but their lack of courage. As they get to know him, they will be able to re-evaluate their priorities...and be able to tell others that they wanted this marriage for you (rather than the caste or living as per other's expectations). From what you say, it seems like they are also in two minds...not wanting to deny you and yet afraid to act as per their wishes.

As one other poster said, two years is not a long time. you must be in your early twenties, or twenty five at the most...why not wait a few years longer? It doesn't sound as if there is a lot of threats and such. Besides, you have younger brother not a sister. In our society, he will be fine!

Right now you are caught in the emotions of the moment. But there is something else to think about. Irrespective of who you marry, things may or may not work out. There is no guarantee either way. If you marry the person of your choice, you can hold yourself responsible for any mistakes. But if it doesn't work Out with the guy of your parents' choice, there will always be a question...'what if?' it is only human to develop feelings of resentment.

Sit down, prioritize the things you need in your life...in terms of your relationships. Then decide what you can't live with out and go for it. Courage is multifaceted...and whatever you choose is only your right or wrong. Just as your parents shouldnt live for others' approval, you don't have to justify your actions to us either.

Good luck.

 

@rkki- Agree with you 100%. Wish more women took charge of their destiny and happiness.

 

OP- you were a adult woman when you fell in love with a man. I hope you will have the strength to follow you heart. Just remember, society that passes so much judgement will not be there if you need them. In this case even your parents are more concerned about their own self. My suggestion will be to follow your heart not you head.

 

The caste may be different but color of the blood is still red.

 

I though our friends and relatives came to our wedding to share the happiness of the happy couple and their families. I begining to think i am very naive......

 

Agreed- small village or big town- the matters of heart are same. I have a very good friend who was dating this girl he was so besotted about. Her parents opposed, she sccumbed to her parent's wishes got married elsewhere. I always wondered the same- you know your parents. Given that if you get involved with someone, and then leave them, you are making a decision not just about your life but also someone else's and that is so wrong on so many levels.

 

You pointed out some very important things- Going against parents is not really about courage. I cannot imagine marrying anyone aginast my parents wishes. Thankfully I did not have to go through that.If it was me, I would have waited out their opposition. Of course, all this is with the assumption that the guy is the best for you and will make you happy for the rest of your life.

Second thing- many parents are also as helpless becasue like you said they too are victims of circumstances/ societial conditioning.
Sometimes they do things thinking they are doing the best for you.