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My Pound of Flesh

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Shanvy, Dec 27, 2007.

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Dec 28, 2007 #41

Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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nivedi said: ↑

Dear Shanthi,

Like the scorpion in the story, there are people whose nature is to sting. We need not sting back at them, but we should never allow them to do it again and again. They have no business to speak in such a manner. Foolish souls, they think they are above pain and loss.

I grew up in a large joint family with my father's brothers and sisters - some married, some widowed. I was 14 when my father died. A month after he died, we lost my eldest brother also who was 19 at that time. Both my father and brother had been in and out of hospitals for a year before they died. While we were grappling with the loss of these lives and the pain that they went through, we were constantly sorrounded by rude remarks from my fathers sisters. Everyday we would have to hear their remarks of how my mother, my other brother and me were alive because we were the worst of sinners who got what we deserved. They would remind us everyday that the ones who died also deserved that pain and illness. Living in the same house, they also celebrated festivals. We were penniless and had no way out but to bear their taunts, else we would have no home and food. My mother never answered them back and taught me also never to react, however cruel they were. My mothers approach did not appeal to me, because till now they behave the same way with her.
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hi nivedi,

Thanks for stepping in. Sorry for your loss. When I see around me, I feel nature has its own ways of doing a balancing act. One of the person I mentioned, has suffered a lot even before he came up with this remark....they forget that they suffered.

By not answering back, or by not reacting, we are showing we are more stronger, not the other way round. even though they may come out more spiteful as there was no reaction...you know the reason why they come more strong..because they feel the failure of not being able to make a dent in your principles...

but you are winner...you are free of any hard feelings,the moment you let go....

Shanvy, Dec 28, 2007

Shanvy, Dec 28, 2007

#41
Dec 28, 2007 #42

Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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subbi said: ↑

hai
I agree with you people to deal with such animals.how do u deal with these creatures
if you have to deal with them everyday.
Forgiving means , doyou stop interacting with them
Can my beloved friends give advise on this issue
subbi:iagree
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subbi,

Looks like you are in the receiving end. Even when you deal with them everyday, being extra nice to them does the trick.....And sorry I still don't think of them as animals....

Shanvy, Dec 28, 2007

Shanvy, Dec 28, 2007

#42
Dec 28, 2007 #43

Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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hi kamla,

I am under treatment..and it is a slow recovery..but to tell you right now i
am fine. I think i should thank god for giving me so many well wishers...

Yes,writing it here has helped me get rid of that last of my anger. I have come to peace with myself.

I don't avoid any of them.

Thanks for all your wishes..

Kamla said: ↑

Dear Shanvy,

Thanks to Varalotti who nominated this post for FP, or else, I would have missed out on this.

Shanthi, first things first. I hope you are on the way to recovery. I am concerned about your spinal cord injury. Take good care and I shall pray to God for your speedy recovery. Alone with kids and coping with everyday chores, you are doing a wonderful job and my respects to you.

I think I am very late here. You have received wonderful fbs from our friends here and it must have done a whale of good to your psyche. Let me confess, it has also done me good. So many good words and so many ways to cope with the unfair people of this world, almost all of us need such soothing words to cope with the barbs we face from time to time.

I am glad that you showed how strong you can be at the time of temptation. It is so easy to stoop to their level, but you stood tall and let it pass. :hatsoff:hatsoff

Yes, forgive and carry on ahead. I force myself to forgive and get on. But I wonder if I can forget. It is also not wise to forget. We will be fools to subject ourselves to such pain again and again. I make a big curve around such nasty people, if possible.

All the best to you and your family. You and Vysan sir are lovely people, I know that from what you both write here. My best wishes to you both.

L, Kamla
Click to expand...

Shanvy, Dec 28, 2007

Shanvy, Dec 28, 2007

#43
Dec 28, 2007 #44

Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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anandchitra said: ↑

Dearie Shanthi
I read your post almost as soon as you started the thread..could not reply right away bec. i felt v.sad and got blocked by sadness..I have since been reading everyones reply post and must say all the replies are gems in itself..if you notice one thing each one has been thru their own ration of problems and difficulties and each choose to react as best suits them.
I admire that you are managing the show primarily by yourself..Its not easy to run a household esp. when smaller chilren are there..Great job.. And Veda's support is clearly evident even online.. As I have said before you both are such a special couple.. You and your family are in my prayers and best wishes..Good Luck.
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Hi AC,

thanks for all your wishes. yes, I have a great friend in Veda.yes all the FB's were amazing and helpful in their own way.

Shanvy, Dec 28, 2007

Shanvy, Dec 28, 2007

#44
Dec 28, 2007 #45

manjumnair Silver IL'ite

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Dear Shanthi,

I didn't know that you were very ill... Happy to know that you are recovering...

I read your post and the replies just now only... You are such a thoughtful person for not retaliating to those unsympathetic people... I would have definitely shouted at them...
I have relatives who are just like yours... I have retaliated to their comments at times, but felt bad later...

