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My son's heart is stolen

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nitasen3, Jul 13, 2013.

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  1. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    But 50% Indian guys parents never allow their wives to work. They want her to serve them. They want the girl to be educated. At the end of day, her education will be used for teaching her grade 2 kid[​IMG]
    I don't fully agree Lukywife, as I think most families these days understand the importance of work , education , status and money.....I am not talking from my family perspective because my family belongs to the 50% you are talking about. But I have seen my friends inlaws who support them a lot so that they can make their lives much better......

    Should women work only due to economic condition? If the economic condition is very good, is it not necessary for the girl to work?

    Ofcourse it is necessary as I told you it is the responsibility of both spouses to contribute equally, but again many a time situations are need based......If there is necessity choice is much less isn't?

    By accepting they can emotionally blackmail their son.

    Don't take me otherwise but we have preconceived idea that all inlaws are bad and they are experts in emotional blackmailing.....I think its not always....There are good inlaws also.

    As far as I know in our state, if the girl is dusky, her parents have to pay more dowry

    Yes I agree this exists in some states in India, but again not in all.....Some progressive families dare to think otherwise.....Even in India there are families who do not give or accept dowries....But emphasis is given on educating the children....Skin color do not play a very major role.

    Anyways Im sorry I don't think our posts have much of a relevance to OP's thread here.....These will remain ever debatable.
     
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  2. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Nita,

    Couple of questions (future scenarios of your DIL):
    1. What if the girl does B.Sc. then does MBA. Will it be acceptable instead of engineering?
    2. You said she should be working. Which is good. But why must she be from a 'wealthy' family?
    3. Is it ok if her family is relatively poor, but still they educated their daughter to their and her best capacity? And she earns well now?
    Will such a girl be okay for your son?
     
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  3. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Rakhii, Thank you for being the voice of reason in this thread. I was exactly thinking the language semantics when I read the OP's first plst and did not think she deserved all the brickbats going back and forth.

    All, I understand that y'all provide valuable advice to people with issues... but I don't get this kind of bullying some posters are subject to if the majority doesn't agree with the premise of the thread. What is the point in calling out the OP's older threads and cross referencing etc.? I found many, many posts on this thread to be extremely insensitive not just to the OP, but many others...like the distorted picture or the comment to get the son married to some one without hair etc. I don't mean to sound preachy, but had to say this! Why are you all ganging up on someone you perceive as being a troll?
     
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  4. zainabsarfraz

    zainabsarfraz Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Nita,
    Im sorry for offending you. I know i went way beyond my limits. Im really sorry.
    Ok now on serious note, if this story is true then please talk to your son and assure him that you will accept his choice but only if he promises to complete his studies. What else will a mother wish than seeing her son live happily. And money is like dust it comes and goes but love is which lingers eternally.
     
  5. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    I have not gone through all the post, so sorry if I missed some points. Being a mother of a son exactly same age as your son, I would suggest don't make a big issue of it now. If you talk about it too much, he will have to focus on it even more. Instead, find ways to motivate him to do well in his studies. At this age, people can fall in and out of love quite easily. Let him do his own learning. If she is the right girl for him, then you should be glad, if she is not then they might not take it forward at all. If you put pressure on him now, he will be more conflicted, he will lose focus on his career and he might as well revolt. Just advise him to take his time before making any serious decision. Also, it's very difficult to retrain the kids after they have grown up. He already has some values that he has learnt from his parents(you and your DH, and your DH's values might be different from yours). Now, you can not possibly influence his thinking much. My 2 cents.
     
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  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    this was the point that caught me off hand. no questions asked about her being protective of her son, being cautious, being ambitious for her son's future.

    I have taken lot of consideration on the language barriers, the comprehensive presentation of thoughts.
     
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  7. nitasen3

    nitasen3 Silver IL'ite

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    Monita thanks for your advice....When he is asked about the girl he says there is nothing between them but when I saw his FB profile he has so many pictures of the girl , tagged by her. Also his FB profile says he is engaged to her....I got to know that she is 5 years older than him.....Now I don't know whether to wish this affair to be serious or to wish it to let go......If it goes it will leave a mark on him ( he is the sentimental kinds) and if its a serious relationship, is it workable? Most of you will think now Im being conservative but I don't know how to handle....Only one thing all these should not divert his mind from studies....My husband seems to be not aware of all these.....
     
  8. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    No, you are not being conservative. It is a very real fear for any mother, but you can't really do anything, if you are too nosy, you will only end up messing his head. If he says there is nothing serious between them, believe him and keep your fingers crossed. These days kids tag all their friends, and do silly things on FB. Don't worry about it too much.
     
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  9. MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    We are not ganging up against OP, but her first post really puts us off as its discriminatory. She wants a well educated dil which is fair..but why only engrg and why is wealth mentioned. Is she thinking of asking for dowry...

    She really reminds us of evil mils that we have to deal with who always feel we are not good enough for their sons.

    If her son really loves the girl, why must she think of ways to separate them. Normal mothers do not have such intentions. She is in the making of an evil, possessive mil.

    Not only this post, her other posts also reflect her as a mercenary person. As such, some posters had to quote her other posts.
     
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  10. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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    Call me slow, but I was completely unaware that educating a daughter so that she earns well is the new euphemism for dowry in modern India. This thread is an eye-opener. Thanks OP.
     
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