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Need Help In Managing Short Tempered And Highly Irritable Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Sep 26, 2021.

  1. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi NTBS,
    It sounds like he’s immersed in his own woes and taking all that you do for granted and expecting even more.
    I know you feel insecure to confront him but really there is no other way to make him realize except by your pointing it out. A simple and silent way to make him and in-laws realize how much you are doing would be for you to go visit your parents for a week or two but it seems you don’t want to do that. Given that restriction I see no other option except for you to draw some mental ‘lakshman rekhas’ in your mind and every time he or in-laws step over it to register a protest. Do it immediately, do it calmly and firmly and look them directly in the eye when you do it. Do it every single time. Then and then alone they may start to realize how unreasonably they are behaving.
    There is a saying ‘only the squeaky wheel gets the grease’ so I suggest you should squeak loudly at every opportunity.
    Secondly if you are stretching yourself to do something extra then don’t do it silently. Protest. Point out how much of an effort it takes, negotiate, and make them help you. In short stop silently and quietly stepping up to do everything they put on you. Start opening your mouth, talking about how you are tired, or fed up at the way you are being treated.
     
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  2. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I don't want to sound negative, but no matter what steps you take, life is always a rollercoaster ride with a spouse having anger issues. Coz we have to accept this bitter truth that no matter how much you alienate yourself mentally from that person, he is there with you 24/7 physically. You are human too, you will be effected. So first accept this hard truth.

    Now definitely you can do few things which will won't make you going insane.

    Most important step draw a boundary as to where and when he can shout. Don't listen to all his stupidities. Never allow him to insult you.

    Externally you have to show him that you are least bothered about his temperaments. And this you have to practice in reality also.

    Never argue when he is shouting.

    When calm, do question him where he is wrong. Tell him if you mock and yell him unnecessarily, how will he react.

    Bottom line is that such folks lack empathy. For your mental health, just see him more like an irritating room mate. Try not escalating any issues.
     
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