Need advice on resolving an issue

Hi dear IndusLadies, I am here to ask for your advice again. This time it is about how to generally discuss and resolve an issue with an uncaring and egoistic husband. I don't want to fight or cry, just want him to listen and understand my feelings.

The problem here is that he does not care if I am upset about something. I was feeling bad about us not going anywhere during the long weekend. He does not plan anything and dismissed all my suggestions. We just spent the whole weekend at home. So I was quietly lying down in the bedroom last night, did not feel hungry and skipped dinner. Let me clarify that this was not a fight, I did not even tell him I was feeling bad because of this. We did not argue or anything. He just happily kept on watching TV, browsing, eating what I had cooked in the morning and generally ignored me.

Before sleeping (he came in at 12), he irritatedly asked what was the matter (after ignoring me for 6 hours). At that time, I was just too hurt that he is least bothered about me being sad so I did not say anything. Just closed my eyes. He went to sleep.

This morning, again he started ignoring me and avoiding me. Making me feel like it is wrong to feel upset about ANYTHING. He went to work without saying a word. I am sure he will come home late after eating out and again happily ignore me. Unless I just forget everything and beg his forgiveness for daring to act sad for one day.

My question is: is there any way I can nicely point out to him that it would feel good if he cared about my feelings, to ask me what is wrong, and to take some effort into fixing it? I am very scared that if I said why I was feeling bad, he will immediately blow up and say I am blaming him and that he is not at fault. It will make the situation worse.

From your experience, please advice me how to behave now. I want him to care like other husbands do, console me when I am feeling upset, do something to make me happy. How to act so that he will do all these things?

 

I am feeling so sad right now. Is it impossible to make such a person change? Why won't he ever feel like making me happy? I do everything for him every day, smile, chat, admire, cook, love him so much. Yet, when I am upset or sad, he cannot offer even one comforting word, but will make it worse by ignoring me and being spiteful - coming late, eating outside etc. What mistake did I commit? Please help me.

 

Thanks Shantana. I was hoping he would show his love/affection by noticing that I had not eaten and asking what the matter was. Maybe I was wrong in expecting it. I will take your advice for the next time onwards.
Why is he making it worse by behaving like this? Basically I feel that if I am not happy or chirpy all the time, I don't deserve his attention. He is just coolly avoiding me and trying to hurt me by coming late and not talking to me. Are all husbands like this? Don't they try to console and comfort an upset wife? Don't they want to see her happy?

 

Dear me4raj, you have given very good advice. It would solve the problem that I was feeling bad about (not going outside), but my bigger problem is that he simply does not care that I am hurt and instead goes on hurting me more. He acts like I committed some big mistake by being hurt, so it is is duty to punish me for that. I am crying because of his uncaring and spiteful attitude. How to fix that? How to make him care for me and comfort me, just show some love?

 

Hi me4raj, you are right. I cannot force him to do anything. I have tried telling him many times that it is important for me that he tries to stop fights, apologize sometimes or just comfort me when I am hurt. I have told him this when we are good with each other, not fighting. He says ok ok and when the time comes, just forgets it all and acts like it is all my fault. I have said that it will make me very happy if he can show some small gesture when I am unhappy. But looks like he just doesn't care. So this is an ongoing thing, not something that will be solved if I explain calmly.

 

At least he asked you for 5 years. My husband has never asked me (we are married for just above 2 years now). Even now, as I predicted, he is punishing me by staying at work late and not coming for dinner. I am not sulking all the time, the very few times I feel hurt, I want him to say a few loving words. Should I just give up all hope?