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Need advice for making Happy family

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ShilSan, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. ShilSan

    ShilSan New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    This is on behalf of my friend..she shy to post her problem.I am newly married lady hav no experience to deal this pblm so i need IL ladies advice for my frnd. she is 29 yrs old lady hav a 2 yrs old kid..her problem is her husband is not givin his attention..been 2 years her sex life is very low..her husband isnt showin any interest on her.At first he told her to reduce post delievery fat...she was 72 kg tat time now she reduced to 62..he still ignore her...he is a manager in a media co.. she says whn he return to home he sit till 12 am in front of tv... n awake at 8 am in morning and she go to bed at 10 pm n wake up at 7 am..thr kid sleep in between thm.Thy dont hug or kiss even..one day when she tried to seduce him he scolded her frm tat moment she stopped doin such things .she says she dont want lose her self esteem..He is good man as father and as a son in law...he is 36 yrs old.she is diverting her mind on doing shoppin...trying to become a shopaholic...He is supporting her to do..she says he knws well he is givin wat she want n willin to see frm him ..but he is acting like a cold man... please help me...tell me some solution to make my frnd 's life happy....
     
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  2. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    consult a doctor.....

    may be a psychiatrist or a fertility specialist ............
     
  3. GeethaMR

    GeethaMR Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Need advice

    Hi,

    There are two reasons - physical and mental for low interest. The mental domain is huge. It could be anything from this stress to that stress. The simple method is to address it in the physical domain.

    Google the following:

    1. "site:ayurvedhealthcare.com natural low libido"

    2. "Top 10 Ayurvedic herbs to boost libido"

    My friend from school days is an Ayurvedic doctor and she says this is one of the most common problems seen in last 2-3 tears.
     
  4. ShilSan

    ShilSan New IL'ite

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    Re: Need advice

    Thanks Geetha :)...Its an awesome site...
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Need advice

    1. Have the kid sleep in it's own room, in it's own bed. This is just common sense. How can the husband feel sexy when there's a two year old sleeping between him and his wife. :bonk

    2. Tell her to continue losing weight and getting in shape. Not just for her husband's satisfaction, but because she'll feel better and more confident when she looks good. She should talk to her doctor to figure out what a healthy weight goal is.

    3. She should talk to him about why their sex life is so low. She should ask him if he'd go to the doctor to get his testosterone levels checked and all that, just to make sure he's healthy. She should ask him why he pushes her away when she's trying so hard. Also, your friend should try to be the sexy lady she was before the kid came along. Meaning, if all she ever does it talk about kid stuff... stop it. She should not lose her entire self in being a 'mom'. Tell her to maintain all aspects of her self, including her sexy wife side. :thumbsup

    Good luck to her.
     
  6. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Need advice

    Thanks Geetha. I went through the sites too. Hope it helped you ShilSan.

    Well sometimes I wonder, say a husband's sex libido is average.
    But the wife starts giving him foods to increase his libido. Now his libido is increased and how if he's unable to control his urges and gets into EMA with his colleagues etc?

    The wife would have been happy with her husband with his average libido but now after the increased libido her husband has started to stray and unable to control his sexual attractions towards other women. Silly me. Is that possible? :bonk
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2011
  7. Liveandletlive

    Liveandletlive New IL'ite

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    Re: Need advice

    Geetha,
    I myself have this problem.Eventough my husband is very patient in handling me, I am scared that one day or the other, he may get irritated by my low interest(infact 0%interest) in sex.
    Actually, I love my DH very much, but when it comes to sex, my mind is always trying to escape from that.Even if I prepare my mind all the day for that act, I just want to avoid it at that particular time.I was really confused by my own behaviour and don't know whom to ask suggestions and even thought that most of the women in their 30's will lose interest in sex.(I am just 30 now)
    But when reading the posts from other women makes my opinion wrong.So the fault is with me only.I too read that remedies for low libido in ayurvedichealthcare.com.
    Thanks for giving the site name.Will follow those natural foods.
     
  8. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Need advice

    Antidote may be to starve him. Just dont give him any food for a few days, run him on empty, and the levels may stabilize*




    *side effect: minor risk is that he may run to someone because someone is actually kind enough to give him food.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2011
  9. GeethaMR

    GeethaMR Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you friends!

    There is a basic and simple understanding in this approach to increase interest. The foods calm the mind as well as the body. As a result, the person does not feel fatigued. The western approach of treatment is more “between the legs” while our own system is more “between the ears” i.e. in the mind. Moreover, the foods do not turn the person into an uncontrollable person, they just flush out the stress from the body.

    We must not be insecure over this aspect. We should be on the same level - Physical, emotional and Mental with the husbands. For husbands, wives are the primary source of love and care, even if they may not say so verbally. If the DH feels a negative emotion, the wife inadvertently comes to know about it. Similarly, when the DH feels a positive sentiment, the DW is the first one with which he would like to share it. It is for us to nurture that positive sentiment and hence, we must not at all be insecure about it or think that the person will stray.

    Geetha
     
  10. GeethaMR

    GeethaMR Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Need advice

    .
    Dear Live and Let Live,

    Please don't think that there is a "fault" with you. Sometimes, due to society's conditioning or many other reasons, we are unable to discuss our problems. Thanks to Indus we can easily do so without feeling judged or judging others. Moreover, a lot of mental conditioning makes us look at things as "bad" which later cause a rift in our marriage lives. I think, you have already recognized where you need to improve and are on the path to solving it. Moreover, you also have a understanding DH and not someone who takes out this frustration on you, so even he would be happy with the change in you. So don't blame yourself, just follow your heart in solving this and soon you should be overcome this fear or inhibition.

    Geetha
     

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