need direction if i am right or wrong

Her blessing for what? Are you a cruise ship that needs to be christened? Please step the drama of seeking blessings like this is some Hindi film. I think you already have enough drama between you and sil without going into blessing-seeking-mode.

What's done is done. Just continue being cordial and pleasent with her. It's not like you two are siamese twins and she is stuck to you for life. She is a relative who happens to live next door, that is all. So you should just be decent and civil with each other. Hopefully she will cool down in time, and you both can mend your relationship. Good luck.

 

Hi

You need not be so humble to your sil especially if she is treating you this way. Just have your own self respect. And why do you need her blessings. I think God and your parents are enough to bless you. Dont make her a Goddess. Maybe she in the mode of ttc so taking all her frustrations towards you. You have tried your best to be good to her but now just leave her alone. Dont bother her.

 

You both sound like really classless goons.... one throwing phone, other talking about breaking teeth. Jeez. Try to get yourself under control and relax before thinking what to do next.

 

You should know whether you were right in what you said? doesnt it sound really NASTY when you and your SIL abuse each other and the whole building gathers to see the TAmaashaa?? Cant you wait till your SON comes home and give him that gyaan of yours (i.enot visiting your SILs house)

Remember when you take things too seriously, and want to WIN, things would get really UGLY. So what If you and your SIL cant stand each other but still she is nice to your kids. Is that sooo bad?? why someone has to RESPECT you inspite of you being so rude to them (did you read how many times you say YOU WANT RESPECT and You earn etc..etc) Sometimes I wonder this attitude of yours, is it because you have kids and she doesnt?? Or is it because you have INSECURITY that your kids would get close to her?? Can you really beleive that your own kids would avoid you and get close to your SIL??? can a kid forget his/her mom??? Ask yourself these questions.Also remember that your kids are observing your behaviour. Who knows might be your son/daughter might behave the same way with you down the line as they are seeing that behaviour in you towards your own relatives. So if you do things infront of kids, you are like that example for them..that medium of learning. So did you teach the right thing to the kid?? what good are you doing to the kids understanding abilities here??by cheaply fighting and yelling at your own family member.

If you had kept quiet and had left that place with your son, your son would have understood that your SIL was bad at shouting at you, rather you fighting and shouting back gave him this learning that we can fight and yell at our own family.

Really I said this in my initial post and I will say it again, Yes as of now your husband loves you and supports you. But if the same issues continue again, am sure in no time you would loose your husbands support also. If someone abuses you, you tell them to STOP and exit from that place, what RESPECTdid you earn by abusing her back??

I guess you and your SIL are taking things to extremes and spoiling your own peace. Why are you blaming her? If someone could affect your life soo much that shows that you are giving them POWER to control your life.

Moreover, why are you controlling the kids not to visit your SIL?? she too has the right to see and talk to her brothers kids isnt it?? If you both dont gel well, its your problem, why are you spoiling the innocent mind of kids and using kids as pawns to get at each other. Cant you be the bigger person and let go of all this? Am sure if you stop pushing kids around and making them as the REASON to fight, you would find lot of peace and also you would be RESPECTED.

 

My opinion- fight between elders should never get translated to kids and mother enforcing isolation to X, Y just to remain on TOP.

A child should be allowed to create their own opinion... once again I shall mention CLOSE KNIT means suffocation for relationships and esp DIL and a final ouster of atleast one relation in the family.. and this depends on who's the stronger of all.

Since you have a son and will get a DIL, instead of thinking about CLOSE KNIT think about an OPEN family.. who can judge and take decisions based on who's right and simply not stick to people even when wrong just because of CLOSE KNITTING.

In a longer run, OPEN families come together in times of need and CLOSE KNITS one get disintegreated... choice is yours.

 

Dear friend in the entire circus you are forgetting that she is your kids aunt and they are related. One cannot ignore this and all of you are staying in the same building.
As long as kids are happy let them visit.
They must be so confused poor things, they are getting gifts, attention and maybe love too. If she is your DHs sis then chill .
Your DH will not like this mess, what if he told kids not to visit your sis then how would you like it ? Fine you do not like her but you cannot stop your kids without a valid reason.
Seeking her blessings seems hypocritical.
Are you scared that she may do something to kids because she is childless ?
Please do not use kids as pawns in your power struggle.
They must be so embarrassed by your and aunts behaviour.

 

I think u r overreacting...understood ur sil does not treat u well and does not talk to you...so you feel why should she talk to your kids since she has no regard for you!

But remember your children are your dh's kids as well...she is their aunt and you should be happy that she seems to have a genuine fondness for them. Ignore the fact that she does not treat you well...my sil also does not talk nicely to me even though she is unmarried...but my son is fond of her nd goes to her happily...i also used to get irritated but then i realized that i will be harming my son rather than protecting him if i stop him from goin to her...anyhow he always comes back to his parents! My bhua(father's sis) also never behaved nicely with my mom...but i don't remember my mom ever stopping me from meeting her or even criticizing her in front of me...infact i used to like her as a kid...2day i have no regard for my bhua!

so just relax and take life easy! Try out some relaxing hobby wen ur kids r with their aunt...it is good that u will get some time for yourself!

 

I would like to add, that in my opinion, the correct way to have handled this situation if you didn't like your kid visiting your sil for whatever reason, would have been to wait for your kid to get home and then tell him that in the future, you do not want him hanging out at her house again. It was not like he was in immediate danger by sitting in your sil's house. You didn't HAVE to go over there. All this could have been avoided had you used common sense.

In the future, I think you should try to be more aware of the examples you are setting for your kids. Do you want your kids growing up to solve problems by shouting of threatening violence? Think what type of role model you are being.

 

Your 'Close Knitting' should be done between you and your children.. Not by threatening others who want to speak to them..

Poor kids! They would be so confused.. They would either not like their mother acting like that or they might grow up to be people who want to monopolize all the attention of their loved ones.. (Which is not at all healthy or just!)