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My SIL doing good or invading my space ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sangeethavenket, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. sangeethavenket

    sangeethavenket New IL'ite

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    hi
    ours is a arranged marriage.(4 year)i hav one kid.from starting till now i have a quarrel with my husband.he has 1 sister and 1 brother.his brother is ok.He never get into our life.The problem is his sister and thier parents.his sister wants 2 b very dominating.She never allowed my husband 2 buy anything for me .whatever the thing she tell tht one is very costly,useless,try someother thing.The main thing is our parents has 2 buy and give it 2 me.his father gets his whole salary telling hez going 2 pay for the home laon.From the starting they never allow me and my husband 2 enjoy .every saturday and sundays we used 2 go 2 his sisters house.she not even allowed 2 worship the god on my kid function(head shave).I used 2 fight with my husband.my husband used 2 tell mingle with them,they not like tht type.they are very good,they are doing for our sake Hez telling i cant ask anything what u r telling,bcoz they r my parents,i hav 2 respect them,i cant wound them.i dont know wht my husband is thinking.now i stopped talking 2 them if they com 2 house i will give them whatever they need,tht it .


    tell me how 2 get back 2 happy life

    geetha
     
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  2. Chochy

    Chochy New IL'ite

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    Re: need a solution

    Hi,
    First have a polite talk with ur hubby. Make him understand tat he has a family of his own. Though ur hubby gives all of his money to FIL, convince him to save some amount personally. He can even inform abt this to FIL too.
    Regarding SIL, better start drawing boundaries. Do not visit her on weekends. Even if ur husband insists visiting her, make some excuses (head ache, feeling tired etc).
    If you are willing to take up some job, better start looking for it. Idle mind is devil's workshop-engage yourself in some activity. Do not bother yourself too much. In the end its ur life....live it hapily.........
     
  3. ashwinispace

    ashwinispace New IL'ite

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    Re: need a solution

    Hi Sangeetha,

    Calm down. Relax yourself. It happens, if the things dont work out the way we expect, anyone gets frustrated. Atleast you have your parents with you and you can get the things from them, thanks to them.

    It is sad to know that your SIL tries to dominate your husband. Discuss with your husband and Your SIL, make them understand that SIL should take care of her own family rather than having control over her brother's family because you both are there to do that and make her also to understand not to interfere too much in your family matters or else talk to your in-laws regarding this to solve the problem.

    Tell your husband that you and your kid are also there in his life and are completely dependent on him and make him aware of his responsibilities as a husband and a father. All the time you cannot expect your parents to get the things for you.

    Regarding your home loan, you should manage your home loan in such a way that it should affect your daily life. You can pay half of your salary towards loan and enjoy the rest.
     
  4. ashwinispace

    ashwinispace New IL'ite

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    Re: need a solution

    Hi Sangeetha,

    Small mistake: Read the last paragraph here and as

    Regarding your home loan, you should manage your home loan in such a way that it should NOT affect your daily life. You can pay half of your salary towards loan and enjoy the rest.
    __________________
     
  5. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: need a solution

    Hi,
    Next time when you are trying to buy something and when your SIL says that it is useless, it might help if you tell your SIL directly but in a calm polite voice with a nice smile on your face that you like it and you want to have it. By the way why are you asking your husband for things before your SIL. First cut info to such in-laws.

    It does not matter whether your DH takes your side or her side this time. Slowly when you repeat this everytime without fear/temper tantrum, she will learn to back off. Your husband will also get the message that he has to do something before you directly confront her or fight with her.

    As long as you are just complaining to him and doing nothing, he will act dumb and ignore you. Once he knows the consequences, he will get involved. Men like to have the best of both worlds......... Happy sister and a pacified wife.

    As for your SIL expect and be prepared for the following
    1. Initial shock and anger /temper tantrum
    2. Or tears and sulking with a dialogue that she only meant for your own good ....blah blah blah... ya right.
    3. She will try to gather support from her parents. Be careful with them for a few days. they willl be angry with you.
    No matter what she tries, if you consistently push back she might stop.
    Ignore her as much as you can.
     
  6. geethur

    geethur New IL'ite

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    Re: need a solution

    Hi Sangeetha,

    This sister-in-law problem is always there in every house. I feel that first try to gain confidence and love of your husband as well as child if they are strong enough then almost your happiness is with you.

    The same was with my life when got married he was very much attched to parents and his sister. Starting even i was fighting but later i started showing love but now he likes me more than there parents and we all live together now.

    I advice you to stop fighting with husband and be patience to get his love.

    Regards
    geetha Siranjeevi.
     
  7. SupSam

    SupSam Senior IL'ite

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    Yes Sangeetha..above said is right. I am also married for last 4 yrs and for first 1yr + SIL was unmarrid n with us. ALthough she never stopped DH from buying anything cos whole family knew its useless..ours was a love marriage! But yes many a times on occassions like my bday or anniversay or karvachauth etc when MIL and SIL shopped something for me, SIL used to say yes to clothes or things whcih I am sure she knew wasnt my choice and I wont wear them willingly. As for MIL I knew she has been deprived of easy money most of her yound years and hence had no real choice towards a good shopping and all. WHenever some clothes or something was t be given to my parents or family side from here..SIL used to be in favour of ok kinds of clothes n stuff whereas at my parental side we have good trendy choices although not costly. I used to think that even she has not been exposed to much purcahsing may be thats why their choice differs so much from mine n my side. I really used t avoide giving anything of their choice into my relations as I felt that this would bring some kinda disgrace to my in lwas family moreover mine being a love marriage.
    But later with time I realised that for herself she always was fussy and chose very good clothes and when she got engaged she used to pick things which I also used to like for her in laws side and herself. During her own marriage shopping also she chose lovely clothes within our budget too...Some such things that kept getting disclosed with time used to frustrate me. See I always made it a point to put all what happened into my DH's ears diretcly or indirectly as I always felt that if he's not clear with whats happening...some day he might take me wrong if ever an issue arose. Slowly he started himself noticicng such stuff although never used to say anything to MIL or SIL. I never want him to say anything to them either but this heped me in a way that he knew I wasnt wrong whwnever SIL used to make a big face for something for days together. He never complained to me and I too knew his support is with me so I too always used to wait silently forthe so called cold war to settle by itself.

    SO its important that DH knows of your feelings,theres no need to get a bad image before the in laws just that if DH is with you silently...with time in laws would also realise tha his support is with you. And yes you should politley or o nsome occasion ask him for something for yourself in person and once he gets the same for u..when all r in cool mood you should parise him a lot in front of in laws and thereby shre with them that he is so loving n has gifted this to you. SLowly they'll realsie the privacy of your family life too. This worked in my case. Hope it helps you too :)

    SUpriya.
     

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