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My sister and her inlaws !!!

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by friend2009, May 11, 2010.

  1. friend2009

    friend2009 New IL'ite

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    This is my sister's situation.

    They have lived in the US for about 11 years now and both husband (my BIL) and wife (my sister) want to return to India.
    My sister's inlaws oppose that. They want them to live here and earn more money. It seems my sister's inlaws told that they needed to earn and save X amount of money and then only they can return. They have listed all high end items and cost of which is hard for my BIL to meet since theirs is a single income family. They have 2 lovely kids....both school going.
    My sisters inlaws are now blaming my sister left and right for making a decision to move. When my sister expressed that it was a joint decision and their son was also part of the decision they do not agree and have been bashing her verbally. Infact, my BIL was the one who was more interested to move. He always used to tell me that he will not stay for long in US.
    Somehow, he just did not like settling here and my sister also is understanding and cooperating with him now. I don't see any problem really.
    Her inlaws called me and I was quite surprised. They told me to advise their son to stick around here since the education here is good. I asked them where was your son educated? Where was I educated? Please do not underestimate Indian education. But they simply don't understand and they always go back to square one in argument. I cannot argue much since they are my sisters inlaws and I don't want her to take the heat from them later.

    They talk of all silly things like...too hot in India, things are expensive to lead a luxurious lifestyle, their son does not own a house yet. My BIL did not buy a house and he plans to buy one once they are settled there. His parents say they want him to own a really huge one and the dimensions they give is ridiculous. I think even if he slogs here for next 30 yrs he can't make it but they say how can they see him being satisfied with less.

    Suggest something here please. My sister is being caught in between. They don't blame their son but blame my sister. My BIL says....I just don't care what they say, we will do as we planned. My sister calls me and sometimes panics how she is ever going to live with them near to her. They will not live in the same house (My BIL made it clear) but they might be in the same city since my BIL is working on his jobs and something may click in the same city as that is the major metro.
     
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  2. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    I think there are many, many, many threads here dealing with the exact same issue - couple with two daughters returning home, living in the same area as parents / in-laws, in-laws resentful, accusing DIL of wanting to return to be there for her own parents etc etc etc. I am quite surprised that this seems to be such a rampant problem.

    The only advice I would give you (or her) is that she needs to try life there first. If the husband is strong enough to go back without paying heed to what his parents are saying, then HE needs to step up to the plate, clear the air with them, let them know why he is coming back and how it is completely his plan, how he will be able to support them in their old age if he lives in India as opposed to the US, how his mind is made up and how his decision is made, and how there's ABSOLUTELY no going back from it.

    If the in-laws are blaming HER for their son's reason, then really HE needs to fix it, instead of you (or your sister) attempting to convince them otherwise. Also, go through those other numerous threads (that were started fairly recently) to get an idea of the responses given by other posters. This will save others from spending time and energy in responding to the same issue repeatedly.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2010
    sindmani likes this.
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Friend

    Malyatha has said it well! Yes your sisters husband has to deal with his parents rather than your sister herself. I do understand that men can getaway without giving any explanation to anyone and they can avoid such discussions/confrontations. Moreover parents also do not want to pickup the discussion with their son, rather they would take it out on the DIL as they know that the DIL would convey the same to their son. However best way is ask your sister to be calm. Not to get irritated or upset with the inlaws comments and also to suggest her husband softly that he needs to talk to his parents and atleast convince them to a minimal extent. If he doesnt want to talk, then its his choice, atleast your sister would have the satisfaction of conveying the inlaws concerns to the husband. As nothing is in her hands, she can just keep cool and see how things go by. Not to worry everyone faces such initial hiccups during the move!!
     
    sindmani likes this.

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