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My son has become stubborn...

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by muskaanys, Apr 29, 2010.

  1. muskaanys

    muskaanys New IL'ite

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    Please can somebody pour in some suggestions.....

    My son is 3 years n 2 months old now... From past 15 days he is going to KG1... In the begining he vried very much to go to school.. but after 1 week he adjusted there and is happy to go..

    Now, the problem is, he has started beating me... before he never used to.. Now he wants all his demands to be fulfilled...like the moment he says he want cartoon... i should stp whtever i am watching and i should put cartoon for him or else he will pinch me (I donno frm where he learnt to pinch)... yesterday same thing happened and i have marks of that still...

    I cant hit him also as he is very loving and caring. Even if my DH speaks to me in high tone, MOMMY WILL FEEL BAD, DONT DO THAT, and he keeps asking me if iam in kitchen, SHALL I HELP U MOMMY etc...

    While going to school, he is very happy and always kisses me on both sides, never forgets this and even after returning he never forgets to kiss me.

    But if i dont give him whtever he says thn from past 1 week, he has started to beat me...

    I tried hitting him back... he cries very badly as keeps asking me... u hit me na.. y did u hit me and all which makes me cry..

    so yesterday i showed him candle with flame and told him that if he hits me i will put this... so i put 2-3 drops on his hand.... thn he cried very badly... but as soon as i called him to me he came and started asking me... y u hit me . y did u hit me and which made me cry with him for 10 min...


    Please help me ... ...
     
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  2. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    I just cannot imagine a mom doing this.He is a kid and how could you ever do this.You have totally put me off.Look at the kid's inncocence.He comes and hugs you even after that.That is the reason elders say Kids and God have same quality.Look at that inncocent small body.He needs a mom and not a hitler.Just spare him.All will go well.:rant
     
  3. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Muskaanys,

    Are you in the right state of your mind? Pouring hot wax on a 3 yr old?!!! Does not matter whether you cried with him after or before. For God's sake, come to senses. I am sorry about my tone, I can't help it.

    You can discipline a child without even raising your voice. But before you even worry about that toddler, I would suggest you rethink your belief in spanking the kid.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2010
  4. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    2-3 drops on his hand????

    what was it? drops of wax? sorry if I mistook what you meant.
     
  5. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    I just had to step away from this thread for some minutes to calm myself!

    Here are some tips:
    When your '3 yr old' DS throws a fit,
    like for example, he demands a cartoon at odd hour,
    let him watch it that one time. But lay the rules: "From Tomorrow, We will watch cartoon only at this certain hour".
    Remind him of the rule on and off that day. Get him to agree.
    Next time when he throws a fit and demands TV,
    Hold his hands in an assuring way. Look at his eyes and speak calmly.
    Tell him, "DS, Did you forget what we decided Yesterday? This is not the time to watch. You can either read a book or play with mommy or cry at that corner."
    Be gentle yet firm. Let him choose.

    It worked well with my kid. He listens to me if I make sense. Yes, if I can give him a logical reasoning, he accepts it. Kids do reason out things and they learn fast.

    So instead of under-estimating your toddler by resorting to 'punishments - the barbaric ways' believe in his capability to understand 'actions and consequences'. When you yell/hit/pour hot wax(sorry, I am still not out of that shock) that LO is hearing your actions much more than your words.

    After few tries, you both will learn to handle yourselves and each other.

    Good Luck!
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2010
  6. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    Muskaan. You are the adult in the relationship. I dont see why you need to let your child hurt you or hit you. When he is getting physically violent, put a distance between you and him, restrain him, give him a time out to calm himself down. If you are angry yourself, give yourself a time out before you deal with the situation.
    I know branding with hot ladle/candle wax and belts were all used once upon a time to discipline children, today it can bring you a hell a lot of trouble and borders on abuse. So find a way to handle your anger and guilt as the adult in the relationship, count to 10, take a deep breath, take yourself away from the room, switch off the TV (actually totally avoid TV if you can: cartoons are very violent and yet you wonder where he could have learned to be violent.) Teach him to count to 10, show him other ways of handling frustration like may be pummeling his pillow or have a good cry or just run off his frustration around the apartment block. Get him a book on managing anger that is meant for 3 year olds. (I just got one for my son too.)
    I have a 3 year old who never went through terrible twos. Three happened and he is constantly trying to push boundaries. It is a challenge to show them the boundaries without losing your cool, but isnt that what an adult should do?
    If you are going to condition your child into accepting physical punishment as the only way of handling someone who does not agree with you then what is to stop him from hitting you when he is the adult and you are dependent on him. IMO, childhood corporal punishment is the reason for the increase in reportage of elder abuse. Break that cycle of violence now.
     