Best Wishes to you, Veda and your kids.. Get well soon...

manjumnair, Dec 28, 2007

manjumnair, Dec 28, 2007

#45
Dec 28, 2007 #46

sameepa New IL'ite

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Dear Shanvy,

I just saw your post and it reminded me of my past ( present?).

Reading your post reminds me of the numerous taunts that I have received from my in-laws about the severe migraines I get. In fact it is a source of mirth for everyone whenever I get them, including my DH.

I still remember once when I had the flu and I had high fever and could get out of bed. I could not help in the household activities. I got yelled at for not doing any work. After a couple of days the person who yelled at me, came down with the same flu and realized her mistake and apologized profusely. There have been many such instances.

At no time have I retaliated. Later, I think about the reply I could have given, but I never seem to have the right thing to say when someone is verbally abusing me.

I do think about the past sometimes, but I have forgiven and moved on. Honestly, I cannot bring myself too hate or avoid them. They are more worth my pity for their lack of sensitivity. I try to believe that if you choose not to accept any of the hurtful words that people throw at you, it goes back to them.

From you posts I can see that you are a strong woman. Best regards to you and your family.

sameepa, Dec 28, 2007

sameepa, Dec 28, 2007

#46
Dec 29, 2007 #47

So Sure Senior IL'ite

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hi Shanthi,

First of all, Get Well Soon! I know that Homeopathy works wonders on your type of illness. Let me know if you need any reference.

Secondly, my request is to all ILites: Please dont call this type people - "animals". Animals dont hurt each other. They live by nature. They hunt/hurt only when they need to eat/mate. But we humans are unique 'coz of our superior brain.

If I were in your shoes, Shanthi, my first reaction to this relative is like this - With a big smile - If i am physically ill, he is mentally ill. So, lets both commit suicide! No? he cannot die? Then shut up 'coz he may hurt others who are weak. Not me! tsk Sorry, I dont take :********! I'm So Sure about it! I have enough stress without him adding his share!
You have shown the mental maturity which is beyond words. :hatsoff Using all the negative energy in the positive way is very difficult. As Life happens we get hurt. I always write out any hard feelings I have about anyone and keep it in a safe place. After a few days, (when i am much calmer) I take it out and re-edit it. I repeat this editing business until I feel I'm done with it (the people). I then discard it. This helps me a lot!

Regards,
Sharada

So Sure, Dec 29, 2007

So Sure, Dec 29, 2007

#47
Dec 29, 2007 #48

puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Hi Shanthi,
I never got a chance to read these post since a month, as I was busy with office work.
I am glad that you have chosen the path 'Forgive and forget'.
Not many people would do that. Many people have sharp tongue.

During school age, I was not that bright student.
SO my neighbours used to insult me and my parents saying that
'Teachers kids will never study'.
Today, that guy is struggling to get his daughter's married.

I think some people get happiness by hurting other people's feelings.

Recent incident :
My MIL was spreading to everybody that I don't know cooking and
my husband is cooking everyday and I am just sitting like a queen.
I really got mad at her and last night I asked her why she is doing such things,
when I am married for 10yrs and its such a shame that I am getting insulted like this.
After asking her, I felt really relaxed and calm. Otherwise I would have felt so much anger at her, heavy with heart and I would have kept on grumbling at my husband about his mom.
I felt that what I did was right, instead of feeling heavy with heart and mind.

~Punitha

puni88, Dec 29, 2007

puni88, Dec 29, 2007

#48
Dec 29, 2007 #49

Varloo Gold IL'ite

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Dear Shanthi,
we have to bear with such people in this world, isn't it? I am happy that you are well now. You have such a sweet nature, as you have said forgiving them is the best lashing out.
I had been taunted by my hubby's brother when our child was delayed. When we had a son, he was very jealous (I don't know why-may be because he has two daughters). When my son had medical problems, this man would always say that the child is mental, even to my face. Without my hubby's support, where do I stand? I used to pray to God to help my son come up well in life so that these same people should look up to him.
By lashing out, we may feel satisfied but later we might regret our own words.It is easy to lash out, but difficult to keep your cool.

Varloo, Dec 29, 2007

Varloo, Dec 29, 2007

#49
Dec 30, 2007 #50

Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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manjumnair said: ↑

Dear Shanthi,

I didn't know that you were very ill... Happy to know that you are recovering...

I read your post and the replies just now only... You are such a thoughtful person for not retaliating to those unsympathetic people... I would have definitely shouted at them...
I have relatives who are just like yours... I have retaliated to their comments at times, but felt bad later...

Best Wishes to you, Veda and your kids.. Get well soon...
Click to expand...

manju,

Thank you. when we shout/lash, we feel for it later....that is natural....maybe we have to find subtle ways to show them we are hurt....

Shanvy, Dec 30, 2007

Shanvy, Dec 30, 2007

#50

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