Nearing delivery but no support from husband

Rajapriyab · Jun 6, 2013

Hi Ladies,

I was married 3 years ago and I am single parented child. My mom lived with me initially and due to inlaws problem she went to my native. My husband was not supportive to me and always used to tell me that he will divorce me whenever we have misunderstandings. Days rolled on and became mother for my first daughter. He is not nice to daughter too. he will not even take care about the kid even if she is sick.

He didnt go to job either and I was managing household expenses and everything. Meanwhile I got pregnant again for the second kid and he wanted me to abort it. I didnt want to kill my own so i said no and going to deliver in this month. I took seperate home for mom to take care of my kid since my MIL is not ready to do that.

Now I am struggling to manage the family physically and financially. He was not even helping in anything. I am verymuch frustrated now with his behaviour and want to divorce him. But everyone is telling me to wait for some years. I have gone through physical abuse, verbal abuse and everything in this marriage. I hope 3 years is not short time for giving him time to change. So after my delivery am planning to initiate divorce. I dont want to live with non supportive, non loving husband. Ladies please advice..

tulipzz · Jun 6, 2013

If you are confident, go ahead. You shouldn't take abuse from anyone.

pearblossom2012 · Jun 6, 2013

Its going to be though before and after. At least you have your mom with you who understands you to go through the divorce. Mine i did have a year of hell and misery. It was a love marriage. Parents againts if i wanted to take a different direction. Im swallowing all the pain and now is ok. But all the verbal abuse will live as long im alive. I wish i had parents who were more understanding. You definitely dont need him. Trust me. Your have your mom. Depend on each other and go through the hell and as time goes by it will heal for you and mom. as for the kids, its going to torment them forever for letting go of their father. They will understand someday and forgive you for the path taken.

Vemala · Jun 6, 2013

OP,
Mom Can definitly support you. As you felt, your kids also feel they have single parent and definitly going to miss father. Think about it. At any cost, Physical abuse is not accepted.

Its very dificult situation, but need to be strong. If you are low, delivery will be diffcult and child heart beat will be low . You need moral support now. Be strong.

Let him realize the mistake. Take time, deliver the baby and wait for few months and take good decision for your life.

GOd will bless you happy child.

guesshoo · Jun 6, 2013

Hi sweetheart,

Stay strong and ditch your loser husband who you say is neither a good father nor a good husband. Nor a provider for that matter. You are setting a great example for your child by refusing to put up with abuse...

Good luck.
And hugs
G

Rajapriyab · Jul 18, 2013

Friends..

Blessed with baby girl who looks similar to her elder one thanks for your prayers.

And now, My MIL came to hospital but didnt even lift the kids. she didnt even talk to me also. I delivered the baby by 10 in the morning and came to room by 2o clk but my hubby came to see me by 7 only and he didnt even talk to me. my neighbour aunties only with me in hospital during my delivery (My first kid was not allowing my mom to stay at hospital). Husband didnt even care anything and he left off. Next day he didnt even come to see me. I called him on the third day to pay the bill since second delivery should be done from husband side. He came and paid the bill, dropped me at mom's home. When i asked him why he didnt come on second day, he replied me saying I didnt talk to his mom on the first day. I was really frustrated. Is it if i talk to his mom then only am his wife? hated him like anything.

After 2 days, his mom said something to him about me that I told bad about her to one of his relative. He asked me about this. I said "You better ask to your relative whether i said or not". For that he told me, he is adjusting with me for kids and some bad words. I really got angry because of his behaviour and replied "If he is adjusting with me because of kids means even i can adjust with him for kids but i cant adjust with MIL" he got angry for this and asked me to give divorce. I said am ready where is the papers. He left the home.

Its been 20 days, he didnt come, he didnt even care about kids. I was struggling like anything to manage physically and financially with two kids. He is not a good father too. I am planning to call his relatives who acted as mediators for this stupid marriage and ask for maintenance after 2 months (its just 1 month now after my delivery. So going to wait till I recover). If he is not ready I am going to file maintenance case.

internet · Jul 18, 2013

Priya,

I read your other posts as well. You have to be extremely firm with your husband. Ask him what is his role in your marriage? it it only limited to help in producing kids? does he not have any responsibility to provide you and your kids financial and emotional support? He is threatening you with divorce. Ask him to end that melodrama of divorce by serving you papers if he wants, instead of reminding you every time you both fight.

Don't keep quiet and tell his relatives about his divorce threatens and zero support. Tell him what you expect from him. List out your points and email him about your expectations.

Twinkel · Jul 22, 2013

hes such a loser!

Iamagoodgirl · Jul 22, 2013

Leave him now.

Rihana · Jul 22, 2013

Congratulations on the birth of you second one. While the birth of first baby is an experience in itself, the second birth is special and more enjoyable as the anxiety of the unknown is a little less. It is cute when siblings resemble each other.

Two babies within three years of marriage can put stress on even the happiest and strongest of marriages. If you got married to him, but he turned out to be not a very reliable husband, not a good provider, then why a baby, and after that why second baby so soon. And what is the point of sticking to tradition like second baby's expenses must be paid by husband's side. Isn't it effectively all your money given his ability to earn a living?

Looks like it has been a succession of wrong decisions. Try not to make divorce the next mistake. I might get brickbats for this, but try to look at some positives - they have not made a fuss about second one being a girl, MIL did come to hospital, husband came and paid the bill. Neighbor aunties helping with delivery, MIL not lifting the baby, husband and wife telling each other that they are adjusting only for sake of kids, talking about divorce, saying yes bring the papers, I will sign...all these things happen in the heat of the moment. Granted, it is not the best of marriages, but, divorce is a big step, and that too with two small kids. Think it over very peacefully. Give yourself some time to recover from the delivery. At least 5-6 months are going to be really busy and fly by with two little ones to care for.

Do not let divorce become one more wrong decision. If you do go for it, go after careful thought, after all desire to continue with this marriage is gone, because you want to, after trying all ways of making marriage work, and on your terms only.

Good Luck,
R