Narcissist

Yes the interesting part is that they think it is normal ...!

 

Well described and put into words. But it is difficult to describe pain and loveless life one lives with narcissist partner. The mixed emotions it generates cannot be described easily to others or easy to take it lite.

Working on oneself, focusing on other areas of life. Trying to fill that void by trying to make friends but still one or the other time especially when low and don’t have control on emotion. Feels like it would have been nice if there was a loving/ caring partner.

 

Dear OP,
For those in relationship with a narcissist, everything you've written here about them is true. However, once you recognize that you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it's crucial to start focusing on yourself and your personal growth. It's clear that they are primarily concerned with their own comfort, using selfish and manipulative tactics to secure their own life. But who will look after the partner? Who will they rely on? Do they have a strategy for surviving this relationship? How do they keep there own sanity intact or are comfortable being exploited and used.
The husband(here) may be a narcissist. He is emotionally selfish but it is not a given that he is emotionally smarter than the partner. When she has the physical and mental strength to sacrifice her own interests and invest herself thoroughly in the marriage ,I bet she can the muster the strength enough for investing thought and time in her own well being.

 

not sure what prompted you to about this. my cousin has life like this. he mentioned this, unless one lives with a narc. one can never truly understand what it truly feels like.

the comparison with the child is accurate. Raising A child when is actual child at infant / toddler age is like a most self centered ( it is a very strong word) person, but unfortunately, a child does not know. it is trying to best for his/her survival. so tries to get the attention. a grown person who turns a narc, never learns to accept others . they are not selfish but they are self centered who think the world revolves around them.

this becomes very hard on the spouse / children. who are drained in feeding their needs. also they are very good in detecting positive energies. so no matter if you work on yourselves. they will find some conversation to feed on your energy and pull you down.

 

If you can advise and if she does listen. Ask her to not to spend too much on researching and over rumination. she can consider mild medication for 6 months. it does help a lot. Another PTSD symptom is over researching. my cousin and it did not stop till getting some medications mild serotonin. that is a real thing. basically if i say an example, like a grass is GREEN and you know and i know. But if i am a narc, i will make you believe it is BLUE and your inner self will conflict and make you mad. they are so good in mind games and very charismatic in fooling the world.

 

@chanchitra

It is important to find these kind of narcissists before entering into a relationship, if possible. It is always difficult to do that in Indian context unless there is a courtship period. However, even after the marriage, one should look for the following important indications of narcissist tendencies:

1) Vague language - Every time a question is asked, they respond with vague language that can be interpreted in many ways. It is intentional so that they can defend themselves if what they said turned out to be wrong.

2) Witholding information - Whatever information they have, they would not share freely. Besides, even if one probes them questioning to get a specific answer, they would stonewall that information.

3) Demand respect but don't give respect - They have tendency to demand respect without reciprocating it to the spouse. Even interactions with third party will emphasize the point that they should be treated with respect.

4) Tendency to throw someone under the bus - Mistakes are never owned by them and it is always someone who should take the blame for something going wrong, even if the spouse is never involved in the decision.

5) Self promotional talk - They can't stop praising themselves and expect others to also follow suit of their praise. No matter what subject is discussed, these people will turn it out to be something they have done so successfully.

6) They expect loyalty and not love - They always demand loyalty and expect nothing said about them in a derogatory manner. They don't have relationships based on love but based on who is loyal to them.

7) Lack of empathy - They genuinely have difficulty in understanding the trouble others are undergoing and failed to feel empathy for others. It is a genuine mental condition.

8) Sense of entitlement - They always feel they are entitled to others' time, property and everything else that belong to others.

9) Guilt-wrapping - This is an important strategy they use to control others by repeating the mistakes of others whether it is relevant and material or not. Guilt-wrapping is an important part in their behavior.

10) Lack of acceptance of criticism while they criticize others - They feel entitled to criticize others but they will never take criticism well. They always display self-important demeanor and an atittude of servitude from everyone around them.