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Need for help - MIL is very strict, how to deal with her?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by saanvi, Apr 24, 2007.

  1. saanvi

    saanvi New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Can someone with experience of relationships please help me. My mother in law a nice person but she is strict. I am so scared of her that i cant eat, sleep or concentrate on my studies. Its just small things like if my husband is not hungry or he does not to eat she will make a issue out of it and it comes out on me. I have done everything in my power to impress her but she thinks she nearly perfect and nobody else is near. I am very stressed , i am thinking of starting taking antidepressants. Please somebody tell me how to deal with the situation.
     
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  2. dipen

    dipen New IL'ite

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    Re: urgent need for help

    how is ur relation with ur husband ? I mean if he backs u up in front of his mother then ur mother in law would really cool down on u ... She is coming down on u coz she is worried abt her son, so if she knows tht her son is happy with u, then she would call it peace !!
     
  3. saanvi

    saanvi New IL'ite

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    Re: urgent need for help

    Hi,

    Thanks for replying Dipen. My relationship with my husband is very good and she knows it. She thinks that whatever her does or does not do is because of me because basically i am very cunning !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  4. neva

    neva New IL'ite

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    Re: urgent need for help

    dear sanvi,
    does your mil stay with you? almost every mils on earth are this way. better stay away from them if possible. or if its not possible, try to be friends with her. u know what i mean? try to be like a daughter to her. take her side. show her that you really care for her. never back fire. your part should be clear. let your husband know that this is bothering you. may be he can get things cleared up.
    there's no ice or heart which wouldnt melt. all it takes is some warmth!
    isnt my quote interesting:-D
    you go girl. dont let trivial issues disturb you. concentrate on your studies. all other things can wait.
    love
    neva
     
  5. dipen

    dipen New IL'ite

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    Re: urgent need for help

    take her side !!
    thts diplomatic and it sure works ..
    Every human being wanna assume tht they r the centre of universe ...
    if u make her feel tht for sometime .. she is gonna take ur side ...
    i know its hard to fake and it should come within .. but if its abt ur life then u better do it !! life is too short to be dealing with such problems

    all the best
     
  6. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: urgent need for help

    Hi,
    I think you just have anxity problem.
    Please take care of yourself.
    DOn't get into anti-depressent medication and all, it is just going to spoil your health more. Try to ignore her. She is playing a mind game, if you start ignoring her, then she might reduce it aswell.
    Very begining of the marriage all these problems are common, so don't take it seriously. IF she blames you, just ingore it and make sure your relationship with your husband is good.
    Please take care of yourself first. Try to divert your mind, because of this useless 'J' games from MIL, we will spoil of life, time and health.

    Good luck,
    Punitha
     
  7. saanvi

    saanvi New IL'ite

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    Re: urgent need for help

    Hi All,

    Thanks for your encouraging words. But the thing is I am not so emotionally strong and have an anxiety problem. I want to know how you guys deal with it ! I want to ignore everything but still cant get out of it !
     
  8. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: urgent need for help

    Hello Saanvi,
    Keep visiting this website, you will get lots of support, strenght and confidence.
    Read the Topic 'Golden rules for womens', try to follow each and every rule.

    Watch good movies, read some good books about leadership, personality development, positive thinking etc.

    Good luck,
    Punitha
     
  9. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: urgent need for help

    Hey,

    I have been reading this marriage section for couple of times now. I dont have any personal problem. But I thought my perspective may help some agonised gals here.
    Firstly, this issues at hand..
    1.You are giving way much mportance to ur MIL. she 's as important as you will make her. Just try to ignore number of interactions with her.
    2.Never Ever directly reply anything back.. it hurts ego.. and relationships are all about ego.
    3.you are lucky , you have good rapport with hubby..just hang on there. and whenever ur MIL tries to tell u, how you have made her son behave wrong or so.. Just listen..and try to divert the topic to her praise.. Yes ..she needs praise here. Thats the whole issue..
    After marriage , mothers feel their son is taken away by
    some shrewd gal , who is all set to grab their money and property and what not.. You can never answer those inhibitions by words.. they can only heal by time..So give it some time..
    And be wise.

    Love,
    ria
     
  10. mthareja

    mthareja New IL'ite

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    Re: urgent need for help

    Dear Saanvi,

    I'm going through the same situation but the only problem is my saasuji never speaks to me & always move like an anger pot. For days she don't speak to me or even call my name, she has the whole command in the kitchen and i'm not allowed to do anything.

    Husbands can not help you but it is you who have to help yourself. Never reply, donot cry, donot complain (even not to your husband), keep indulge in yourself. If you are working make a proper schedule for yourself try to do as much householdwork as you can, but according to your saasuji's wisehes. Ask her everytime as if you need her guidance in every sphere of life and try to ask when your father-in-law or your husband is listening. Be polite as if you donot mind her behaviour. Try to create or do something for your house. Whenever she is getting ready tell her that she is looking good or the colour suits her or about her hairstyle; try to offer her your accesories or sarees. Ask her about her childhood days and her intial marriage days.

    Be strong from inside , it is not possible for her to eat you up .Is she a regular watcher of those saas-bahu serials,well they can teach you something also..............just kidding.

    I hope your saasuji is not as hard rockor hard nut to crack and if these tactics help please let me know. But remember you are a lady and she too. Do not be afraid of her & never think of antidepressants, as they are of no use-trust me.

    Good luck & love
    Meenu
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2007

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