Narcissism , Codependency , Misogyny

After years of analysis, I realize that my MIL is a covert narcissistic. It explained a lot of her behaviour. Heavy Attention seeking to the extent that she got jealous if anyone inasmuch just spoke to me, manipulation, narcissistic rage when needs are not met. Having an image that is too good to be true and then showing true colors which include lying. A need to control. Love bombing where they try to gain trust initially by giving gifts etc . The way she has controlled her son. Manipulating me into being a people pleaser for her, so that I am groomed to take care of her needs. Excessive spying on me, to see what I am doing always. This is to 'know the enemy' and plot accordingly. Deliberately bait and trigger me based on what irritates me. Since she is 'covert' she does it in extremly smart passive aggressive ways. She reminds me of a comic book evil genius.

SHe has brought up her son to be codependent on her. So, there is a parentification of the child. Where the child is a stand-in as a emotional spouse. And is made to feel guilty about providing for his mother . He sees her flaws, but cannot accept them in front of me, due to loyalty perhaps. He is also trauma bonded with her due to his fathers passing. This co dependency combined with narcissism triggers the guilt tripping she subjects him to. And the houlier than thou acting she needs to do , to keep him on her side.

She is insecure because she is not good enough, hence keeps trying to pull me down to assert her superiority.

All these are known psychologically studied issues. Along with that the misogyny that comes with indian culture, which makes them feel automatically superior to daughter in laws for no good reason and enforce patriarchy.

Some of us may want to look up these things, will help us understand behaviors in people around us.
Anyway, it is hard to be on guard all the time. I feel I cant keep two paces ahead of such people ever, because, I cant anticipate what they do. They are playing 3D chess I feel naïve sometimes and taken advantage of. I realize after months , years and sometimes decades later, how the situation was being manipulated. Don't know. I just thought that the world was a better place than this.