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My Story In Womans Era - Let Him Learn The Hard Way!

Discussion in 'Varalotti Rengasamy's Short & Serial Stories' started by varalotti, Sep 8, 2006.

  1. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks, Purnima!

    Dear Purnima,
    I have always been amazed at the impications of the proverb, The child is the father of the man. Left to myself, I can write a book on this proverb explaining its various facets.
    The cold scientific fact is that the quality of the child is determined by its heredity and environment. But the fact that makes us shudder is that we parents provide them both.
    But as Gibran said emphatically, Your children are not your children. They do not come from you. They come through you.
    Glad that you liked the story,
    Varalotti
     
  2. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Be Proud of Your son, Anjana!

    Dear Faultless one,
    You should be legitimately proud of your son. Your son, I think, is growing up as faultless as you are.
    It is perfectly okay for him to be responsible. You need to just check whether he is happy and outgoing. If he is not you should be worried. If he is happy, playful and moves well with others but refuses costly toys and gadgets, you can justifiably lift your collars in pride. Your son has been brought up well.
    Dont try to artificially implant the needs in him. Leave him as he is.
    Celebrating small victories is something relevant for us adults as well. When you achieve something have a small celebration. It could be even a small dance in the kitchen floor when no one is noticing. That way the victory is reinforced in your mind and you will be naturally inclined to achieve more.
    Thanks for the appreciation, Anjana.
    L
    sridhar
     
  3. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Vidhukumar

    Dear Ms.Vidhukumar,
    That's true. We always treasure those objects that come to us the hard way. That's why hard earned money stays longer with us whilst windfalls are often frittered away on useless things.
    thanks for your appreciation, Madam.
    sridhar
     
  4. Ushakrishnan64

    Ushakrishnan64 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar,
    An absolutely touching story!!
    This story reminded me of an incident when I was trying to explain the value of money to my ten year old son. I was explaining to him that we came from a middle class family and my father would not have much money left in his wallet at the end of the month. He calmly nodded his head and replied: " I can understand. Thatha did not have an ATM machine in the neighbourhood"!!:-D
    You have set a good role model in Rahul's mother.
    Regards
    USHA KRISHNAN
     
  5. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    That's Cute, Usha!

    Dear Usha,
    thanks for the nice words. Your sons words are quite cute. It reflects his innocent charm and at the same time speaks volumes about the sacrifices made by the earlier generation to bring us up to this stage.
    What all psychiatrists and counsellors advise is just this - teach the child about the value of postponement of gratification. I follow a simple rule. I don't allow any impulsive buying by my daughter unless it is for good books or regular necessities. I make her give at least a day's notice.
    Your son's reply reminds me of another incident which happened when my NRI friend visited the local temple. He asked his eight year old US-born son to slip some coins into the Temple Hundi. The son obeyed. We all started to move. The son was still standing before the Hundi. When asked he replied non-chalantly,
    "Dad somebody should fix this vending machine. The coke has not yet come."
    Used to dropping coins at the vending machines back home he thought some goodies would pop out of the Hundi. We all had a hearty laugh. And I had a realisation that we elders treat God as such vending machines and after prayer we look for goodies to drop from heavan.
    regards,
    sridhar
     
