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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by neerajasrao, Sep 27, 2007.

  1. neerajasrao

    neerajasrao New IL'ite

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    <HR style="COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=1>
    HI EVERY ONE,
    I and my husband married for eight years,Ihave a son .MY husband was good until he got a friend.
    Now my husband doesn't need me atall,his friend is everything for him .He shares everything with his friend such as his bank accounts, office gossips etc.
    eating food in the same plateand his friend is not married,but stays with us in same house.
    since one and half years me and my havebeen separated . Byall means ,mentally ,physicallyand emotinally but staying in under one roof, even my son lost his father affection i have become both mother and father for my son.My son goes to special school for speech in U.S.right now we r in U.S.I AM TOTALLY LONELY HERE.
    My husband is very adamant,arrogant he doesnot listen to me i tried to advice him married life is different friendship is different.My parents my in- laws everybody tried to advice him but he never listened and will never.I am forced to stay here because of my son who needs special school for speech and he is improving and this facility is not there in india.
    and a week ago i could see in my husband cell an SMS sent by my husband to his friend "i cannot live without u".
    this is really shocked me.
    please advice me what should i do ,should i go to india ?
    or should i suffer with him in US alone.
    regards
    neerajasrao
     
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  2. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    dear neeraja,
    you have not mentioned whether this friend is a man or a woman, either way please make a move, because the life that you hve with your son is more important any more..whatever may be the consequence of this friendship it is not healthy though. being in US even gay relation is acceptable and i dont think you have mind set to put up with that...so take the help of your people and move..dont break down and spoil your son's future...sunkan
     
  3. balamotwani

    balamotwani Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Neeraja,

    Sunkan is right. Do not worry about anything except your son. Take care of your son. Iam sure there will be some special schools in India where your son can get placement. Just check it out thru your parents or inlaws or friends. Try to make friends closeby, thru the school or nieghbours. You really need one.

    Is your hubby's friend he/she?
    How did you allow this from the first?
    Cant you talk to his friend and make he/she understand atleast for your kids sake?

    Dont lose hope. Have Faith in God. He will surely show you the way.
     
  4. JayaJ

    JayaJ Senior IL'ite

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    hello,

    I am assuming this friend of ur husband's is a male? Then, the next question i wud like to ask is, is your husband gay? i am sorry to be so blunt.

    looks like you need to confront your husband abt this. Once its clear, then, u can decide how to move forward. Since you feel that there are no special facilitaties for your son in India, then, by all means, work out some arrangement by which your husband will provide for both u and ur son financially but mentally you need to prepare urself - that its just u and ur son.

    take care
     
  5. neerajasrao

    neerajasrao New IL'ite

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    hi ,
    Thank you for replying my mail.
    well, my husband friend is male.i dont think they are gays.
    I tried to speak to them many a times but i dont get any reply ,they give false assurance saying things will be alright but its all the same since one half years.
    if i ask them any thing either they fight or else my husband finds a reason to fight with me or else gets angry and hits me iam totally helpless. Infact they are just fooling me .
    Yes iam looking for schools in india but i could not find schools which suits my son's needs.
    The community where i am leaving is a different community with no india at all .i feel i am totally lost.

    neeraja
     
  6. vandanaoza

    vandanaoza New IL'ite

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    Hi Neeraja,
    My name is Vandana I just joined the ladies forum and read your story. I really think there is something going on between your husband and his friend. They will not admit if something is going on. Just think about it who will write a male message saying that he can't live without him. This is the sign. I haven't seen any family man ignore his own family and give whole time to his friend. Neeraja accept the reality. People who are doing wrong will never admit that they are doing wrong so don't depend on them. First of all are u independent. Can you support yourself and your son if get out of the house? Second, you don't need to go to India just because this guy has decided to choose a male upon his family. Third You are in USA there are many ways to get help and surviive in this country without your husband's help. I would really encourage you to take a legal advice. Trust me you will be amazed how much rights you and you son have. If living here is beneficial for your son then don't go to India i may be able to help you to find some organization who will help you to stay in USA. Your husband has to support you and your son it doesn't matter if you live with him or not. May be moving out of house with your son will hit his foolishness and if not then you know the answer. The world is so big and you will find much better life then you are living in right now. Trust me I went through situations may be little worst then yours but i am much happier now by taking right steps for me and my daughter. Please reply and let me help you.

    Personal question do you really love him?

    Thanks,
    Vandana
     
  7. yenetishashi

    yenetishashi Senior IL'ite

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    hi neeraja ,
    i feel what vandana said is absolutly true ,u can think well on her advise and follow her .be positive always and u can live happily,there is long life ahead.
    bye, shashi.
     
  8. priyauc

    priyauc Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Neerja,
    Firstl i want to know how come you allowed your husbands friend to live with you for so long. What made your husband get so lured to him, that he is vary of the existence of both you and your child?? Do not just leave your marriage and walk out. Its no fault of yours.Try and find a way of getting the friend out of your house instead. Why must you give up everthing.Stop doing things for your husband and his friend , like cooking laundry etc etc.Ask his friend to pay for the apartment while he is living with you`ll as well as share the cost of living. Out a strong foot down, and make their lives miserable instead of spoiling yours. If your husband is beating you up call the cops, he will be in trouble and not you. Dont be a coward and run away and leave them both to live a funfilled life and think you left them easily.All the best . Keep us posted.
     
  9. priyauc

    priyauc Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Neerja,
    First of all i want to know why you have allowed your husbands friend to live with you all for so long?? What lured your husband to him.Does he pay his share of living with you`ll and share the apartment cost as well. If no ask him to do so or else ask him to leave. Dont cook or do their laundry. Why do you want to leave them and be destitute, for no fault of urs. Make their life miserable. Find ways and means of irritating them so that the friendship breaks or at least he leaves the house. It is your house . Dont give up easily.If your husband beats you call the cops. Make them realise that you have backing of the legal system. If your husband still wants to live with his friend ask him to leave the house. Be mentally strong. Your marriage is not made of air , which can just break. If you leave and go elsewhere they will feel that they have succeeded is chasing you away. Why should you go , make their lives miserable day in and out.If they want let them go. See the changes then, All the best. Women are more capable and stronger than they think.
     
  10. priyauc

    priyauc Bronze IL'ite

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    Rewrote it as the page was not displayed and thought it didnt get saved...
     

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