My sister's and my family set-up? Which do you think is right?

pingme · Mar 28, 2010

Thanks to all who replied.

I asked my sister so many times and she says she is fine and happy with this setting. She said if I knew they are interfering, nosy inlaws then I wouldn't have invited them to live with us in the first place.

My sister is a straight shooter. She is not like me who hesitates to speak her mind. She is clear cut in her preferences and priorities. And she makes sure every one knows each other's preferences in the same way.
They have work assigned to each one including their inlaws and so she does not find burdened by all the housework. Her FIL's duty is to get milk on his way back from his morning walk, MIL makes tea/coffee while sister and family get ready to leave. Sister fixes breakfast and lunch for their lunch boxes. Later in the day MIL prepares lunch for just the two of them FIL and MIL.

Evenings, Sister prepares dinner while FIL takes care of the grandkid's homework. Her dh comes at 7pm so he does not find time to supervise kids homework. If there are days when inlaws do not eat rice then MIL prepares their own dinner like some upma, light food.
They have a maid to help them too with housework. Her inlaws love gardening so they take care of the garden. When sister and husband go out for dinner /movies just the two of them, then her inlaws look after the kids and put them to bed. If inlaws have to go out for shopping they both go and do their own clothes, other shopping.
It is kind of like two families living independently but again together. I like when I see how they all do it in a cordial way.

I asked my dh also many times and he has left the decision to me.
SriVidya, may be I will try what you said. My child's birthday is coming up. They will be here on the day and I will ask them to stay back for couple of weeks and then see how it goes and how I feel about it in the long run. If I feel it is fine then I will let them go now and invite them again for another festival for another couple of weeks and again assess the condition. After 2-3 times doing like this, if I feel it may work out good then I will put forth my invitation otherwise will just let it be as it is now.
What do you say?

SriVidya75 · Mar 28, 2010

pingme said: ↑

What do you say?
Click to expand...

Yep sounds like a good plan:thumbsup

Dont forget to tell your husband and kids that grand parents would be staying in your house for more than a day i.e couple of weeks.

Also do let your inlaws know atleast couple of days prior to the birthday party...so that they too can pack their clothes and prepare themselves for teh stay...just tell them that kids and you are missing them and would be nice to spend more time

Good luck hope it all works out the way you wanted:cheers do post back your experience

ShilpaMa · Mar 29, 2010

Ok and what if post your invitation, they decide to stay over & the setup is not as rosy as it sounds to you.. . then what will you do?
Place another post here? How to get rid of them?

Each one's tolerance level differ & so does their expectations.. when you ask them to change their setup you also will have to be prepared to tolerate the package that comes... simple comparisons dont work.

Also since this concept doesn't apply to me I really wonder can a DIL invite her inlaws? cos my inlaws feel its their son's house and am no one to invite or throw them out & they live with more that required rights & priv.
Why think of earning brownies or a vamp title by deciding on their entry or exit... leave it to your DH & them.

Varloo · Mar 29, 2010

These days, there is nocomparison between anyone. What is right for one may not be for another. Just because your sister is having her inlaws, don't invite your inlaws too. You may find it difficult to adjust to their being with you all the time. And they may not be like your sis's inlaws. Situations may change also, with your kids liking or not liking them all the time. So think carefully before taking a step. Your inlaws also may be enjoying their freedom at their place and that may be the reason that they have not asked you about a joint family set up. Nowadays, elders too want to live independently, watch programmes of their choice, eat food of their liking and enjoy their twilight years together.
And there is always plu and minus in a joint family setup. When you have people to take care of things, there is also the responsibility on your side too. There may be interference in the form of advise which you people may not like. It all depends. Give the matter a good thought and discuss with you family.

kelly1966 · Mar 30, 2010

MY Dear if all is well and your household is running smoothly and so is your in-laws so why upset the boat let it sail as it is... its good idea to invite them for a visit but permanently ...well its a big step... give it a good thought as once you do that its most unfair of you to ask them to leave...
K