My Story As An Egg Donor

I don’t remember exactly how I first heard about egg donation, I think it might have been from a radio ad. I remember hearing I could be compensated five thousand for a donation. Being a young single mom that was a lot of money at the time so of course, that was what originally caught my attention. However, even more than that the concept fascinated me.

I was captivated with the thought that a couple out there would think highly enough of me, that they would choose my genetics to have a baby. It was an incredible thought but, having just heard about egg donation for the very first time the whole process was pretty foreign and scary. I researched it but never pursued it.

A year later, my dear co worker started having fertility issues. She got pregnant on her own but miscarried at six months. She cried, I cried… I was heart broken for her and had no way to fix it.

Some time later she confided in me that her and her husband were going to use an egg donor to have a baby. I was the only one she told. I remembered a year ago when I thought about donating eggs… I finally decided to apply with a local egg donation agency.

The application was 27 pages long. It had a lot of questions about my personality, my education, my childhood, my reproductive and sexual history, my health history my families health history… I seriously felt like I was applying for the CIA., but the whole time I was filling the application out I kept imagining a couple reading over my profile and thinking to themselves “She’s the one!!!”.

After completing my profile and submitting it, I never heard anything. Once again, I kind of forgot about it.

Four or five months later, out of the blue someone from the agency called and told me there was a couple interested in my profile. I remember asking her “I’m sorry, WHO is this?” because I didn’t understand what she was telling me.

“A couple has chosen you as their egg donor!” she repeated.

I got off the phone I did a happy dance of excitement which was quickly followed up with wondering what I had just gotten myself into.

Most egg donations are anonymous so donor and the couple do not exchange contact information or meet. However, I did get to correspond with the couple that chose me through the agency. I fell in love with them and wanted to do everything in my power to help them.

The first step was a bunch of medical tests and psychological screening. I was in deep.

Once I passed all of those tests I had to sign legal agreements with the couple. It outlined parentage (ie they would be considered the rightful parents of any children born using my eggs) my compensation for my time and effort to complete the cycle, and outlined what my obligations were.

Once the legal contracts were signed I was allowed to start the medications which required injecitons.

Yeah… injections… I knew before I started this that injections were going to be a part of it. I totally thought I could handle that… But reality is always a very different thing when it’s staring you in the face!

I remember sitting in the nurses office where they showed me how to give myself the injections into my belly. A box of medications and syringes was sitting on the table next to me. I was supposed to take that box home with me after I learned how to do them. In my head I ran out of that office screaming and telling them there was no way I was going to be able to do this. I was on the verge of backing out.

I told myself “You can do this"

I brought the box of scary needles home with me. When I gave myself that first injection I barely even felt it. I was relieved, but felt silly for being so worried about it.

I gave myself injections for about 10 days and had to go to the clinic 4 or 5 times for blood work and ultrasounds so they could determine when the follicles were large enough to schedule retrieval. Once my eggs were at a certain size I was instructed to take what is called a trigger shot to give and retrieval was scheduled about 36 hours later.

The retrieval procedure wasn’t painful. I showed up about an hour before the procedure. In my hands was a gift I had brought for the intended parents I was donating to full of gender neutral baby items like bibs, blankets, and a teddy bear. I was so certain this was going to work for them and they were going to have the baby they always dreamed of. I left the gift bag with the IVF nurses to give to them.

When it was finally time for the procedure I was placed under IV sedation so I was asleep when they aspirated the eggs. I went home about an hour after my procedure and recovered fine. Sure, there was work, some inconvenience, some minimal pain but I knew it was all worth to give this couple a baby.

Not long after my first donation was chosen by another couple. This couple actually lived in Canada so I got to travel to Montreall where I completed my second donation. I was so excited.

Upon completion of my second cycle I got the devastating news that neither one of my donations worked. I was shocked. For some reason in my uninformed nature I really though Egg donation was a solid recipe for success. I had never considered the possibility of it not working out.

