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Need Help...Mother-in-law wants sit always in front seat next to my husband

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by pandu1, Sep 3, 2014.

  1. pandu1

    pandu1 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,
    This is 3rd visit of my in-laws from India and in the past 2 visit my mother-in-law always sit next to my husband and leaving me and my father-in-law in the back seat. I did not feel comfortable at all but did not say anything to my husband that time. I am totally OK if my father-in-law sits in front and me and MIL sits back as we should leave the front seat for males.

    In this visit also she is doing the same thing.. 99% of the time only my MIL,FIL and my husband goes out for shopping and everything. I stay home with my kid. Recently we all(including my 2 kids) went out to friends house, we dont have the mini van so we took 2 cars. And my MIL wanted to sit in my hubby's car (next to him in the front seat and talking to him all the way) and asked my FIL to sit in my car. And my husband encouraged that. I was expecting atleast this time she should come with me and males will go in a different car. I am really feeling very bad about this.

    Not only sitting next to my husband ,.. she loves to talk to my husband all the time and vice versa(my hubby also loves to talk to her for hours even when I am around) . All these are making me feel like I am left alone and nobody cares about me.. Is it wrong that a wife wants to sit next to her husband or atleast let the FIL sit in front seat instead of MIL.

    Please help..

    Thanks,
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2014
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  2. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Pandu,

    From your post I understand that you guys live abroad and your in-laws maybe in India, which means they only visit you for a couple of months. They do not stay with you always.
    In such case, maybe you can just let her sit next to her son, whom she would have missed all the days she dint get to spend time with him.
    As long as you do not sit next to your husband, I think it shouldn't make any difference as to who sits next to him.

    If this troubles you so much, talking to your husband might help. But honestly I feel this is not a very major issue that should upset your mood or hurt you.

    Try to be a part of the conversation wherever you can. Let them know that you are feeling left out and not involved as a person of that family.
    Tell your MIL that you would like to talk to her and want her to talk to you , and you both can have a chat in the back seat when dad-son conversation happens in the front seat.
    Unless you speak they would not understand.

    Coming to male and female - I think your father in law is quite ok with coming in ur car or sitting next to you, maybe he just doesn't bother much as long as he is around his son n daughter in law.

    You did not mention how is the relationship with your in-laws i general. If everything is fine and its just the car seat issue, maybe you can just let it go.
     
    2 people like this.
  3. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    MIL sits in the front seat: It can be interpreted either way
    MILs extreme possessiveness over her son
    MIL misses her dear son for a long time as they stay far away from each other
    MIL and son (H) wants to enjoy this togetherness once in a while
    MIL has spinal cord or any type of health issues, so she finds it comfortable to sit in the front seat
    MIL and H thinks it is just for some days once in a while, so you may not be bothered.

    There is no rule that ONLY males to sit in front. Anyone can... In my home, we give the preference to the one who is in need. Particularly, if someone else joins us, the elderly one, the pregnant one, or the one with health issues takes the front seat for convenience. But on a daily basis it is always my seat.

    However, my otherwise normal and healthy MIL would want to sit in the front seat, for no apparent reasons, but for possessiveness only, then I would confront with my H for this. Not that I would confront if she wants once in a while, but definitely if that is a routine between them.

    A word of caution to your H would help.... But it all depends on the circumstance and health matter of IL.

    If you are not included in their 99% of the trip, then that's not something normal either.
     
    6 people like this.
  4. padmaja909

    padmaja909 Platinum IL'ite

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    hi pandu
    next time you suggest that let males sit in front, we females can talk freely if we sit behind. if you take two cars you decide first itself who will ride in which car, and move them according to that.
    if these things dont work, just remember its only for a visit and after they go back, its your kingdom and you are the queen of it.
     
  5. Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    Why is it ok if the FIL sits in the front seat while its not ok if MIL sits there? Aren't both of them his parents?

    I don't see any serious issues here. My MIL sits in front seat of our car every time she comes for visit. I don't have any problem with that even though we don't share a good relationship.

    Dear Op, they are there for visit ...and its not that they are going to stay there forever thus taking over your front sit rights. Maybe she misses her son and feel closer to him by talking longer hours and sitting beside him in the car.

    Most of us with children will be MIL one day. And please remember that we don't want our DIL to hate us for just sitting beside our son in the car.
     
    2 people like this.
  6. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with Gracie.. As I can make out from your post they visit you just ocassionally and are not staying with you, I feel you shouldn't bother much abt the issue. Maybe she just wants to spend as much time as possible with her son...Dont bother much unless ofcourse you feel she is just evading your space in your hubby's time and life or she is trying to poison his ears against you.. I hope it's not like that.

    Cheers
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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  8. Afterunion

    Afterunion Senior IL'ite

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    Well, that's a little weird. I guess she's being possessive. Since you visit India only couple of times a year, you better ignore it.
    But if its bothering you too much, you can politely ask her if she would mind sitting in the back seat along with you. Tell her that you miss her and would be happy to talk to her during the journey.
    You can do the same thing while you and your husband drive different cars. Invite her politely to accompany you while you drive.
    Charm her and she'll fall for it :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2014
  9. Shina

    Shina Gold IL'ite

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    As they are there temporarily let this issue take a back seat. Just enjoy her absence next to you rather than letting her presence next to ur husband take away your peace of mind.
     
  10. jigisha321

    jigisha321 Gold IL'ite

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    Is your relationship with MIL sweet on the face ? If so, then sweetly ask her "Ma let's sit and chat together today", on your next trip in car..See what she does..If she relents then fine..if she makes some excuse to sit with son only, then she is surely doing this to show her ownership and make you feel left-out...

    IMO, your MIL can enjoy chatting sessions with her son at home...maybe once/twice in the car...but doing this every time in the car can be a bit irritating for you..I can understand..pity that your H doesnot ask YOU to sit with him in front of his mom..then she will get the hint..Since your H is not doing his bit, try doing as I suggested..
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2014
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