  7. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    ohhh I thought I didnt understand it right.. when I wrote my post no one had replied to this thread and look at the time I took to read and re-read the OP, before actually submitting my post.. ohh Muskaan were you thinking you were doing something right?
     
  8. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Muskaan,

    Everybody else has given good pointers.

    I would just like to know, why is he behaving violent. there is a difference between being stubborn and violent. he is just 3.2. is he the only child at home??

    wanting his way around and refusing to be denied is different.

    did you find out if something has happened at school, like being reprimanded to stop crying and sit in one place or something on those lines.
    a child who did not know how to pinch does not learn just like that. it is something he observes.

    If you are frustrated at not being able to solve the puzzle, remember you are not alone, lot of us go through this phase of solving what works best with our child. take time, observe your child, talk to him, play with him, and do find out what is troubling him. maybe some other child or a teacher with whom he is not happy. these things may look trivial, but do affect the child.

    coming to the candle bit, I don't have anything to say...I know of parents who abuse the child and then put medicines, cuddle and try to erase their own guilt by doing things. it is a vicious cycle. do not go into that, it not only harms your emotional quotient, it will also make your child more aggressive in the end.
     
  9. muskaanys

    muskaanys New IL'ite

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    Thaaannnx shanthi a bunch....


    U know from yesterday i was soo disappointed at the thought that i did like that with my child.... It is easy to hurt ourselves but very difficult to punish our child (who is our life itself)

    No mom wants to hurt or punish her child.... but the situation....I have clearly mentioned that my child was never like that and this was a drastic change from 1 week... which i had to stop...

    by reading everybody's comment i felt more guilty and knew nothing ...

    From morning i was waiting on this thread to read some piece of advice or the steps to be taken further...I knew what i had done was worst... that is the reason i posted here for spme suggestions...

    Nobody could understand what iam going through... at last there was one who could feel what iam going through....

    Whn i told my hubby about this... he din scold me or anythng becoz he knew how i love my child or struggle for him from morning 6 to night 11...
    Instead he told me that he will take me to school in tha afternoon to discuss with his class teacher...Because children copy and grasp easily

    I spoke to the teacher and she told me that there is a child who is not willing to adjust at all in the school and whn his mom accompanys him in the class, that boy slaps his mom, pinches her.

    Today whn i went to get him back from school, i got to know this and i told my story to the teacher.

    So she told me that they have asked their parent to get him back after few days....

    Thanx once again

    shanti
     
  10. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    muskaan,

    It is good to know, that the problem was at school.

    this is a classic example of how children absorb and imitate.

    But let me tell you hurting your child, whatever be the mistake does not warrant abuse from us. i don't advocate spanking or hitting. learn to control your anger/frustration and remember he is a child who is still learning to assert that he is a grown up...

    I have seen one parent in my apartment when i was in muscat, just putting a hot rot on the thigh of her 3 year old, the child came running to our home crying that her mom did it..when i asked the mom, why she did it, she said, that her child did not listen to her, and was pestering her and not giving her a moment of peace (she was actually exaggerating and expecting too much from her child, as i have never seen a more disciplined child) and the reason she did it on the thigh is it will not show out..i was like OMG for many days.. in this case, we were there as neighbors where the girl could run to and cry for attention.

    when we stay away from the support system, we need to be cautious of punishing a child even verbally, as the child needs to vent it out.

    sorry, the first post was to just tell you i could relate to your guilt, and did not want to add to it. this post is just to show, that from a third person and a mom it looks really bad. and kids never forget this type of abuse.
     

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