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My Sister's marriage - Advice please

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Apr 9, 2010.

  1. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    This is regarding the marriage proposals of my younger sister, who is now 24 yrs old.
    She is not working and will never work, as she is not interested in any career and always wanted a stay back home type life.

    My parents are seriously looking for a potential groom for my sister, but it seems the work is not so easy.

    They received a couple of nice matches, but unfortunately no one is perfectly matching with my sister's demands - which is not unreasonable.

    My dad has gifted a very big home (with furniture) to my sister next to my momma's home. At the same time, both myself and my brother lives in the same area.. Most of our relatives too settled there, so my sister demands that she will never go to any locations afater marriage - Which means, my sister prefers to live in a nuclear family with her new husband in her new house, which was gifted by my dad. So that, she doesn't have to worry about joint families or ILs issues.

    Moreover, being a last child of our home, she has been pampered by everyone at home. She just cannot think of a life in a new place by leaving all this familar faces.

    But for her unfortunate, we just could not locate any suitable groom with all the relevant qualifications such as education, religion, family background, descipline, career, physical apprearence plus this demand of staying with her in our town/home.

    We recently found two grooms. Both meet our requirements and are ready to adjust with her demand. They even OK with non working wife. So we were really happy, as our work load was just reduced to select only one from these two (as my sister doesn't want to take any initiative in this regard, so requested us (me, brother and mom) to take care of everything).

    The first groom is a Bank Manager in India. He is too tall - hight - 6'2", whereas my sister is only 5'2". So, there is a huge difference in their hight - and my sister doesn't want to wear heals all the time.

    The second groom is working in Soudi Arabia as a Manager, reasonable hight and appears to be a good match to my sister.
    He doesn't wanna continue to work in SA after marriage, hence he said he will look for jobs in India, or else start a business (probably transport) here.
    Me and my mom are 100% Ok with him, as he looks like a nice guy.

    But my sister and brother are not happy with our agreement, as they still concerned about this guy's future career. Because they think his career is unsure in India, and my sister also going to stay at home all the time. They could not relt on this guy's plans, as he says he will find jobs or start a business in India after marriage which is highly unpredictable.

    On the other hand, my brother has a girl friend, and it seems he is in a hurry to fix his marriage sooner. But as an elder brother, he wants to marry off our sister before he plans his life. My mom too thinks the same as he is the only male member in my FOO at present (my dad is nomore), and it is not nice to expect him to concentrate on his sister's matter after his marriage.

    I don't think we should let these proposals go by findling faults like this, because my sister is getting old.. moreover we can't keep my brother wait for her anymore.

    My sister is a total dependant, so she will never find her own life like us.. So, we need to do something now.

    What do you think ladies? What should I say?
     
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  2. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Tugga,

    My opinion go with the bank manager.So what if he is tall.That means next gen has a chance of having good height :).

    He is well settled..the other guy has no future yet.

    Other than career choices I don't know anything so this is JMO.

    FL
     
  3. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Out of the two guys, maybe the bank manager is better, because he is already settled in his career.

    One of my uncle is a bank manager and he gets transferred every 3-4 years. Guess bank managers are not allowed to work with a branch for more than 4 years. If that is the case, see if your sis is ok with it.
     
  4. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    I would choose Bank manager, we dont get everything in life, physical appearance we have to give least importance, I am 5'2" and my husband is 6'0.

    SK.
     
  5. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Tugga, me too... for the bank guy since he is already settled in his career.
    If your sister was serious about her career then you could go for the other guy who was trying his hand at business. Even though he seems a good guy but a steady income is needed when there is only one earning member here.
    Don't bother height.

    Even Amitabh Bachan and Jaya Bahaduri have huge height difference....
    They still look good as a couple...:rotfl

    Good luck
     
  6. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Bank Manager it is, Tugga!
    Except for wearing heels, no issues there. ;-)
     
  7. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Tugga,
    As such, arranged marriage is a fud. ( I will vouch for that :) )
    On top of that, you are asking IL folks (who have no in-person idea about the groom) for which will be better? :)

    Oh well, since arranged marriage is a throw of the dice anyway - you might as well ask, and we might as well answer :crazy (Notice I'm refraining from actually answering, lol! I dont believe in giving recommendation to others on who someone else esp. someone I personally dont know needs to marry - thats too big a decision and the individual needs to be 100% comfortable with the decision)

    Even if Bank Manager marries - what if 2-3 years down the lane, his plans change and he wants to go to a different city in India or abroad etc. You cannot predict all this.

    Ask your sister to ensure she can feel good compatibility with the potential groom. That is the most important thing. All other situational things will change, and thats not what married life is about.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2010
  8. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with Spiderman ... your sister should talk to both guys and figure out who she feels more mentally compatible with. This is what will make her marriage work in the long run. Career is just one facet of life, if you cannot have love, trust and faith in your life partner, a hot career cannot salvage your marriage.

    BTW Spiderman1, I think love marriage is also just as big a gamble as arranged marriage. Dating a person is quite different from living with a person!
     
  9. Sunny3

    Sunny3 New IL'ite

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    I would say the same as spiderman and pmahensa that your sister should talk to both guys and decide. I am sure you will do that but in the meantime if you want to know what we think giving us both the cases, I will go for the already settled guy.....the bank guy.

    Yes, pmahensa, me too think that any marriage is a gamble be it love or arranged. I hear more complaints from love marriages than arranged ones.....atleast till now I heard so.
    So what is the other option? They live for some days together and find out if they are compatible? Personally, I don't find living together before marriage appealing. Is there still any guarantee that they will live happily once they get married??
    People need to realize that no couple can be 100% compatible or any marriage 100% perfect. We need to make adjustments in every stage of life.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2010
  10. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Sunny3 in my opinion, the difference between arranged and love marriage is that in an arranged marriage you can blame your parents if the marriage does not work out, whereas in a love marriage, you have no one to blame but yourself!

    It takes greater adjustment I believe in a love marriage, because you are supposedly walking into it with your eyes open and brain attuned that this person will behave a certain way. When you actually start living with the person and discover it ain't so, it is a bigger shock than walking into an arranged marriage where everything is unknown.

    I base my opinion on the fact that no matter how well you know a person, or how mentally attuned you are, when you start living together, that is when you learn a few new things about that person which can, in some instances be a deal-breaker.

    As for live-in's, I think it depends on the couple's maturity level. If they are committed to each other, then why not? But if it is for the purpose "lets figure out if we are compatible" then definitely not! Atleast not in Indian society I think. I have a few friends who lived-in prior to getting married and I saw no differences between myself and them wrt commitment.

    You are right about committment and adjustment. Both are required for any relationship to work, be it with your spouse, your child or your in-laws!
     

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