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Need a male perspective - Ex Lover appears

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by google, Jan 29, 2015.

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  1. Jan 29, 2015 #1
    google

    google Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi All
    15 years ago in my teens I was in love with a guy. In about a year we broke up. No contact or any communication. I got married and have 2 kids and he got married and has 2 kids.

    Last week we met accidently and spoke a little bit and exchanged phone numbers. When we were chatting in whatsapp the next day, he said he told his wife about me immediately after marriage. Also he told his wife that he met after 15 years. I know its very honest and nice of him. But seriously I feel weird that his wife might hate me and be annoyed with me, who would like all this ?H
    He wants to introduce me to his wife.

    I have never told my husband about this and even if I meet this guy anywhere I will just introduce him to my husband as an old friend for sure and not ex-lover.

    I want to know what the hell is this guy thinking.

    1.Is he that honest and straight forward ?
    2.Is he just bragging to his wife that he had a lover ?
    3.Is his wife so sweet to listen to all this stuff ?
    4.Is he having a bad marriage and rubbing this on his wife's face ?
    5.Why does he want me to say hello to his wife ?


    Why is he being like this, no woman wants to hear about the girl his husband madly loved. Seriously I don't understand his mind, please enlighten me ..
     
    google, Jan 29, 2015
    google, Jan 29, 2015
    #1
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  2. Jan 29, 2015 #2
    nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Maybe he is trying to rub in your face - look you left me, but I found such a beautiful, sweet wife, who I have two lovely kids with.

    Do not keep it a secret from your husband. Tell him you met him, and exchanged phone numbers. Say you do not want to meet and find his request strange. Say you will decline to meet them, as it would be awkward for both you and his wife. Unless your husband is conservative or controlling, he should know this. Hiding things can cause unnecessary misunderstandings later.

    As for meeting his wife, there is no reason to do this. Clearly you are not comfortable with it. Offer a polite and short apology, and refuse.

    Is there a reason you want to be in touch with him? If it is only because of past relationship, don't bother. It has been 15 years, let him go. Avoid any situation that can be uncomfortable to all.
     
    nb25, Jan 29, 2015
    nb25, Jan 29, 2015
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  3. Jan 29, 2015 #3
    google

    google Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply

    That's the point, I live in USA, IT manager, earning $150k and still look young. He is in India owns a small business and his wife very orthodox looking. There is no way he is rubbing it in my face.

    My husband is nice guy but very possessive so no way I am keep in touch with this guy or telling my husband about this.

    But seriously whats the mindset behind his over eagerness to tell his wife about me after marriage and now after 15 yrs ? Is it to brag to his wife that he has an ex-lover in USA ?
     
    google, Jan 29, 2015
    google, Jan 29, 2015
    #3
  4. Jan 29, 2015 #4
    Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Most here know that I dont care abt popularity, so let me say it as I see it.
    That guy is fortunate that he didnt marry you.
     
    Ragini25, Jan 29, 2015
    Ragini25, Jan 29, 2015
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  5. Jan 29, 2015 #5
    Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Your ex has been happily married for 15 years, has kids, and has stayed out of your life as far as I can tell. He seems like a decent guy. Why attribute malice to his intentions? Why are you judging him based on his salary and position in life relative to your own? Does a person's salary act as a measure of their character? And when did orthodox-looking (traditional?) = ugly! Maybe some couples just like to be honest with each other.

    As to meeting his wife, your ex suggested it; you can politely decline.
     
    Gauri03, Jan 29, 2015
    Gauri03, Jan 29, 2015
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    10 people like this.
  6. Jan 29, 2015 #6
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    If above, then what is below:
    whatsapp is bad. Buri aadat hai. Delete kar dalo. (it is a bad app, delete it).
     
    Rihana, Jan 29, 2015
    Rihana, Jan 29, 2015
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  7. Jan 29, 2015 #7
    SRK

    SRK Bronze IL'ite

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    Whatever the reason is...He may be gud, bad or pretend to be gud. His wife may b broad-minded/posessive. Don't ever believe any of this and put ur life in trouble, Stay out of this and lead a peaceful life.

    Anything may happen..Always think about the negative impacts b4 you leap in..Later u can't feel for it..So stay away :shhh: and stay happy :2thumbsup:
     
    SRK, Jan 29, 2015
    SRK, Jan 29, 2015
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    1 person likes this.
  8. Jan 29, 2015 #8
    nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    If you won't keep in touch with him, why bother about his mindset?

    He may be happier with his wife than you seem to think. Stay out of his life and avoid the embarrassment of doing something silly.

    Btw, how do you know what his wife looks like, if you have not met him since breaking up?
     
    nb25, Jan 29, 2015
    nb25, Jan 29, 2015
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    3 people like this.
  9. Jan 29, 2015 #9
    Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    WOW, he owns a business?! And he has an orthodox looking wife? Beautiful. And to have a wife who understands him so much! Lucky guy. He doesn't have to be sneaky , he doesn't have to hide anything. And the icing on the cake is that he lives in INDIA. What a blessing!
     
    Radhai, Jan 29, 2015
    Radhai, Jan 29, 2015
    #9
    suzii, sdiva20, India123 and 13 others like this.
  10. Jan 29, 2015 #10
    Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    hmm they do have a point when they say "Imagination is your only limit" thinkingsmiley
     
    Radhai, Jan 29, 2015
    Radhai, Jan 29, 2015
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    Sairindhri, sdiva20, pocahontas and 2 others like this.
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