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Need advice on my Relaltionship

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by FragnantJasmine, Aug 12, 2008.

  1. mtkm

    mtkm New IL'ite

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    Hi fragrantjasmine


    FORGET HIM.!!!!!!!!!!.He is not worth yr time.U got better things in life to do.Take care.


    regards

    latha
     
  2. mahika

    mahika Bronze IL'ite

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    Oh my god i cant believe that !
    I hope you read my post in the "cynical about men"
    My sisters ex also did similar thing when they were seeing each other .he promised he will change and left for pune .You know what since she agreed to it she would call him and he would talk all nice talks like i miss you blah blah ...he also looked changed when he came back from pune but he was the same when he was sure that she is his now .These kind of men are like dogs .when you kick them they will wag their tails around you and when you love them they will bite you and bark upon you .
    Honey For god sake walk out .just stop thinking or rationalising any thing ...just walk out .You know the funny co incidence in your story and my sisters story is that that guy also had the same name .I dont want the same thing to happen to you too .
     
  3. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Hmm.. quite a melodrama going on here.

    Lady,

    First let me remind, you are not 16 year old teenager. You are 24 years old , educated adult woman. If that doesnot give you enough wisdom to take right decisions then you are doomed to suffer in such sick relation.
    So many ladies above have given excellent thoughtful responses. But you know what you seem equally mentally unstable as the guy in question seems. May be you are both suited for each other then.
    There are so many disastrous things you have already done with your life and family. That you hardly can see anything in clear perspective. I am just listing some for you to think hard.

    - Whats need to publicize to whole relative clan just when you are staring to see a guy
    - How a guy with unstable mind be termed as lover with charming personality. Please it has to be equally unstable person who finds it so.
    - Distracting your whole family from major illness into something which could have easily waited is another disastrous step.
    - Behaving like a lovesick teenager will only land you with a mad person as incharge of the house.

    I wont even waste my words mentioning leave the guy or anything. Its your life. You thought you were choosing a guy because he will die if you didnt marry him. And just few months later, you are the one hoping to die in some freak accident. Does this all not ring a bell in your head?

    To speak the truth, In world of sensible people there is no such love where a person would die if they didnt marry the other person. Its only in the wolrd of immature and unstable people that someone threatens like this and other person responds too.

    Ria
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2008
  4. rosenav

    rosenav Silver IL'ite

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    Oh thank god.. i could not wait till the end of the post crossing my fingers and thinking please not tell me she already married him... very glad to know you are not married.... please please i'm not that exprience in life to advise you...but he if diffinetly not worth you. dnt marry him
     
  5. saraswatibhat

    saraswatibhat Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Jasmine,

    Sorry for whatever happened to you.After reading your post I feel the person is just using you and there is not point to continue the relationship.Dont worry too much about what others say....Since it is your life..People speak for some days and then they will forget...But you are the one to undergo...SO it is good that you came to know about the person well befre...so that you life is not spoiled....


    Trust and respect is the most important thing in any relation.When both of it is not there then there is not point in continuing..
    Please be strong...and everything will go fine...

    I pray to God that he should give you strength....and wish you good luck....

    Take care,
    Saraswati
     
  6. FragnantJasmine

    FragnantJasmine New IL'ite

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    Hi ria

    I really feel I have also become unstable.Wht I said abt his charmness is abt his outwardly charmness and not abt the actual person he is,I know very well about him now,and I was not the one who publicized it to the realtive clan,it was a mistake that my brother did when bala came to visit my papa in hospital and our relatives were there.The whole family was emotionally distressed,may be he wanted papa to be relaxed that there is someone for his sister and he need not worry much.

    I had not told anyone except my parents,my brother even was unaware ,until he came from US.I dont want to behave like a love sick teenager,I am not one ......I want my parents happy...which they are not now.I said yes to the person because he said he cant live without me,and when u commit to soemone ..u start to love him right...thts what is the thing tht happened with me.I was not eager for this marraige ,my parents were eager beacuse of my papa health condition

    Anyways thanks a lot for hitting hard on my head and saying tht its me who has to take the fnal descision.

