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Need A Break From Married Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Ishaan10, Sep 26, 2019.

  1. Ishaan10

    Ishaan10 Bronze IL'ite

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    my husband is momma boy...he cares for me yes .. but when it comes whether me or hos mother he gives more n more importance to his mother than me ignoring my feelings, emotion and desires...they both wont give respect to my parents...i fought n fed up with them regarding this issue....now they were started this with me like not giving respect for me that i deserve... insulting n ignoring me...he doesn't physically abused me...but he verbally abused n used harsh words...

    I just need a brake....i want to spend time with people who loves me n cares me that's my parents...i planned to stay with them for 3 months...i want to show them that i should not be taken for granted... Now i want to know that it's a wise decision or worst one...meanwhile I have a job here ...n one yr old n school going kid (4 yr old)...have to put long leave for me n kid...shall I go with the plan...
    I want to show them I'm not easy n taken for granted...
     
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  2. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Silver IL'ite

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    Very bad idea. 1st it will hinder your career. 2nd it will hinder with your elder one's school routine.

    Please calm down. I would say give them silent treatment. Stay in the same house. It's yours too even if they don't respect you or make you feel a part of house member.

    If you moveout even if temporary, it may backfire if the husband and MIL are of egoistic type.

    Instead, stop doing all house chores. Give silent treatment to both dh & mil.

    Just cook for yourself and your kids. Make sure your kids don't get affected by all the dramas inside house.

    Spend time with your kids, take them out for evening park/play time. Spend minimal time at home.

    Just ignore them as if they dont exist in that house. I'm pretty sure within few days your dh will get frustrated and ask you what's your problem.

    That time be as calm as you can and tell that you are just behaving same as how they are behaving with you. Is there any problem?


    This should give him some reality check if he cares about you.

    Once you feel that he is picking up your feelings, explain him how you feel and if he wants this type of unhealthy married life?
    Tell him how his kids are also getting affected by all this.

    If you leave, you will only complicate and jeopardize your marriage. Rather be a lioness and attack on seeing the opportunity.
     
    yesican, Anusha2917, shravs3 and 3 others like this.
  3. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    I second Purpleroses' idea. Do not move out and take a break from your marriage. marriage is a full time life long thing, if you decide to take a break, you get separated or get divorced. That decision will backfire and people will blame you only. When you take a break and ready to come back what if your husband is not ready to take you back? What if he got adjusted to you being not there and you are not okay with it? Can you handle it? You says he cares about you. No matter how much his mom loves him you are his wife. he has to come back to you at the end of the day. Do not give up. Go for couple days but do not tell anyone you are taking a break from husband and ILs. Take break as much as you want. But always come back stronger.
     
  4. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Gold IL'ite

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    Stay separate if you want to ... you are your best judge because you know what you are going through.

    But, separation should not be used as a weapon to threaten them or to teach them a lesson. What if they don't care and do not ask you to come home after that 3 months. 3 months time is what you set for yourself. Moreover, high chances that your mama's boy will be brainwashed by his mother during your absence and the situation only worsens.

    So, discuss this with your husband. Tell him what exactly you are feeling, with incidents. Make him know that you are hurt and need sometime to regain yourself. That, during this time of separation, both of you will use the time introspect and focus on how to improve the marriage.

    You both need to agree that your intention in living apart is to enhance the marriage. Only then separation will really help in making your marriage stronger. If you are using it as a revenge mechanism, you are up for some nasty surprises from his side. And keep in regular contact during that time of separation, in case you opt for it. Remember, "out of sight, out of mind".

    Alternatively, detaching yourself emotionally and mentally whilst living with him is also another way of helping yourself in this situation. May be you can try that before you consider separation??

    In any case, you must let him know how you feel and see what he has to say.
     
  5. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    The range of the need to separate can vary anywhere between
    • The husband had done his part and created a couple of babies for you; you can leave him, and go away to raise your children the way you want and never see your husband ever again.
    • You are just mad that he hadn't asked you whether he could... before he did... and you want to go away to make him come after you and apologize.
    Go away as long as your case warrants. In western countries, where divorce is easier, especially for the wealthy, Liz Taylor divorced her husband (for reasons that we would just go to mother's house for a couple of weeks) and then remarried him (the same guy) over and over. It never mattered that he took on new personalities, and backgrounds. Almost like she had a prepaid divorce lawyer, with a balance on her account for additional services. The favorite of one of our veteran members (hello... @iyerviji ), one Jane Powell, replaced her husband every few years, because the one she had didn't behave the way she had wanted him to.

    The actions of married girls who want a (fully deserved, and earned) break are totally dependent on where they live, what options are available, and how they take advantage of them.

    I like Jane Powell.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2019
  6. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    Living your life your way in the same house will be the biggest lesson for them. You need to put them in place and I don't mean it in a harsh revengeful way. Sometimes you need to let people know that you are capable of standing up for yourself don't need anyone. At the same time you won't be treated as doormat. Just because you married and moved in doesn't mean you will leave parents behind. They are still the most important people in your life just like his parents are for him. They come secondary for you and nothing in the world will change that. You don't expect him to put your parents first either. Do a slow conditioning of this affirmation over a period. Then bring parents here instead of dropping everything and going on a break. People like these react negatively to separation. The distance between you will have grown in multiples instead of improving in this time. Also remember that your parents are adults old enough and experienced enough to take care of themselves. Don't spoil your married life over rifts between them. Just tell them you don't need them to bend over backwards for your sake. Treat in laws and husband just like any other relative. If they start bs stop the discussion move away drop the call don't call back don't invite don't go. You can take care of yourself with any drama that follows. Reduce your mom did this to my mom talks between you two. Even the most understanding husband's go on super offensive when it comes to mommy. Just do what makes you happy and it drives them crazy.
     
  7. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    Your husband won't change because you take a break for three months, if you are looking for separation then go ahead. If you want change in your life not to be taken granted by husband and mil then you need to change yourself , develop a thick skin , do what you please at the same home , don't give in because of their taunts or faces, I remember you sending back parents because of your husband and mils reaction don't do such things, when you take strong actions at same home including allowing your parents to visit without backing off,then he will stop you for taking granted, by running away nothing will change. Unless you need a clean break, your value is determined by your own actions, you yourself can only stop being doormat. It's you who need to show courage at your home to do things as you please, running away will not make your husband give you that in platter.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2019
  8. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    A tight hug from my side. Hang in there OP.

    Visit your folks for a weekend or leave your kids with your parents for few weeks and see if it makes a difference and if it gives time to work on ur marriage.

    I was in your shoes.. i wanted to meet my parents or tell them to stay with me for few days.. couldnt get the courage to ask for permission. Then, once my frustration peaked, i just started “telling” and not taking “ permission” to visit my folks. Surprisingly, mil and H were ok. They too got a break for the weekend and i got to relax at my parents place. But, i had to take care of all the logistics like overnight travel with little kid and other things. My relatives frowned and said as to why i always come alone and not with my H and they made my parents realise that too. I just gave a F*** for their opinions. Selfishly, i wanted ME time and to relax.
     
  9. blissfulmember

    blissfulmember Senior IL'ite

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    Punishing anyone is a bad idea.
    Anger and hatred does no benefit to you.

    Even if you win in all this, your kids would be affected by it. They would be affected by your vibrations.

    Practice spiritual principles. Whatever suits you use it to transform yourself. The world would be beautiful for you.

    Change urself to see change in world.
    This may sound contrary to other people suggestions but believe me it works. :)
     

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