  6. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar,
    really touching story. Please translate in Tamil and send to some magazine. The parents of Chennai sure need this story to at least jolt them out of their minds. I see many parents just spoiling their children, even people who cannot afford.
    My friend bought her daughter a mobile phone this year just when she joined college. The connection was of a fancy company, on the insistance of the girl, she says 1000 sms free for a month. These people are taking loans left, right and center to meet their needs. I told them to tell their daughter that they could not afford it. But the false prestige would not hear it. The first month bill was 1700 Rs. The second month it was 1400. Above this, the girl did not have time to talk with her parents, she ws always punching furiously into the mobile, answering to the sms she receives till midnight. When the bill ran like this, they did not recharge. Now again after a lull, she has been given the machine.
    It is natural that we feel that our children should getthe best in life, but keeping in mind the impressioin such behaviour will have on the child's character, we must restrict ourselves. My hubby wants to spoil our son, but I make it a point to tell my son how hard it is to earn money. Sometimes, he asks for books or games which are costly, but I explain to him and he understands. Even then, I feel that my son should be made to realise the worth of money in a better manner. And I think, I can follow the method of the mother in the story.
    As I read Usha's son's reply, I remember this- we were explaining the importance of studying well to my son when he was around 8 years. We had a second hand Fiat car then. We told him that only if he studies well, he will get a good job. Then he can buy a beautiful house and a good car. Then he said, ' mummy, why do we need another car? We already have a car in our house.' I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2006
  7. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar,
    As usual a touching story , bringing tears to the eyes at the same time emphasising the importance f educating our little ones.....great job. Like some as said, translate and send it in tamil also.....this needs to be learnt by many parents....
    And like Anjana, i seem to have a problem with a too goody a daughter, dont know if i shoud feel proud, since i feel sometimes she cuts down on a lot of things which her age people take as normal.....it does worry me so much sometimes! Of course she never asks for anything ,and according to the culture here is also insisting that she earn her way , which has made us say a strong no! Well, and i dont take any credit in parenting, since she did not give ask for anything when she was a kid also.....so am not able to relate to these days kids, ...but have seen it happening with friends of course.
    Good thought , needed very much for this generation parenting!
     
  8. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    A sweet story

    Dear Sridhar,

    Once again had the pleasure of reading a very touching story. Brought tears to my eyes. The setting and incidents were very realistic and sweet.
    I waited to read this story till this evening. I knew a story from you should be read with full attention and it was possible only now and it was a pleasure worth waiting for.
    Like all the other mothers, many incidents that happened between me and my girls come to mind.
    At the beginning, when I realised my german friends 'paid' their kids whenever they did chores for them like weeding or doing the dishes, it enraged me. I used to proudly say that I did not believe in paying my kids to do those chores as it was their own home and they too had a part in running it. But slowly I realised the value of this 'payment'. Besides learning the value of money, they also realise that money has to be earned.
    Thanks for sharing one more story of yours with us.

    L, Kamla
     
  9. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks, Varloo, Sudha and Kamla

    Dear Varloo, Sudha and Kamla,

    Thanks for the words of praise which I know comes directly from your hearts. As I am never tired of telling that is the only remuneration for a writer. When you said, Kamla, that the story brought tears to your eyes, well the sleepless night spent before the system writing the story suddenly appeared very sweet.

    Sudha, I am happy to learn that your daughter, (should be in her late teens now, I suppose) cuts down on her needs and expenses. This is a crucial training which will stand her in good stead for all time to come.

    Parenting per se is not a difficult task. Like house cleaning and cooking, you do not allot a specific time for parenting. But if we are good when our children are around that by itself is an excellent parenting exercise.

    Wise people say, "Never worry that your children do not listen to you; worry that they are watching you."

    Along with this story I wrote another story on the other extreme - a very bad case of parenting. It is being adjudged for a competition. When the results are out, I will post that story.
    thanks for your nice words.
    It gives me a feeling of pride to learn that all of you are blessed with good children. Thank God, I mean, do it right now.
    thanks,
    sridhar
     
  10. Eljaype

    Eljaype Bronze IL'ite

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    belated reply

    Dear Varalotti,

    I had read your story in the Women's Era August issue itself. But then, I didn't know you. I joined IL only this month.
    Suddenly I realised while I was going through your short stories list, about the story' Let him learn the hard way'.
    Only what we learn through the hard way stays with us and we'll also know the true value of the work done. If he had got the money from his parents easily, he wouldn't have known the value of money and wouldn't have parted with it for a noble cause. Rahul had the mind to do what he did because he knew and learnt how difficult it is to earn the money. So he decided to spend the money wisely.
    You also brought out the confusions of a mother's mind very well.
    Thank you for such a nice story. Well done.
    Latha :clap
     

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