Need help in making a decision..to work or be at home?

MrsPat,

Apologies for the delayed answers. Since i joined IL groups just couple of days ago.

I've read your's and lakshmi's thread too. But i would like to share few of my thougths on this.

1.Mee too worked in a MNC after the baby born i'm in YOUR situtaion, to continue the job or to Resign , withour anyone's suggesstions i've resinged and happily in the home as a home maker taking care of the child and now she is 1 1/2 yrs.

2.The procs and cons will differ from person to person.For the past few months i feel like i'm useless doing the routine Job like cleaning, feeding etc...Why bcoz you know now the baby is slightly grown up , now the time we are spending with the baby is less, rest of the time , i'm just worrying,frustrated that i lost my career.

3.We are brought up by our mothers , so you can believe your mom and you can request her to stay with you till the baby is 3 yrs. If she wants 3 months once she can go to her native , during that time you can avail say a week time leave to replace her.

4. Baby care taker- Nanny -I'm totally opposed with such a concept unless & untill we get a LOYAL maids. I don't think we get in chennai.

5. According to me Career and home should be equally treated. Make your lifestyle in such a way, keep the maid for cooking and topwork. Just ask your mom to play & feed the baby and you return at the earliest from the office atleast by 7, give some rest for your mom and you take care of the baby till the next day morning you start for the work.

6.Since your baby is premature , you can get the DR certificate that you should feed baby compulsory for 6 months with that you can discuss with your HR or Manager to approve leave for another 2/3 months.

7.After you resign, you will feel bad that you left your career bcoz of baby.You may think your potential earning are lost.Bcoz we are young educated womens can't sit ideally in home.

Days will pass soon and your baby will turn 1 after that you need'nt worry too much. But don't leave your career.

All the Best!!!

 

Hi MrsPat,

I have also suffered a lot in making the decison of quiting the job or not for a child.

I too had a premature boy in last July.

Initllay I have applied for 6 months of leave, as doctor suggested me to breastfeed him completely till he is 6 months old.

After rejoining, I have requested my manager to let me work from home, he allowed me to do so for half of the working hours - for two months.
My mother who is also works came to attend my boy, on leave, for those two months

After two months, I felt it too difficult to work completely from office as there was no one to take care of the kid at home. My mother has to join her office.
And I don't want to leave my child with some care taker - so had a very long and pretty good dicussion with my DH. He asked me to try if I can continue my job ( he knows well what the job is meant to me, it is not the money that matters, it is what I have acheived) and promised me that he will help me in any possible way.

I had a talk with my manager, and asked him to change my timings. Now I and my husband are working in alternate shifts. We both are equally sharing the kid's reponsibility. It is not easy to manage work, home, kid - I get hardly 6 hours of sleep a day, but if you are determined, you will be able to do so and I enjoy doing it.

Try to search for opportunities before you quit. If there is no open door, then you always have the chance to resign. But try for alternatives first.

All the best Dear:cheers

 

hi mrs pat
your post reminded me of my position seventeen years ago. when my son was born, both mom and mil were not in a position to take care of my son. he was too fussy and would not allow any female other than me touch him. he used to be very comfortable with any male be it auto driver or coolie, he did'nt mind, but ladies a strict no from him.(etven when he was three months old.) so no other option but to quit job. i applied for leave without pay and my office (Central govt. ) granted me that and during that time my husband was working in b'lore and my job in chennai and i didn't get trf. i could some how pull on 4 years on leave without salary and when my son started going to school, i joined duty. hope you will also scrap thro' this tough phase in life smoothly.
love
usha

 

Ladies...the good news is that you are not the only one facing this problem. I have been through this and ever since my son was born (Feb 2006), everyday, i have struggled with this question. Ok..so what did i do?

1. My parents were settled in another city and i stay with my mil. So, i did have the option of leaving my child with mil. But, mil being mil, i was always under her obligations for taking care of my child while i was at work "making merry". So, developed a thick skin and joined work when he was 5 months old. I work in an IT firm and i have irregular work hours. Being in a managerial position, the pressure to perform was enormous where women dont get any additional points and compete neck to neck with men.

2. Then mil decided to go to her daughter in US for 6 months. That made me evaluate different options. I could call my parents (but they have their own life and work) I decided against a care-giver at home. I would rather have my child go to a daycare where there are 10 people. Chances of misdeeds are lesser there. My son adjusted well

3. When mil came back, she wanted to take care of grandson although i wanted him to continue at the day care. Still, for peace at home, my son started staying back at home.

4. My son is now 4 years old. My mil still complains of the lack of help and support from me in household chores. I still continue to have the thick skin approach and things are ok by and large.

Quitting was not an option because i couldnt bear the thought of staying with my mil 24*7. And secondly, i feel i have earned this position and have worked hard for it. My parents have given their sweat and blood to see me successful. How can i let all of that go down the drain. I love my job and my identity.

One cannot get the best of everything. Its basically priorities in life. Do what u think is more important to you....