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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ds0612, Oct 9, 2014.

  1. ds0612

    ds0612 Bronze IL'ite

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    My married life was going through a rocky phase so I discussed it with my parents and told them everything. Few times I supported my husband too and told them the reasons and justifications for some decisions which we took. My parents judged on that and formed an opinion about their SIL. My husband doesn't talk to them..they never call him. Their communication is literally zero.

    Now recently we had an fight, I made a mistake of calling my parents in front of my hubby and told them what all happened. Later my dad sent me a long email with lot of questions. I replied saying that I don't wish to talk about it...I will try to solve it on my own. Please don't discuss. Instead of stopping, my dad kept on writing emails after emails discussing my life..asking questions about my husband and inlaws and all. As a concerned father I understand he has questions but he could have talked to his son in law and sorted it out.

    Now, my husband read all the emails. Apparently I forgot to logout of my email address and he read all. He is naturally very angry and disturbed at me. He asks me why I told my parents everything. I answered saying that I called them at my weakest point as I wanted to talk to someone. I made a mistake of telling my parents.

    He is very angry at me. He called his parents last night and blasted them too. My dad wrote some things about my FIL and MIL.

    I have been married for 8 yrs and have two kids. He broke my trust in the initial years and we had a very rocky first year of married life. I still went on and tried to adjust with my extended family. Everytime we fight he asks me get out...he gets aggressive and It scares me. Its because of that fear I called my parents.

    Is there any damage control I can do? I don't want to talk to my parents or in laws.
    I am sorry that I discussed my married life with my parents. I agree I shouldn't have done that. How do I make up to him. What should I do. I hope I will get good advice here.

    ds0612
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    If your husband loses control and tells you to get out...then you did nothing wrong.By behaving in this manner...he loses the right of secrecy between a couple.Your parents are your support base.They needed to know. Chill. Tell him he says such hurtful things that you have no choice but to vent to parents.
     
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  3. ds0612

    ds0612 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you!

     
  4. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Why do you feel sorry for discussing your issues with parents especially when they really care for you? Discussing is OK but you should take the decision being neutral..You need somebody to talk to right when you are depressed...So chill..dont feel guilty..keeping parents updated would make them prepare their minds for unforeseen situations and help you when needed

    But calling them in the midst of a fight with DH is a big NO-NO..Better is to talk to them in full privacy..Avoid mailing or delete confidential mails..

    Act normal...avoid fights..spend more time with children..Talk to him in a v calm tone and explain your situation..Tell him that you shared details due to extreme stress & that you would not blindly follow anyone including parents..Dont be too much apologetic..Hope things get back to normal for you..Take care..
     
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  5. Alildream

    Alildream Gold IL'ite

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    Hey there is nothing wrong in confiding in your parents, IMO...you are just venting and asking for their advice. It also depends on how your parents are...are they emotional persons who will get all worked up and upset after you talk to them and do something rash like call your pil or dh and abuse them? If they are not like that, by all means, talk to them about your problems....see, sometimes a third persons point of view can bring some clarity to your situation...but if they are the kinds who get all hyper and emotional and end up creating more problems, then I would advice you to not involve them!
    [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif]
    [/FONT]as far as your husband is concerned, u need to sit with him and talk to him. Keep emotions out of your voice...don't get angry or upset...in a calm voice, tell him what your problems are. You say he us aggressive and he scares u sometimes...tell him that in a non critical, as-a-matter-of-fact way...tell him that you need to feel secure if he wants an open line of communication. You want to have a conversation sans the drama...you confide in your parents because u think of them as a safety net, not for any other reason.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Tell your husband the above. Tell it without blaming him or holding him responsible for your fear. If needed, portray it slightly as your weakness that you get scared and need to talk to someone at that lowest point.

    Once he gets that, then:
    ask him who would he prefer you call instead of your parents?

    Portraying it slightly as your weakness is so that the focus remains on 'who you should call' instead of him blaming you for your fear. Agree with him that your parents are not the best choice for such calls.
     
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  7. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    There is nothing wrong in what you did. You needed support, someone to lean on and you chose your parents coz the person who was supposed to be that support chose not to.
    Dont be sorry... Dont try too hard to apologize. Just tell him that you needed support and hence you went to your parents. Leave it at that. Behave normal and carry on with your daily activities.
     
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  8. ds0612

    ds0612 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you all my dear ladies...thanks a billion for the much needed support. I am right now very emotional and every word you have written matters to me a lot. Thanks again.
     
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  9. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    try not getting into fights.. better to prevent than look for cure...

    just aologize to ur husband and let him know u will not do this again.. but dont repeat it..

    just let him have his calm time and leave him for a couple of days.. once he cools down plan and spend some time in out door activities .. that will help him and u forget the issue and move on..
     
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  10. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Nothing wrong in what you did...
    Just remember one thing..that your parents will become sad listening to all these issues. Their health may be at stake .. (normal)Issues with husband will stay today and will go away tomorrow...but parents will be worried forever.
    We have this wonderful forum here..so pour your heart out..we are here for your emotional support.
     
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