MyBlog- 64 (Things have changed between us...)

Hello dear ILites
Its been real long time since I visited IL or wrote a blog. I was away for good ... went to India on a long vacation . While in India we decided to get my mom and mom-in-law along with us to USA so that we get to spend some quality time with our elders. By doing this we also broke the myth of bringing our elders to USA only when WE need them ...mostly in case of pregnancy/illness. To be true, I was extremely glad because I use to feel too lonesome here. I was overjoyed with the thought of staying with mums, chitchatting with them all day and cooking delicacies for them. On my way back to USA, the only thought that was rolling in my mind was what all I can cook and serve them ...Gajar halwa, palak panner, jalebi, gulabjamoon,sarson the saag ...etc etc etc....I decided to treat them the best way possible and make their stay extremely enjoyable. I was sure my plans will work well coz I gel very well with my mom-in-law ...she has been very loving, open minded and friendly to me back in India ...and off course to get to stay with my mother for this long was a dream come true.

But somehow the situations have not been so smooth as I dreamt of...and yes you guessed it right...These difference occurred with my mom-in-law. I am sure we both were at mistake but I feel sorry that I am yet not able to bring back the joy we use to share earlier. I sincerely want to bridge the gap between two of us...but I am unable to do so and then I thought of taking suggestions from my dear IL friends..I am sure you will guide me the right thing and will help me revive my relations with my mother in law.

Things spiced up the moment we left home for Delhi Airport. I wore a jeans , jackets , shoes for a comfortable travel. The moment my mum-in-law spotted me not wearing a bindi and payal . She objected and got upset. I explained her that I do not wear bindi with western wear and payal will hurt me in tight shoes as we are on a long journey. Since then , from boarding our flight till USA arrival, she was quiet , she did not speak to me. When we took a taxi to home, I kept talking n showed fall colors to my mum and mum-in-law , but she seemed least interested.

After reaching home, she was alright, 3-4 days went in a jet lag. Though Myself n hubby tried to control our jetlag and be available for mums as and when they need us. First few days ,we use to stay awake according to their timings. Most of the days I cooked fresh food in the middle of the night to serve them hot food after they wake up. I tried providing all possible comforts to them. After a week, I geared up and started my morning by 6 am. serve breakfast to hubby, prepare tea for all. Assist them in bathing, clean up dishes, serve them hot n variety of breakfast, show them indian news and shows on the internet, take them around our apartment, show them grocery stores nearby , cook lunch , then evening snack and dinner along with special sweets. I was working hard happily to make them feel good in this new place.

I guess the only mistake while taking care of them was .... Whenever they offered a helping hand in kitchen, I often told my mother and mum-in-law to relax, enjoy and just chitchat along with me and I shall take care of daily chores.

My mom took this lovingly but my mum-in-law was hurt. On the very next day , when my hubby came back from work she started crying...she said that she is getting bored here in a week itself ...she cannot do anything here...Back at home she was always occupied and here she is getting bored all the time.

For a second , I was hurt coz I was doing everything to keep them occupied n happy all day long. my hubby heard her and asked me to let her do the kitchen work. I also agreed. Next day onwards I asked her if she will cook the breakfast , she happily came and prepared. The other day again I called her if she will prepare idli for us , she made it. Somewhere I felt uncomfortable asking her to do this or that. So i told her that mom ..you initiate the kitchen work and I shall help you.
The very next day she never came for kitchen work ....when the clock struck almost 10 am , I quickly prepared the breakfast. we all had and later during lunch hour also she never came on her own to the kitchen so again I prepared the lunch instead of calling her.

My concern is that my Mother suffers from Artheritis , she cannot stand and work in my kitchen so I never ask her , she usually sits n cut veges etc. Now when I am not seeking my mum's help , it looks awkward to daily call my mum-in-law for household work. So I started doing things myself, thinking if she will offer a helping hand I will involve her. Over the weekend , she again started complaining & crying to my hubby that 'she is getting bored here'

So Kitchen chores was one thing that she complained about. Next was my hubby...if I cook something , she will quickly comment..."Oh this dish my son will not eat", If suppose my hubby eats it , she will comment..."Oh my poor son, I know he had to eat all this unwillingly coz he never touched it in his childhood'...so on and so forth.

Next was whenever a neighbor friend comes over to our place and something she dislikes about her ...she will indirectly comment "This is what girls do these days ...They don't listen to elders ...They don't treat their husbands well ...They have no ethics etc etc.

All these situations to name a few have made my plans sour... I feel sad over her attitude and somehow that bitterness in showing in my attitude these days..I want to avoid but I have started answering to her wrong comments.
I know I must control my emotions but I am really upset because its just been 3 weeks , we have to live together for 3 months and All the more , my objective to make their stay pleasant is loosing somewhere...I am loosing all the enthusiasm.
I thought of talking with her one-on-one but I am worried that she should not feel insulted if I talk about what all wrong she is doing. I want to correct myself but still the things doesnt look the same anymore...We hardly talk n giggle the way it was back in India. I do not want her to carry a wrong impression of me. I want them to talk n be happy while they are here with us.

Please Help me...Tell me where am I wrong and How should I resolve this gap!

 

Thanks dear friends ...as suggested 'Today I tried involving her...I asked her to teach me how to make bitter gourd but her instant reply was 'ask your mom , she knows it better' I hate the situations I am into right now. The home environment is so dull. Festive season is coming up and I am loosing all enthusiasm. Yes as you all rightly said, I need to let few things go and gear up all over again...