Need Advice!!

hai swan,

I totally saw my experiences in your mail. The difference is i have two daughters and i live in a joint family. My MIL and FIL are with me. They are taking care of my chikldren ahen I go to office, but i am paying for it, not money my happiness

 

Hey Swan,

Its been 9 years! It must be tiring for you, I understand. Really appreaciate you for being a full time working mom doing all the household work all by yourself. Kudus to all such Women.

You are ofcourse not exaggerating :exactly:.. You do not get irritated or pick up a fight on everything, not even because he is not helping you. You get worked up only when he comments badly on what you do.. thats not abnormal at all. I have not done as much work as you do, but with what ever I do, If my DH would tease me this way, I am sure I would pick up a big fightRant. I would say 'If you cant give a helping hand, then you rather keep yourself out of business. You have no right to comment.' (on the lighter note:shhh.

I have seen many DH not helping their wives just because they think Men are not meant to do household, they are brought up that way. Not offending your IL family. Dont mistake me. There are some mothers who keep mentioning to their wonderful sons that they are 'MEN' and not meant to do such chores at home. My Friend's MIL created a big Hue and Cry when the DIL asked her DH to switch on the Fan (he was standing right next to the switches) while DIL was sitting down holding her new born babymg:.

So maybe its the way they are brought up. Dont worry about it, it is easier to mould your DH with some tricks.


As Jaya said, please be obliged and tell him to make coffee for himself Harhar. I dont mean to say be rude to him. But start with small small work for him. Like she said, drying up his wet towels.

My 2 cents -
- when he is back home and has taken few mins of rest, fix your self up with some work like pile of cloth around you (where you cant get up) or your hands wet washing something in Kitchen just tell him "can you please please get me ....? (in an urgent tone)" and if he does (good for him), dont show any expression in face, just smile and say thanks and continue your work. Also when he is about to leave the place you can casually talk about something that he would be interested in (reserve something that interests him like his parents / someone -whom he likes - called to say this and that). He might continue to stand there talking to you. :thumbsup

- After he comes back from work, dont help your DD in her school stuff (only if you think he can handle helping her), tell her that you will join her in few mins and meanwhile ask her to get help from her dad. If he helps actively, then keep away from them for a while. After few mins, join your daughter (your DH may hand over immidiately). Keep repeating this now and then for few days (not every day), then slowly he will start missing this time with his DD. He might even think he does a better job of teaching her than you do (so be it!), he might willingly do it. :banana

This is just one simple way to start your efforts. You can try this and tell us. If he cooperates, then other plans will work wonderfully :clap

In my case, Sometimes when he doesnt help me, this works for me as my DH ends up helping me in my chores when I drag him into an interesting / important conversation :cheers.

Let us know how this works out.

 

Sorry... I saw only the first page of your thread.. So many ladies have given wonderful suggestions! Hope mine was not too late!

 

OOOPPPPS... just realised it is a 'quite' old thread and I am sure Swan's situation is a lot better now that it is nearly 2 yrs. Sorry for posting so so late!bonkbonk