I was heartbroken for them. I also wondered what that meant for me and my own chances of ever getting chosen again as an egg donor. I kept wondering if I had done something wrong, or if there was anything I could have done differently. Both IVF clinics said the eggs looked fine, so they really didn’t know what happened but I still felt guilty. I felt cruel for giving them hope and then it not working out, like it was somehow my fault. I offered to do another cycle for both couples for free. I didn’t want to receive any compensation I just wanted to help them get pregnant. I was willing to try again. The first couple declined, but the second couple from Canada said yes! So, I flew back to Canada where I completed my third donation and for whatever reason, it worked that time. They got pregnant with twins! I was so happy and relieved. I finally felt like I had really helped someone.

After that I completed four more donation cycles which I’m told were all successful.

Some people have asked me if it feels strange knowing there are children out there that are genetically related to me that I’ve never met. It’s not strange. It’s wonderful. I know there are children and families out there that exist specifically because of me, and that makes me happy beyond measure.

All of my donations were anonymous but I did get to meet one of the couples I donated to. They were a sweet Indian couple from the east coast. They have sent me a few photos of their daughter. This was of the most rewarding experiences to me. I got to be there when the intended mother got the phone call from the clinic to tell her they had retrieved 20 eggs from me. I remember how she burst into tears and couldn’t even talk on the phone anymore. They had been on their fertililty journey for years. When she got off the phone, while still crying tears of joy, she gave me the biggest hug and it’s a moment I’ll never forget.

Is it weird seeing pictures of them? No, not at all. It is odd to be able to pick out certain features that look like me, but I never think of them as my own children. They are the children of the families I’ve helped.

I’ve thought about what I might say to one of my donor-conceived children if I ever got the opportunity to meet any of them. Of course, that’s unlikely since most of them were anonymous, but what if I ever did get to meet one of them? I would hug them. I would tell them I love them. I would want to tell them how amazing their parents are to have gone through so much to bring them into this world.

At the end of the day, there are many ways I can contribute to this world but I feel this is one of the most unique and impactful ways that make me proud of my lifes journey.

My love of helping infertil couples led me to make this my career. Today I work for An Angel’s Gift Egg donation agency. By sharing my story I want to get rid of the stigma that surrounds the subject of infertility because it is super common within the Indian and Asian community, yet it’s the least talked about.

Becasue there is stigma, it is hard to find East Indian women to help these families too. I really wish more people would be open to sharing their stories of infertility, or helping these families if they are able to do so. I wish more East Indian women were willing to donate their eggs. Even though women get six thousand to ten thousand dollars for their effort to help these couples, they are scared to tell their family they are helping infertile couples in this way. If there is anyone else out there who has ever donated their eggs I hope you share your story.

If you are a couple or a momma trying to get pregnant, I hope you tell others your story becasue maybe they are struggling with infertility too.

 

Thank you Geeta Egg donation is foreign concept for some but I hope to raise awarness

 

Hi Rihana! There is - the recommendation is typically 6 maximum in a womans life, although some women have donated up to 8 times. It depends on the clinic and the situation. If you were ever interested by chance in considering it you could apply at the agency I work with - An Angel's Gift - however there are some criteria (like being between age 21-33, can't be a smoker, and must be height/weight proportionate among some other things but those are a couple of the basics).

 

Thank you Anusha! I am so sorry your mother and sister advised you not to tell anyone about your IVF. Infertility is a disease that affects people in a way that hurts the mind, body and soul. The ability to procreate is a human right that some people just don’t have, for unfair reasons we will never understand but it is no different from any other disease which we have no control over. Making a baby is something our bodies should just ‘know how to do’ but yet… some women feel betrayed by their bodies that don't do this basic thing. You are a strong woman and there are so many just like you and you are not alone. You should never suffer by yourself because there are so many who feel the same as you who also think they have to suffer alone <3 you are loved!