Need Advice On Better Parenting My 3rd Grader

yeah . this is again another copy idea from US. here sometimes homework is not given but at the same the classes progress under a realistic pace. sorry you have to go thru this.

 

Dear

Trust me every parent go through this cycle, you are not alone in this boat.

You need to understand the grasping power of a third grader. It should be a balance of of her passions, interest and academic.

Whenever i put my lil one in a class i give it a 6 months time. After 6 months if she can't cop up it's the time to stop. Within the 6 months you both get a rough idea whether to proceed or not. Whether it is dance, music, musical instruments, martial arts, sports whichever category it is.

I will never say academic needs to be taken lightly but go as per the age. At the third grade bit of maths and bit of english that should be enough. Keep tuitions for it . Rest will be learned on the way..

At least until 8th grade have more fun, play with her. Go out on weekends. Spend but more time in other cultural activities. 10 years down the lane when you look back what you want to is some sweet memories and fun moments. Not the hell lot of shouting.

You are doing a wonderful job. I know you want to give "everything" to your kid. Every parents wants that. But in that journey to have "everything" you are missing the "fun part".
But you need to learn to pick the right one, balance everything for them.

 

@Sweety2016 , a tight bear hug to you. You are overwhelmed. There's too much on your plate. Please review your schedule and your priorities and make the necessary changes. Your child needs you. Please let everything else- your job, her grades in school, etc take a temporary backseat. She is making memories now and as a parent please ensure that she has fond memories to look back on, when she grows up and leaves your nest.

Her falling grades will improve soon. Dont fret too much about it or talk to her incessantly about it. Her self confidence should not get affected in any way. Just focus on showing her explicitly the love, warmth and the sense of security she is seeking from you, by virtue of being your daughter. Everything will be fine even before you realize. God speed to you.

 

I pity the children of such parents. Why are you so obsessed? You should go to a counsellor and talk.
Syamala

 

Please let her process her thoughts and feelings
She needs encouragement and empowerment to come out of her behavior
The fact she had courage to write this shows she wants to change
She is looking for ways to change
It is not easy to find a counselor in India for these issues
Let us help her instead of scaring her to get help
@Sweety2016 Don't be hard on you
I would advice you to do meditation to help you resolve your own issues
Keep life simple
Don't associate your daughter's achievement with the value of your life
Past is past now think about the future and act wisely and calmly
@Laks09 and @Srama have provided wonderful suggestions. Go through the post again and see what changes you can make. Please vent here on days you feel down. We are here to lift you up.

 

If

In Bangalore Banjara academy is an excellent counselling centre. They do online councelling too and it is free. She can approach them and they would definitely help. I want the child to have a happy childhood. It is my personal view. It is her discretion to use the facility or not. My niece worked there as a counsellor.
Syamala

 

Hi @Sweety2016 ,

I am happy to hear that my response resonated with you. I truly appreciate your response and kind words, especially mentioning the time and effort - it means a lot. I work with at least 30 to 35 parents at any point and as many students, if not more. That said, I can appreciate suggestions for therapy and all that and you do need to take care of yourself, but I think you should come up with a doable plan and start working on it right away as you look into the other part. It will give you a sense of control (over your situation) and direction.

Unfortunately, many people carry childhood trauma. It is okay - we all have things going on in our lives. I am sorry you went through what you did, but thankfully, you are aware of it and do not want to repeat the pattern that you were subjected to! That's a great start. So, for now, just do two things, taking one day at a time. First, move her study time to an earlier time of the day and two compartmentalize in your head - daughter's study time in one compartment and the rest of the things you are dealing with in another!

Give yourself a little break from all the beating up you are doing on yourself and work on yourself as you help your daughter. Children are resilient and can forget as well as change quickly. Children also thrive best when expectations (not too high ) are set, when boundaries are set but with proper support. You just need to teach her some good study habits. That's all. You can do this!

Happy to help in any way I can. Best wishes.