My Sil's Behaviour

Dear OP,
Are you absolutely sure that you had a smooth sailing since the beginning? I doubt. Please give some benefit of doubt to all. At this stage, the new entrant is the one who is in need of more acceptance and love. The mud slinging in the past & resistance to this marriage has made her cautious. If she is OK with her DH/your brother and if the latter is a neutral sensible guy, eventually everything will work out.
Just give it sometime. You don't really have to interfere in their household unless she is completing ignoring your parents or misbehaving. Even then, always, always avoid a direct confrontation with your SIL. Talk to her that you feel sad that you cant take care of your parents because you stay far off. Encourage her about the things at which she is good,

 

OP....I believe ,in Joint families,the ball is firmly in the in laws/parents court in the beginning. The in laws get to set the tone of the relationship .

This relationship started on a wrong note(not approving at first) and it is for the family to show more acceptance and make amends.

Your family did not approve,still your brother and sil are in the joint family,She takes care of cooking etc.It has just been six months.

More over,this is just one side of the story. If every one was loving towards her and she was not mingling,your brother would not be so okay with this.Sometimes we don't know the whole story.

We tend to look at our mothers/parents as mothers only....try to look at her as a mil and see if she could also do something to change the situation.

We had a similar problem at home and my mom would complain about her dil. After listening to her details,I realized my mom had said some things that I would not tolerate from my mil.I let her know that if my mil had said that to me,I would never ever talk to her. Sometimes moms also need to be told.

Now my parents have a wonderful relationship with both my brother and bhabhi but it takes time .
These are sensitive relationships.You can say things to your parents and advice them.Even if they don't like it(mine did not) ,they will forgive and forget. The same cannot be said for their dil and your sil. You will have to think a hundred times before you say something because things will not be forgiven and forgotten on either side.

Also don't compare your relationship with your in laws with hers. People are different and they have different qualities.You may be more adjusting and she may not be. But her strength may lie in something else.

Similarly.....changing your way of dressing and cooking may be fine with you...it may not be for her.Unless she is walking around in something vulgar I don't think most girls these days like to be pointed out.Besides,your brother likes her the way she is,the way she dresses and how she looks .That should be enough .
I was married two decades back and even I did not take kindly to my mil's comments about my dressing. Nor did I accept her interference. If it was erksome and non acceptable twenty years back,it could not be now to many women.

As a daughter,you should hear out your parents and let them vent but rest you should leave to them as a family to sort out. Any out side (and you and I are outsiders unless we live there) interference usually back fires. Your brother is their son,let them talk to him.

We sisters have a wonderful relationship with our brother and bhabhi mostly because we choose to stay out of their lives and their relationship with our parents.We let them sort out their lives and differences by themselves. We both hear out my mom but that is it. It helps her vent.I am sure my bhabhi must be venting to her mom too as she also needs to vent somewhere.
I feel this is one relationship(sil -sil ) that is easy to maintain because we are not expected to live with each other and meet only once in a while.

 

@nomad24 .....this just in general....
We ,the daughters and sisters of brothers do not really have much big influence on the relationship between our parents and their son and dil.

Other then being an ear and shoulder in need for either party....most interference only causes problems.It either causes problems between bhaiya bhabhi or between parents and brother. Even if they all make up ,any interference is long remembered and the daughter becomes the culprit . This mostly in the long run means the brother and sister relation is effected.
In the end it is the parents who feel the heart burn when they see the distance between their own children.

I feel it is best to just be a patient listener in the long run unless some sort of abuse is involved from either party.
Moreover we should trust our brother a little more to do the right thing in the long run. He is also their flesh and blood.

 

Op. Since she is helping ur mom in households as well as being kind to all of u, please don't interfere in her life or ur brother 's life. Ur parents are happy with her , so my advice let herblive her life. Sorry if I have hurt u. But please give every one their space. Ibfeel ur sil is a good person

 

Its better to leave the newly married alone in thier own boundary and circle for few years..coz that is the time they understand more about married life and closeness is built..so plz ni family drama in these years..

 

op, the more we force certain expected behaviours, the more people dig in their heels and not do it. So let it go. she is newly wed, living with in laws, God knows what is going on in her mind. Give her space and let her come to you

 

Please stay out of it.May be she need time to open up.She will eventually open up once she realize she is safe.
I was same initially. My sil interfered a lot.MIL told every minute thing to sil.
My sil went to my mothers house and complain.
Till date i have never forgiven her.
Even my own husband dont interact with his sister anymore as a result of initial trouble she created in marriage.
Do you want same thing happen to you?
Just stay out of it.
Start of any relationship is important.Is you fail to build trust it becomes nearly impossible to build it later down the line.