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Need advice and suggestion

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by lakshu, Apr 11, 2010.

  1. lakshu

    lakshu New IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    Thank you so much for your valuable reply.
    I got a proposal from a person, who is an electrical engineer running his own business. HE Send his photo on mail, he is bald head with a very average personality. He called me over phone who is a widower without any issues and explained about his life and enquired about my life. He told that he will be better life partner and a good father for my daughters.

    He told that he will speak to my parents and brothers with their permission he wants to marry me and will give a very good life. He is not compelling me in any way, he gave his address and phone no of his residence and office to enquire about him.

    I spoke to my parents they are asking me "what is the caste of that person?" ,I know he is a hindu but I didn't ask the caste. Do caste is very important?

    My parents are telling you've two daughters so the caste is very important.

    My elder brother is telling, whatever consequence comes after that (ie after marriage) you've to face it,we will not be responsible for any cause.

    My younger brother is telling you are going to spoil your daughters life, you be a widow and lead your life that is a good solution.

    My first life is a very tragedic life, i don't have any nice rememberance to lead my future. I am only just 36 years old. my elder daughter is in college hostel and she is in first year for the coming years also she wants to be in hostel. she said it is convenient for her after UG she want to go for PG and that also she said she will be in hostel, being with my younger daughter who is 7 year old. I feel very lonely and afraid.
    WHAT TO DO? PLEASE MY DEAR FRIENDS KINDLY HELP ME.
     
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  2. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Lakshu ,
    Good to know that you got a proposal ! Sounds good , but dont rush in . Take time and find out about him , tell him to meet you and to send a letter with his details. When we talk we dont remember every detail.
    There are many bad people too so one has to be careful. That is why your parents and brother are scared. What if he is not nice to you or your daughters ?
    Be careful , if all goes well , meet his family , caste matters only if you want it to , otherwise nobody cares.
    If your family does not support your decision then what ? Try to get their support.
    But dont rush into marriage , get to know him well . There are several questions like how did his wife die , how much does he earn ,about his family and many more.

    One cannot decide to marry anyone just by a single phone call.
     
  3. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    To which era does your brothers belong to? I am very surprised that brothers are advising you this way.

    Don't check the caste. Check for the social-cultural-econimic similarities. If you think both of you can have a happy life with these similarities, you must go ahead and get married. What you need is a good and a responsible human being.

    Your daughters:- Give them the best education and allow them to lead their life and decide for themseleves. They will not be troubled by your remarriage provided the man is a good human being.
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yep I agree too....dont worry about what is his caste. But please do a check on a how he is..i.e nature of the person, find out from his work colleagues or friends and also ask him what are his future goals and plans for life. Check whether you both have common interests, and goals and whether you both have a plan on how to lead your life after marriage...bring up these discussions with him, brainstorm. You would know how compatible you are...By the way during such brainstorming session, be open, dont try to give in or dont try to remain calm and do not say Yes to all his plans, be firm on what you beleive is right. If you know what you want, check what he wants from marriage and that way it becomes easier to understand whether you both want the same things from marriage or not. Also if during these talks or brainstorming sesssions if he pushes you or pursuades you to accept only his point and wont agree or accept your points,that also shows the nature of the person as to how accomodating each of you are....

    Dont worry about what your parents/brothers say...finally they wont be around all their life..everyone has right to take care and make decisions about their life. GoodLuck ..hoping to hear some good news soon
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2010
  5. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    I do not want to be a show spoiler here but still wanted to put this caution across.Yes, You definitely need a company.But , I would say you need to be extra cautious as you have 2 daughters.Probably your younger brother wanted to convey this message.

    I wish you would get a good match for yourself.
     
  6. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    I was thinking about this. Just thought I will write it here, so I can hear others comments too.

    Before entering another relationship, maybe we must think about the following:


    1. What mistakes did we commit in the earlier relationship?
    2. What are the specifics that we need to look in the next relationship?
    3. How do we avoid the same mistakes from happening?
    4. What are our weakness and how do we work on them?
    I have been thinking about the above 4 items for a while.
     
  7. chaand

    chaand New IL'ite

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    My god!! how carefully u have analyzed and thought abt the above mentioned pts.
     
  8. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    @Chaand: We need to analyze, because we cannnot allow the same mistake to happen again. Nevertheless, how much ever we analyze, there's something called as destiny and luck. It depends on how favorable they are to us.

    @Bhuvinidi: You are using the Indian Emblem as your avataar. Is it okay?
     
  9. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Canwait, Are we not suppose to use it?I didn't know that.:hide:I thought when we can use our flag , why don't we use our emblem.

    I think if it is not okay Malathy(and moderators) would have already pointed out.

    Now,your qn makes me re-think.Hmm....Probably it is wrong as it is shown as sign of power or authority???????
     
  10. lakshu

    lakshu New IL'ite

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    Dear thanks for your reply feel so proud and happy to know a person is there for me to advice, actually he proposed me in the month of December, still I am not decided because I feel whether this relationship will go right or not.
     

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