Need Advive - about SIL

coupon4divya · Jun 16, 2010

DDC ,

I haven't discussedthis with my DH as I know what the outcome would be......
He gets very uncomfortable when I start anything -ve abt his family ....so most of the times it gets easier to me to talk to them rather than to him ....

Thankyou very much for all your responses .....

I started asking my co-sis here and there to help ..... she comes and does that ...I need to repeat the same thing ...........can't she understand after 2 or 3 weeks that am expecting help from her ..........
Am slowly starting to stop the conversations with her so she would get the hint .....

coupon4divya · Jun 25, 2010

Thankyou very much all of you ....you suggestions did work at least to an extent that she left to her house this weekend ...she was here for 4 weeks.......
even if we get privacy over the weekend it's good .

I was just quiet just talk to her when needednotmuch chatting .....

I kind of felt thay are completely taking advantage of us and I want themto realise that in a good way ....

When she toldshe would be going home this weekend a part of felt guilty .....( If was nice to her as before she would never go for next 3 months) .....

I did observe my BIL behaviour also did change I guess based on her feedback ..........

Just wanted to vent out and update you guys ....

Priya16 · Jun 26, 2010

Do they call you before stopping by week end.
If they call you just tell that you have some work and going outside or don't make big food plans.Just give them simple upma or bread something like that.

When I was newly married,I used to make big big meal plans for the people who used to dropped by over the week end.People took advantage of it and they started coming to home week ends.Anyhow it took me a while to figure it out.
Now unless I invite them,I don't make big meal plans if they just drop by.Sometime I leave it to my husband to take care of them and I go out with my kids.If your husband is not supportive of it then just take the kids and go out if they don't inform you before.
If they come usually for lunch saturday then stop doing nice food at home for saturday lunch.Plan with your husband to go out.
If your husband wanted invite them for lunch it's up to him and he can pay there bill and he will realise soon.As long as you taking burden and doing things no one will relaise.

coupon4divya · Jul 7, 2010

Gals

I was just staying quiet and that gave my cosis a very bad message .........

Everyhelp I did for them was forgotten ...they took me being quiet very badly and was planning to comute from her house on regular basis..........

I guess am kind of happy but felt little hurtful when I initially got to know this ...........

Please tell me something to make me feel better ......

Raveena · Jul 7, 2010

Hi,

I have read this thread completely.. You are too good.. Don feel bad about wat they think about you. You did what you could and they were trying to take advantage of the situation. These kind of people will never realise moreover they feel they have the right to enjoy the benefits. So don worry too much. Relax and have fun with your family.

maya69 · Jul 7, 2010

I don't think you did anything bad.

You needed help...and asked for it. If she has been living with you on and off for so long then she should help you. Adults are supposed to do that. I expect my own teenage ds to help for that matter and I ask or he wont do.

You were feeling moody (hormones, kids....no need for her to know why) and was quiet. You didnt ask her to leave.

People need to grow up and start living their life so you can start living yours instead of being taken advantage of.

My sweet BIL always calls us over to spend time especially on friday nights. Last few yrs I accept but always tell cos-sis that we will come after dinner only. No guilt feeling.

You can always call them over for dinner some time soon to break the ice and say why have you forgotten me!

Cheer up!

nothing2looz · Jul 7, 2010

Coupon4Divya....

great ..it worked... maybe we should call u the Silent Killer...

no offence meant... u got what u wanted... and i think u deserve some wholehearted patting on the back.... :thumbsup ..

Santy

tinku · Jul 7, 2010

Well done. That's how you have to be.

Else selfish people will always take you for granted.

There is no need to feel guilty in any way. Your co-sister has to mature a lot.