my personal pocket money

i guess people who worked for a while and enjoyed freedom may feel this wen it comes to asking some onefor money .even i am working for 3 yrs now.i met with an accident and had to be bed ridden for some months in which i did not get my salary and after my funds finished i had to ask my dh rather for a while but preferred asking my dad later and rushed to work asap as i dint want anyone to question me for what u need money or why u need?some people call it ego..i call it self esteem ..may be u can plan to work somehow by requesting or explaining him benifits out of it.i am sure ilites will give u better suggestions and tips..

 

User,

Since nowadays girls are working and they even earn much better than men do,here comes the problem between the two.

I have seen so many couples saying that his salary and my salary,trying to differianciate their salaries being a single family .
It should be said as "Our salary" and both need to spend it wisely.

As u said that u feel bad to ask money from ur DH,as far as i feel there is nothing wrong in asking ur Dh for money,he is ur better half,u said that he asks for reasons,may be with some curiousity he might ask why do u need money as most women do when giving money to our children,I understand ur life before marraige,but please do not feel that ur asking from someone outside he is ur DH and nothing wrong in asking him .If u really feel so then better to start searching for a good job so that u might not hurt ur own feelings.

I've been married and working since 5 years and from the day i started working i'am not even bothered abt my salary my hubby takes care of it and i take money from him.

Its all left to a person as how he feels.
All the best,hope u find a good job soon dear :thumbsup.

 

Hi there! i am hoping other than the issue of money, everything else is going well between you two? do you both sit and talk about other issues that bother you or him? 1 suggestion, which has worked for me many a time is send the same thing you have posted here, change the wordings so that its addressed to your DH and email it to him. Sometimes when things are written down and conveyed it makes it easier than we trying to tell them to their face.. lets face it, its an emotinal thing for you and so obviously thats going to come into play when you try and discuss this with him.. Email him and tell him you have tried to talk to him a lot about it, but you feel this might get the message of how it makes you feel more clearly. This early in your married life, its much easier if you both can discusss and solve it, rather than keep it unsolved... Good luck...

 

Hey there,

I don't know if I am right. Just my experience. Since you had worked for a while, you feel dependent on him for money. I used to feel so in the initial days too. Before marriage I used to spend a lot and after quitting my job and getting married my spending pattern changed since I didn't work at that time. I used to feel awkward like you if I need anything. My husband doesn't spend a whole lot either but he started spending for me to make me understand that its not just 'his' money , its 'our' money. I think this thought is lacking in your relationship. If you feel that you are also part of everything in his life, you wouldn't feel awkward to ask and he wouldn't be probing into the details of the spending. Once you get this feeling, there wouldn't be any awkwardness even if you don't earn.

Now, does your husband spend for himself without second thoughts. If yes, then you need to discuss with him but please be careful since its financial thing. Try to tell him that you have needs too in a very subtle way. If your husband is the type who doesn't spend a lot, then you have to give him time to change.

Girl ! You need work permit to work. Thats why its called work permit, right? Working without work permit is illegal and you will land in trouble later. Please don't do that mistake. Instead try to learn new technologies and look for jobs once you get the work permit. Good luck.

 

It should be both of your money. Suggest opening a single acount for both of you where he can transfer some money for you each month. Thats much better instead of asking for money even to buy simplest of things. You will save yourself trouble of such a emotional hassle.

Despite the fact that I am working, my husband has requested for add on credit cards for me, in case I need to use, since we have seperate bank accounts(our companies have prefered banks where they do direct deposit). We have one common a/c where we save our joint expenses. The rest after we make our savings, we use it for whatever we need. We do not question for what we use that money.

Make your dh realize that. Plus, you need to file for work permit before you start your work here, which usually is a long route.

 

user09--It depends on the couple how they want to spend/divide their earnings. Many couples have joint a/c.

I and my dh have always had seperate a/c's since the time we dated (3 years back) and even after marriage (1 yr ago) we had seperate a/c's, since we lived in seperate cities until 3 months back.

Now, we continue our older a/cs (just for convinience sake) and in addition we have a joint a/c for our savings ONLY. We give out our bills from any of our a/c (irrespective of who holds it). For our savings, we keep an ING direct a/c where we keep savings for a house downpayment, vacations, gifts, emergency, medical and baby planning. Whatever amount remains, we just use it for whatever we need or desire, such as outings, dinings etc..! It just depends on what understanding the two of you have. Our arrangement works for us...!

 

User09, I know how bad it feels when one is financially dependent, its worst feeling , after our marraige I was out of work for 2-3 months while my wife working , I used to call my mother in India as I felt nice talking to her, almost daily, my wife had objected me saying its not good to spend so much on phone, I had felt bad at that time, while she does that today too but I told her she telling me today is different than she telling at that time, because when a person is dependent and looking for moral support that time one cannot say things that can harm the persons morale.

Things like these have to be dealt with sensitivity and not mere Yes and No.

For e,g if you want to buy somethign and ask money to your DH and he says ok take this, would you like it? I am sure no, but if he says oh yes its a good idea to buy what you want and in fact I too would join you to get it and instead of you paying he pays out of his pocket? which one would you choose.

Its not dependence, its the way people treat each other in life.....

There is a saying I had read a while ago. " Money is the root cause of all evil and Man needs money"