My room is full of pink elephants!

Mulla Nasrudin complained to the health department about his brothers.
”I have got six brothers,” he said. ”We all live in one room. They have too many pets. One has twelve monkeys and another has twelve dogs. There’s no air in the room and it’s terrible! You have got to do something about it.”
”Have you got windows?” asked the man at the health department.
”Yes,” said the Mulla.
”Why don’t you open them?” he suggested.
”What?” Yelled Nasrudin, ”and lose all my pigeons?”
That was one of Osho’s jokes about Mulla Nasurddin.

Just take a look at my day!

The morning comes too soon (me cursing: “God, I wish I could sleep a bit longer, can’t even sleep a little longer”).
My son is not getting ready (“see son, when I was a kid no one stood behind me for everything, I did everything on my own and went to school on time” and worse “God, what did I do to deserve a disobedient son”).
My husband says “why can’t you get up early so that you don’t have to rush like this. If you had slept on time instead of reading some stupid book till 2.00 am you could have got up earlier?” (“he can’t help me in the morning but can just criticize. I decide when I sleep and when I get up. Why can’t he be like the heroes of the books I read? Reading is something which I do for myself how can he comment on that?)
My mom asks, “you are not smiling these days. You always have a scowl for me”. (me thinking “what do you think? I am so unhappy about my blessed hurried life, you want me to smile? What do you know about managing home and office when you never had to step outside the house”)
My travel to office (“oh these share autos and the traffic jams. How can I live a healthy life if I’m to navigate thru this smoke and dust”?)

This grumbling goes on and on… My thoughts are always how unjust it all is and how unreasonable everybody is towards me when I’m being so Perfect (yes, with a capital “P”. )

I remember this line by one of the characters in a book I read recently : “I would not wish to live with me if i had a choice”.

My Sir, in one of his classes, told us to look at our behavior from the other person’s point of view before judging anybody. That day was a revelation for me. When I thought about myself, my behavior, I did wonder how people live with me! How unreasonable and crazy they will find my behavior.

Take my husband – for example. He would have expected a wife like the heroines in the movies – docile, sweet, obedient (hah!) etc etc. And what am I? Sweet, docile, obedient – I don’t think those words have passed my horizon even. I don’t get up early in the morning. I cook whatever can be cooked fast and don’t enjoy being in kitchen. I don’t like cleaning or washing excepting when I can get it done through others J. I don’t fuss over him or my son unnecessarily. I just take the view opposite to his just for fun even though I am neutral either way. I refuse to accept his point of view just to please him. Though I don’t fight I tell him firmly that he’s a right to have his view like I have a right to mine and I refuse to change that moment. May be, tomorrow I might change my mind. It could be really frustrating for him. Some days I tell him “I absolutely agree with you” and some days (sometimes on the same issue) I tell him I don’t agree with him. You get the idea? I really pity my husband and his life with me is really an example of forbearance and tolerance .

And here I crib about my married status and men in general! Of course, these days, I have decided (magnanimously) not to blame him for my state. I told him in a lofty manner, “after all, men and women are not meant to live together. If they live together, there can’t be any peace. You see, it is their nature. So it is not your fault or my fault. So let us forget this issue”). I must say that my husband is yet to come out of that shock till today. Another time I told him, again, when I was in a good (?) mood, “see husband. There is nothing permanent in this world. Everything is flowing towards an end. You can’t touch something and the next and say it is the same again. May be, that is why man has invented so many institutions like family, society, nation, etc etc – looking for permanence where there is none. When I say I love you, it just means that I love you this moment, I do not know about tomorrow or the next moment. I might like to throttle you next moment but then that will also pass”. I do remember asking him another time, “husband, do you love me and will you love me forever?”. One day I said “I love being married to you” and another day “I am sure a man would have invented the institution called marriage! That explains the unreasonableness of it.” Ha.. ha.. No wonder he has lost all his hair within eight years of marriage J. I only wonder it took eight years!

My son is another question altogether. Eight years with me has confused him mightily. He, being a kid, asks me openly, “amma, I don’t understand you. Why are you like this? Sometimes you are the best mom. Sometimes you are rotten”. I tell him “son, even I don’t understand myself”. We just deny kids doing things which we don’t feel right or just because we don’t find it convenient. Has anybody thought about it? Being kids they are not in a position to rebel either. While we know certain things are dangerous (like not allowing them near fire, acid etc), we deny many other things just because, well, we don’t like it. Like, once my niece asked me, “mami, why do you allow your son to go out with her especially when you know she doesn’t like you”. I told my niece then “just because she dislikes me doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t allow my son to go with her. He is an individual and has a right to decide whom he should go with or without. I don’t want to impose my ideas on him”. Mind you, i am not that clear headed always and do restrict him as per my standard of “can do” and “cannot do” ideas.

Parents are to be worshipped – no doubt. Just imagine them tolerating us! We reserve all our dark nature to them. We are not ashamed to show our worst character to them just because they can’t throw us out. I don’t have to give any example – all of us (well, many of us) know what I mean.

Well, even I wouldn’t wish to live with me if I had a choice. When I was never a model daughter or wife or mother or friend or anything, how can I blame others for what they are? How can I blame them for my delusions and eccentricities. I only can make things correct for me. The only person who can change the state of things for me is me. The day I can say confidently that “I would enjoy living with me” is the day I enjoy living with this world. Till then…

Mulla Nasruddin and one of his friends had been drinking all evening in a bar. The friend finally passed out and fell to the floor. The Mulla called a doctor who rushed him to a hospital.
When he came to, the doctor asked him, 'Do you see any pink elephants or little green men?'
'No,' groaned the patient.
'No snakes or alligators?' the doctor asked.
'No,' the drunk said.
'Then just sleep it off. You will be all right in the morning,' said the doctor.
But Mulla Nasruddin was worried.
'Look, doctor,' he said, 'that boy is in bad shape. He said he could not see any of them animals and you and I know the room is full of them.'

 

i do love myself... a bit too much. And i also don't think i'm bad or mad, and I guess there lies the crux of the problem