need advise

psych · Jun 14, 2010

I need an advise on tackling an issue. DH and I have been married for 6 yrs and have a 2 year old boy. The problem is his family. Every weekend DH calls them MIL keeps complaining of problems. First it was money - that his DH's father was spending all his money on self proclaimed politics. So we send them money every month. They have a daughter whos divorced twice with her daughter and they are living together. The daughter doesnt want to work either. seems like money is not stopping her mother from complaining every weekend. She now says that DH's father come home drunk and starts shoutung. I do know that his father has a drinking problem which they tell me started recently. if its not her husband then she whines that her granddaughter does not have a good life. We brught DHs father to visit us to see our son. it didnt go good as he was always complaining about the food, how its not served right, that we didnt allow him to drive and etc etc. One day he drank alcohol and started shouting at me. That stopped his alcohol drinking in my house! but every weekend its one issue or the other. Every weekend i keep guessing what next will come up and what next i have to put up with. I have dbtes and BP and cant keep worrying about this. any idea how to just not bother about all these?

asuitablegirl · Jun 14, 2010

Let your husband handle their whining and complaining. Could be your mil is doing all this complaining to get it off her chest. It's probably stressful for her to live in such a disfunctional family. If your sil is lazy and doesn't want to get a job, that's her problem. Don't make it yours by worrying what she is doing. If she wants money, your husband should tell her to get a job. As for money to his parents, if they are in dire need of help to survive, you both need to discuss how much is ok to send. But if the money is just going to his father's drinking habit or political hobby, it should stop. Nobody has money to burn these days, so if fil wants to drink it all away, let him do so on his dime.

Let all this stuff go in one ear out the other. As long as they are not pestering you with all this info or interupting your life, who cares?

psych · Jun 14, 2010

I dont know what happens to the money we send. DH says his mother saves all the money and says his father is taking care of the household expenses. It doesnt make sense. if they dont need the money then why is DH sending it? We had a big fight one day when he started sending the money. it was not a huge amount (200 everymonth) but i didnt like the idea that if they dont need money then why are u sneding them? I cant get a clear picture of why he sends her money - maybe to get her off his back - I am worried about DH finally dumping all these on me bring all of them here and stay here so he will stay out of politics and drinking. That is what i want to avoid! I personally dont think its money problem - they dont know whats imp in life and how to spend wisely

asuitablegirl · Jun 14, 2010

Psych,

If you are afraid of them coming to your house to live, you might want to have a talk with your husband about where he see's his parents living 5 years from now, 10 years, etc. Let him know that you are afraid he might have them land up at your house, and you don't like the idea. It might end in him getting mad for you bringing it up, but I feel it's better to talk things over BEFORE a decision has to be made. At least that way he knows how you feel and will think twice before making any offers to them without first talking it over with you. If you aren't able to save any money or not able to pay the bills comfortably, have another talk with your husband about the money he is sending them. It all depends on how you are living and your financial situation.

psych · Jun 14, 2010

i am ok with that amount. i work as well so its not pinching into the bills. but it does pose a savings problem. he doesnt have any savings. so if his parents gets sick then it will become an issue to him. i am afraid to talk to DH abt me not wanting them to live with me. I know he knows that i dont like them to live with me. but the way he goes and promises his mother that he will take care of his nieces education once shes passes 10th grade- it makes me nervous. if i talk to him about it then he stops telling me anything. all these issues he doesnt tell me directly. i hear it only if i am around when hes talking to his mom. i dont know of what other issues there are and what their plans are. their decesions dont include me (i dont want to be either) but if its gonna affect our lives then i will need to interfere seems like someone promised to bring the sister here on a green card - some third person who is born here but is not even a close relative. so now they are all harping on it. i dont kno if its possible even