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Need Advice In Arranged Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Saimya, Nov 20, 2016.

  1. Saimya

    Saimya New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies
    I am of Indian ethnicity living outside India and an overseas citizen of over 20 years.
    My parents are in talks with a prospective groom's family and he is expected to get in touch with me. I was wondering along the ladies here who have gone through a happy successful Arranged marriage, are there any pertinent questions that you ask to a prospective groom that helped you in your decision making?
    How would you know he's The One in an arranged marriage situation? Are there any particular leading questions I should ask to help me make a better decision?
    I would be highly appreciative of any helpful feedback thank you
     
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  2. vinodsinha

    vinodsinha Bronze IL'ite

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    Impossible. An element of luck and unpredictable factors do exist. In both arranged as well as love marriages.

    Only when you start living close to a person, for months together, you will get to know the full profile of him. At a distance, every individual successfully conceals the negative aspects of one's personality and projects only the positives. After the actual living together starts, it is not possible to conceal the negatives any more.

    Every individual is a constellation of both positives and negatives. You can't know the negatives from a distance. Even in a love marriage, where the couple claim to have spent so much time together, before marriage, do not get to know the other spouse's negatives in personality, until the actual living together starts after marriage.
     
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  3. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Op,
    The above post person has clearly given what I felt to say..Very true..Be positive..Don't complicate too much..keep your mind open and reduce your expectations..All the best dear..
     
  4. Laxmikrsnan

    Laxmikrsnan Silver IL'ite

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    Start a good friendship. All the best
     
  5. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Wile sparks might not fly immediately in an arranged marriage set up, there is no substitute to taking time to get to know a person.

    I recommend looking for premarital questionaires online and tailoring it to suit the indian needs. these have excellent thought provoking questions you might have to ponder about and dicuss with any prospective groom.

    Quite often the guys and girls have no clue what to expect from a life long commitment. add to it the fact that many men are quite clueless about womens empowerment and expect a substitute mum / housekeeper.

    It pays to do your homework and communicate clearly with the prospective groom about were you stand on life views and encourage a discussion. don't let him blinds agree or blindly disagree without thinking.
     
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  6. Saimya

    Saimya New IL'ite

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    Thank you everyone for your replies. Much appreciated:) ok I have a new question now though. I had a chat with the boy's parents last week and it went well, they are really nice and decent people. They have expressed genuine interest in me and conveyed this to my parents as well.
    They told my parents that their Son will try and call by this weekend as he has lately been very busy with work. I understand he is in US now and there's some 16 hours time difference between where he is and my side of the world. I have not received any msg or email from him over the weekend.
    Does it mean he lacks interest or should I simply continue to wait till he gets back to me? According to his parents he has seen my profile n told them that he likes my profile.
    What should I do now?
     
  7. AnkitaJainDL

    AnkitaJainDL New IL'ite

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    It is good that you should never hurry for an arrange marriage. Take your time to know the person first. Try to know each other make him a good friend. Check out your common things areas of interest. See how your partner respects and love you, and check whether you are also able to give him/her in return.If everything matches and works well then take your decision for marriage.
     
  8. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    The good book of strategies (Panchatantra) says,
    Get Seven Things in Marriage,
    All the others you may disparage:

    Get Money, Good Looks,
    And Knowledge of Books,
    Good Family, Youth,
    Position and Truth.

    Saimya:
    Post what you have come to know of your American alliance-proposal's wealth, looks, education, family (any cousins or close relatives crazy, have diseases etc..), stability/prospects in his job-business etc.. etc..

    And the ancient poem says "Truth" is one of the seven aspects. How do you believe any of the facets of the other six criteria are true ? Something you should ponder and deal with. There is always the usual scoring strategy for decision making: 3 out of 7 are excellent, 2 are good, 1 is If-fy and the other one is so-so. On the whole, this is an acceptable candidate, so long as I have a plan-B escape hatch.

    Good luck. My last word: be economically/financially independent, even if you get the best catch, and a keeper.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 15, 2017
  9. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    In any marriage, you should see the following -

    Are you working in similar professions?
    Is your financial status same as him? - Both have equal earning capacities?
    Are your likes and dislikes similar?
    What is the age difference between you two? - I would say 3-5 is ideal, at least he should look 3 years older than you, it is a big pain if either girl or boy looks way too younger than the other.
    Are your temperaments the same or complement each other?
    How old are you both, specifically where are you guys in your search for partner? Have you already seen guys before him, are you both pretty old? Are you confident of yourself? If not, be careful, because you could easily overlook potential red flags and faults and ignore the actual positives.
    He should show as much interest in you as you show in him. He should be considerate in general.
    He should never compare you to the women in his circle and place you at a lower position than them.
    Are his parents balanced? Do both of them talk equally or participate in your conversations as a couple or one of them dominates the other conspicuously?
    What are his views on having kids?
    What are his views about sharing details(especially financial) with partner after marriage? Is he the type who wants each to be on their own? Not a good sign in that case.

    If any of these are not met, don't go ahead with the proposal.
     
  10. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear look for his heart ❤️.. enjoy the courtship.. rest all the other ladies have told you..
    Be careful of inlaws all will be fine..
     

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