    I respect your words.Inspite of all that tht has happened to me ,if I still think about him as good and reconciling wht happened..there ought to be wrong with me myself.

    I promise I will take a right descision,and hope someday godwilling I will be there to post about the happy family life I am leading.

    Thanks a lot.
     
  7. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi FragrantJasmine,

    I have been reading about your developing story and feeling a bit sorry for you. Standing at the cross roads of love and trust is never easy.

    The reason being that sometimes when we are in love, we cannot see clearly and tend to think more with our heart. As so many ladies here have painstakingly pointed this out, people's intrinsic nature never changes. A hot tempered and violent person will always remain so. It is part of his nature. A manipulative person will always remain so. It is part of his personality.

    From your description, your boyfriend seems to me to be all of the above plus behaving like a classic abuser. First showing tremendous caring, then verbal and physical abuse, then asking for forgiveness and manipulating the partner into staying with emotional blackmail, then after a few days starting the abuse again...and just keep repeating the cycle again and again and again...

    I am also surprised at your readiness in giving in to his amazing excuses and reasonings. A guy who has been repeatedly lying to you and has broken his word to you many times before...says that he will find someway in 4 months to show to you that he can be trusted and you believe him readily.

    Are you so eager to get married that you are even willing to marry a liar and an abuser?? Do you think so little of yourself that out of so many men out there who love and respect their girlfriends and wives and treat them with dignity, you are not willing to wait for one such person ???

    My suggestion to you would be to take a break from relationships for a while. The mere fact that you have been in one bad relationship after another and are still in such an abusive relationship tells me that this guy is feeding off your insecurities in a big way.

    You are only 24. By choosing to give another chance to this guy and maybe marry him later, you are telling him and yourself that being abused is acceptable to you. Being beaten or abused is something that you will forgive and get over with.

    You need to sit down and ask yourself - Why is it that you are considering marrying and living your next 50+ years with somebody who has already abused you, illtreated you, insulted you, shamed you, made you think of giving up life, emotionally blackmailed you etc etc.

    A guy is as good as his worst traits. Please understand this. A man who talks lovingly and shows his caring only till his will is being done is domineering, rigid and selfish in simple and plain words.

    Take care and I hope that you take a wise decision...

    Regards,
    Aarushi
     
  8. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

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    Hi Jasmine,

    Please please get away from this guy as fast as possible. he is just not worth u. please read the other posts by other ladies who are already married to such guys. ur not yet married so thats a blessing in disguise that u came to know before marriage
    i have seen such marriages bfore my eyes.
    ultimately we are here to guide u but the final decision is only yours.
     
  9. laxmi_subhas

    laxmi_subhas Senior IL'ite

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    hi

    I dont want to give u anymore explainations. already so many ladies have spent their precious time and gave you valuable suggestions. If you still think of him, you are a big fool...Hope to see ur next post some postive thinking.

    cheers

    laxmi
     
  10. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Jasmine,

    After going through your posts, i feel that you have multiple concerns about breaking your relationship with him apart from your feelings towards him.

    1. How your parents would take it: Any parent in that position is sure to be disappointed. But that situation will not last forever. When you find yourself a suitable life partner and settle down, they will be very happy for you. Also they will be proud that you have taken a bold decision and stepped out of a bad relation before it is too late.

    2. How the society will take it: The society will not come to your rescue if you marry this guy and he harrasses you day in and day out. So it is useless to think about it. Some people might say hurtful words but if your think of the disaster you avoided by coming out fo this relationship, those words will not bother you.

    3. How Mahesh would take it: Dear Jasmine, people who blackmail everyone with their suicide threats will be the last ones to do so. He will not commit suicide. He might play a small drama to make you believe that he tried to commit suicide but never a serious attempt. So you can relax on that count.

    Dear Jasmine, we have only one life to live. We might do many mistakes unknowingly. But if you make a mistake even after knowing the entire situation, it will be only you that is to blame. So please take a firm and wise decision.

    Time can heal a lot.. Your feelings towards him which feel so intense now will fade away if you make the attempt and divert your attention to more important things like finding a new job, your certifications etc.

    Best of luck in your life dear..
     

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