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Need advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by srmcanada, May 17, 2010.

  1. srmcanada

    srmcanada New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,


    I have been a frequent visitor of this web site. I have been getting suggestions too. I have some problems now with my husband. I have been married for 4 years and I have 3 yr old boy. I am a post graduate and he is a diploma holder. And mine is a well educated family with doctors and lawyers while my husbands is not. He had an ex girl friend and they are still in contact. Thing is she is India and we r abroad. But they talk all loving stuffs. I once had a chance to see their chat messages which were really bad like "I love u", "U break my heart" etc. When I asked it about that to him he said its common in a foreign country. Also he said what r we going going to do as we r son far. And he didn't except his fault. I spoke to his mother and she said please adjust and she advised him it seems. There cam the problem. He started fighting that I spoiled his name to his mother. Also before he tried to mis behave with one of my friend saying he likes her. When I asked he said as he was drunk he behaved like that. He talks all nonsenses to me and he says he needs sex all days which I cannot. He scolds me for that too. He then says may be u get ur comfortable from someone else so only u r not accepting with me. He calls me prostitute and he suspects me all the time. He says he doesn't mean it and those words just come when he gets anger. I am tired now. I don`t know what to do now. I even thought of splitting. But I don`t know whats stopping me from that. I have 5 sister in laws all married but 1 is a widow which has been always a problem. She thinks I will take her brother away from her. She just insults me like anything. Once when her child said that I will scold them if they don`t behave good the lady replied that ur uncle wont be quiet he will just catch her hair and throw her out of the house. I felt very bad. I dont know whether he feels unsecured. Now I am in a stage that am I to stay here or not. Please advice.
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow.Do you work?If I were you,really I wouldn't stay in that marraige.

    It's not just girl friend problem,I think he is freak out guy and wanted to freak out even after the marraige.

    If you can,seperate from him temporaly and see how things will move.Is that women married?If so I would send her husband an email.It's really hard to hear these things.

    If that women is not married,may be she would thinking she can get back to her lover and that's why she is much interested with your husband.

    Your husband-I don't know what he had in mind.Since that women is available, he wanted to take chances whatever the way he can and play fool around.

    First try to break off the connection between two of them and I can't take the words you mentioned from any one.It's upto you how to deal with your self esteem.How could a person talk like that to a wife?

    I feel,he is able to do all these things because you were not acting up and not taking any decisions .That's why he was playing all these games.take some actions and stand up,either he have to give up and seperate from you.Then you will come to know his real intentions and true colors.

    There are some crazy people in this world.I know one guy,who used to work with me and his friend had one girl friend and they used to talk hours together and we are all felt they will get married.But that guy rejected that women(don't know the reason) and both get married to different people.But after the marriage too,that guy wanted to talk to that women hours.This is all crazy people and crazy thinking.May be they feel that they are in some fantasy world and wanted to done some stuff differently which everyone does.may be you need to find what his real motto or may be his real personality.I know some men who wanted to freak out even after the marriages.May be he is one of them and you need to figure it out what you want really.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2010
  3. srmcanada

    srmcanada New IL'ite

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    Thank u for the comment. The lady is married. And she has a family too. As u said because of me not reacting these days he is doing too much. And I work as a Software programmer.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2010
  4. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    SRM,
    Speak up. Stand up for yourself. He in touch with his Ex - not acceptable.
    He cannot just flirt with someone when he has supposedly been committed to you.

    He commenting 'that way' about your friend - not acceptable regardless of his 'sober-or-not' state of mind.

    He calling you derogatory names - not acceptable whether he means it or not. Period. Be firm when it comes to self-respect.

    It is all a big disrepect to you as a wife AND as a woman.

    Tell him you will take no-nonsense with him being in touch with that woman. Old flames are called that for a reason. At the same time, try to get back the lost emotional connection and improve your intimacy on all levels.

    Making a long face or Putting up a fierce fight or Pushing him away when he comes near you will only worsen the relation. Tell what you mean as a matter of fact without crying. Leave it at that. Help him to get comfortable with you while you help yourself to get comfortable with him.

    Work on your marriage if only you think he is not incorrigible. Else it will be simply 'efforts down the drain'. Only you will know his personality. You can bring about a good change if only the man has some idea of morality. Ask yourself and decide your next course of action.

    Good Luck.
     

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