Narcissist

Hope is a big factor. There is hope that things will change, improve... it's tough to truly and totally let go of that hope that the spouse will change. And without that the woman won't be able to move forward.

Also as Indian women many want to keep the family structure intact. "He is not a bad father....." goes the common refrain.

Honestly, I am not sure the women really have good choice in this aspect - to be a single woman is tough, to be a working single mom raising kids!!!!! though many women are probably already in that space, within the facade of marriage.
Besides the logistics, a big worry is about the impact on children. If there is no physical abuse, most likely dad gets joint custody, and that really does not make anything easier. Every single thing becomes a tug of war. Yes, the woman can probably get free and gain space and get some peace - all very important and essential things - but it all comes with a hefty price - everything else will still be a constant battle. Until the children grow up, atleast. So it is a incredibly difficult choice. I suppose it depends the level of the spouse's narcissistic behavior, and each woman's individual capacity to deal with all this. But that again puts the woman in a tough spot - she still has to deal with all this, one way or other. No easy out here.
It feels so punitive, even when one gets out they are still not free. Once you attach yourself to a narcissist..


Women have always survived on their strength. Within marriage, outside the marriage. The older I grow the more I see how all the important things in life depend on the woman, her strength, her capacity. It is by acknowledging her own strength and asserting herself can she find her peace.
We seek an equal partner, we seek love, respect... financial sustenance maybe,maybe not... but we also need to operate from a space of strength.... not servitude.
We equate love with doing everything for family and self sacrifice - consciously or subconsciously. We need to learn to 'serve' our families out of our own strength and wellbeing...Just like how they say, healthy mother healthy child - it goes beyond just the pregnancy I think.
And we are learning... as a generation...setting boundaries, learning to prioritise self care..

The best antidote to a narcissist is a strong person who takes care of her/his own self. The narcissist deflates the moment you stop needing him/her for anything. When your actions reflect the truth that YOU are the center of your world, NOT THEM.

 

How the life of a better-half turns bitter is clearly brought out when the husbands are narcissistic. To bring around the narcissistic person, the remedies are not simpler, time consuming and enormous patience is to be exercised especially with kids or children around. Elsewhere in this forum, I had given my FB for a similar thread.

 

Is This Common in Indian Families?
I often wonder if the emotional imbalance I see in my relationships — where women carry the weight of patience, silence, and endurance — comes from the way many of us were raised.

In traditional Indian homes, men are often taught to lead, decide, and be obeyed. Women, on the other hand, are taught to adjust, serve, and maintain peace. Over generations, this pattern becomes so normal that even when something feels unfair, we hesitate to question it.

Fathers are often distant but authoritative. Mothers quietly sacrifice, showing love through service rather than emotional connection. Daughters grow up learning to find validation through approval, not through self-worth. So when these daughters marry, they sometimes end up with men who mirror that same pattern — controlling, emotionally unavailable, and resistant to change.

It’s not that all Indian men are the same — many are kind, gentle, and respectful. But the system we grew up in has encouraged emotional inequality. Change begins when we start to notice it, talk about it, and refuse to accept silence as peace.

Have you felt this pattern in your family too? Do you think it’s changing in today’s generation?

 

Quote
Dedicated to all my sisters
Who face a narcissistic Husband​

 

Yes, I’ve seen and felt this too. The weight of cultural expectations can be heavy, especially for women in traditional families.
But conversations like these give me hope that future generations will live more balanced and emotionally healthy lives.